


Holiday

by appleblossomgirl



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Hawaiian adventure, Serendipity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 70,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7160006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleblossomgirl/pseuds/appleblossomgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peeta and Katniss are gifted a Hawaiian honeymoon, which is slightly awkward since they aren't even dating. After decades of pining, can Peeta conquer his doubt demons enough to finally tell Katniss how he feels about her?</p><p>Rated M/E, initially for language, but eventually (if Peeta gets his act together) for sexual situations</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter was written for the "Serendipity" prompt for District 12 Drabbles on Tumblr, but the idea became my happy place and quickly grew too long for a drabble post (hence the subsequent chapters). I hope you enjoy seeing these two enjoying a tropical holiday under far less dire circumstances than Catching Fire!

It had been a crazy long day and I was basically dead on my feet as I slumped onto a barstool to get tipped out. I sighed as I watched her dark braid disappear beneath the counter as she put away the last of the cleaning supplies. As usual, Gale was hovering over her, gesturing angrily (or was passionately?), about something; probably something extremely important and seductive.

I had to stop doing this to myself. I had to be up in like three hours to start my shift at the bakery. I justified keeping this Friday night shift at Abernathy’s Pub because the tips were so good. On a good night, I could make half a week’s bakery salary in one shift of waiting tables. (On a bad night, I could surreptitiously stare at Katniss all night.) But now, at 26 and transitioning into managing the bakery as my father took a step back, it was getting harder to explain even to myself.

The real reason, of course, was the raven-haired woman slipping lithely around the corner of the bar. I had been in love with Katniss Everdeen for basically my entire life. She was the secret motivation for pretty much everything I’d done from captaining the wrestling team in high school to majoring in business administration in college to coming back home to work at my family’s bakery. And keeping this god-forsaken Friday night shift. I really needed to either confess my undying love to her or quit this damned job before it actually killed me.

I glanced down the bar, where a couple of straggling customers were nursing the dregs of their drinks as the last of the wait staff collected their things and knocked back one for the road.

As Clove counted out the piles of $1s and $5s, Katniss silently appeared several inches to my left. I took slow, deep breaths through my nose to catch scent of her, vanilla body wash, clean sweat, something cold and woodsy over the permeating smell of beer and stale cigarette smoke. I closed my eyes when I caught it and savored.

“You okay there, Peeta?” Her voice was low and maybe a little scratchy, though I hardly ever saw her say more than five words to anyone.

Better, now that you’re here, I wanted to say. But just nodded instead.

“Can you believe these assholes? I gave last call like twenty minutes ago. The lights are on, for Christ sake. Do they want me to sing them a lullaby?” Gale was glaring with the full weight of his impressive brow at the two guys at the end of the counter. The older one seemed to sense it like a heavy hand on his shoulder and drained the last few drops from his glass before shuffling out of the bar.

“I got him,” I motioned towards the younger guy still seated at the bar with my chin.

As I grabbed for the proffered stack of small bills in her hand, Clove held on to her side. “You feel like having another drink? We could go back to my place.” she offered suggestively.

I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over at Katniss, who didn’t look up from counting her tips, before responding, “Nah, I gotta help my friend over here home.”

Unexpectedly, Katniss followed me over as I tapped the guy on the shoulder. He was nattily dressed, with his long coat draped over the back of his chair. I could tell by the tilt of his entire body that he was fall-down drunk.

“Hey buddy, it’s time to go. Can I call a cab for you?” He stared up at me with vacant, bloodshot eyes before shaking his head.

The final strain of that Fun. song ran through my mind, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here” but I suppressed the urge to sing it to him. He looked too wrecked to find any humor in it and besides, I have a terrible singing voice.

“Let’s get you outside and see how some fresh air treats you.” I threw one arm around his shoulder and hoisted him off the bar stool.” To my surprise, Katniss came around to the other side and slid in under his other arm. I had never seen her touch a customer before.

I must have worn the question on my face because she shot me a look before saying quietly, “He’s had a rough night. We were talking earlier. Let’s get him outside so Gale doesn’t ‘help’.”

The fresh air did seem to help and our drunk friend revive enough to lift his head when we got out to the curb. He gestured towards a waiting town car parked at the curb.

“My ride.” he croaked out, scrubbing his hand over his face and looking at me as if I had materialized out of thin air beside him rather than practically carrying him here. He looked over at Katniss, his head lolling to the side, “Thanks for being so nice to me tonight. You sure you don’t wanna come with me?”

Katniss gave him a tight smile and slithered out from under his arm as she shook her head. He sagged against me as I got him into the waiting car. As I started to pull away, he grabbed my shirt and handed me a thick envelope. “Then you take it. Promise you’ll take her. She deserves it. And she likes you.” He patted my hand like a kindly grandmother.

“Um, what?” It was hard to focus on the envelope, or anything really, after someone indicating that Katniss liked me.

“Oh, right,” he nodded his head emphatically, “Give me your number, I’ll text you the code.” He held out a pen and his hand, and after glancing over at Katniss who didn’t seem nearly as baffled by this request as I did, wrote my name and number on his palm.  


He pulled me into a rough hug and whispered loudly into my ear, “Carpe diem, man. Take it from me, life is too short. Seriously, don’t fuck this up.” Then he pushed me away and pulled the door shut.

My eyes bobbed between the receding taillights and Katniss, standing a few feet away with her face unreadable and arms crossed tightly across her chest, finally settling on the cream colored paper in my hands. My fingers registered its quality, it had to be at least 24 lb bond, and I imagined the watercolors seeping into the fibers.

“Poor guy,” Katniss murmured beside me, having approached silently.

“What was that? What just happened?” I felt deeply confused, like something of great importance had just slipped past me. This was not a new sensation, being the baby of the family, but it always made me feel strangely desperate.

Katniss smiled gently and slid the envelope from my hands. She gently broke the seal and pulled two tickets and a handwritten note on the same rough, thick paper that said, “Here’s to a whole week of sun, sand, and naked debauchery… Love you, M”.

Katniss shook her head and quirked her lip in that way she used to look at her kid sister. “His fiance left him at the altar tonight, ran off with his best man. He tried to convince me to go on his honeymoon with him. I guess he decided you deserved these.”

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket as she handed the envelope to me and turned to walk back inside.

“No,” I practically shouted, “he gave them to us. One of them is for you.” I hoped the sheer desperation I felt didn’t show in my voice. “ I promised,” I added weakly.

“What, like go together? On a honeymoon?” Katniss could do sarcastic better than anyone alive.

I felt my opportunity slipping away and grabbed on with both hands. “No, like a holiday.” I pulled the tickets out and glanced down the itinerary in the dim glow of the streetlight. “Have you ever been to... Hawaii? I sure haven’t.” Visions of palm trees, miles of sandy beach, and dear Lord, Katniss in a bikini with a flower behind her ear, flashed before my eyes.

“I’ve never been out of Twelve,” she responded quietly, walking back up to me and taking one of the tickets.

The hope surged up through me, filling my chest with light. “C’mon, Katniss, when something this crazy happens, you’ve got to just go for it, don’t you think?”

One half of her mouth quirked up in a smile and I could tell she was considering it. “We hardly know each other, Peeta. What are we going to do for a week on a tropical island?”

Oh my, the possibilities were endless, but before I allowed myself to start fantasizing about her naked in the sand, I blurted out, “I don’t know, warm sunshine, blue ocean… pineapples.” Pineapples? What the fuck was wrong with me?

She beamed up at me with the rarest of smiles that actually showed teeth and said, “You’re right, how could I possibly pass up the opportunity for pineapples. Let me talk to Haymitch, see what he says.”

As we walked back into the bar, I said a silent prayer to every deity I could think of to let this be real.

Katniss walked over to Haymitch, who was sitting at the bar. “Hey, Haymitch, can I have a week off?”

He sputtered out an incredulous guffaw, “What for?”

“That guy, Marvel,” she gestured towards the stool he had been sitting at all night, “Gave us an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii.” Totally deadpan, just-the-facts, ma’am, explanation. I was ready to fall to my knees on this filthy wood floor and beg Haymitch with tears streaming down my face.

He took the ticket, glanced at the information and then over his shoulder at me. “Well then. I guess you got to go, Sweetheart.” He smirked and she nodded before shooting me a wry smile.

“I guess we’re going to Hawaii,” she said with a soft chuckle and my entire world shifted on it’s axis. I felt like I might actually pass out.

“What the fuck?!” Gale demanded. “Hey, Mellark, let me see that.” He held out his hand.

“Not a chance, Hawthorne.” He would literally have to pry this ticket out of my cold, dead fingers. I have two older brothers, I’m well aware that possession is nine-tenths of the law.

“You have got to be shitting me. Some rich, drunk guy gave you tickets to Hawaii for helping him out to his car? That’s ridiculous!”

“Crazy things happen when you’re nice to people, Gale. You ought to try it sometime.” Katniss looked oddly smug as she pulled her coat out from under the counter and stuffed her tips into the pocket.

“I’m nice.” The outrage plain on his face didn’t help Gale’s argument. “This is just another example of how fucked up this country is! Why should some rich douche get to go to Hawaii, when we work our asses off…”

Katniss tapped my hand and gestured towards the door with a nod of her head. “Gotta go, Gale. We have to pack. See you next week.” I swear she gave a little hop as she pulled open the door.

“Can I drive you home?” I honestly felt like if I let her out of my sight at this point, I’d wake up any minute, cold and alone.

“Nah, it’s only a couple of blocks. The walk will help me clear my head. This is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not really sure how to handle something good randomly happening. It’s kinda throwing me off, if I’m honest.”

“Yeah, I get that. But if you have to take the bad stuff when it comes, shouldn’t you gobble up the good stuff when it drops into your lap too?”

She bit down lightly on the corner of her lip and nodded, “That’s what I’m trying to tell myself. So, I guess I’ll see you at the airport in,” she ticked off her fingers, “Six and half hours. Happy packing, Peeta.”

As I watched her small frame retreating down the block, I resisted the urge to pinch myself as I slipped my phone out of my pocket. I tapped the text from an unknown number and read, “Here’s the access code to change the names on the plane tickets. The vacation itinerary is in the envelope, I hope you enjoy the honeymoon suite. Someone deserves to get laid out of this whole sorry mess. I wasn’t kidding, dude, she’s one of the good ones. Don’t fuck this up. Marvel.”

She was the best one. Now all I had to do was convince my brothers to cover for me and figure how to get Katniss Everdeen to fall in love with me in the next seven days.

Xxxxx

After promising Rye that I’d cover every holiday and long weekend at the bakery for the next two years and clean the bathroom for the rest our lives, I found myself standing on the curb at the Hawaiian Air departures gate waiting to fly off to paradise with the girl of my dreams.

Like always, my eyes were drawn like magnets to her ebony braid as she hopped out of her beat up Jeep with her sister at the wheel. Katniss threw an old army-green canvas backpack over her shoulder as I approached. I waved to Prim and went to grab Katniss’ duffle bag.

“I got it,” she said defensively.

“Sorry.” That was such a rookie move, I knew Katniss can handle her own stuff. I took a deep breath and offered, “Let me know if I can help you with anything.”

She nodded and started for the door of the terminal. As we walked towards the gate, I recapped Marvel’s text and explained that I changed the tickets.

She was quiet and fidgety as we waited in the check-in line. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was regretting coming. If she would be happier going on her own. If she was wishing I wasn’t here. I could literally feel myself contracting, folding in on myself, before I identified and severed that line of questioning. It wasn’t really mine, it was my mother’s. And if I’d learned anything over the years, it was that she didn’t really have my best interest at heart. And listening to her, or the version of her in my head, had never brought me anything but self-doubt and misery. I took a deep, slightly shaky breath. Katniss looked over at me, pulling her fingernail from between her teeth.

“Nervous?” she asked, not unkindly.

“A little,” I admitted, though I wasn’t sure we were talking about the same thing.

“I’ve never flown before. Have you?” Her voice sounded clipped and urgent, like that simple fact was some sort of confession.

“Once. For my grandmother’s funeral when I was twelve. It wasn’t bad. The plane trip, not the funeral.”

She grimaced, which made me chuckle and look away nervously. Funeral humor, really? I was an idiot.

We checked in and immediately started boarding since we were in First Class. As we settled into our gigantic seats at the front of the plane, I was hit by what an amazing opportunity this was, what a gift Marvel had bestowed upon us. Admittedly, I would be excited to be heading to a Russian gulag if it meant I got to spend the week with Katniss, but sitting in First Class being offered champagne on the way to Hawaii was pretty much a dream come true. I knew it cost him dearly and I resolved to show Marvel my gratitude in some real way.

As the engines engaged and we began to taxi, Katniss gripped the armrest between us, catching the sleeve of my pullover between her vice-like grip and the metal. I could feel the warmth of her fingers through the fabric and longed to reach for her hand. I glanced up at her and saw that her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were closed.

“Katniss,” I leaned towards her just as she turned to me and her eyes shot open and I found myself staring into her panicked, stormy eyes from mere inches away. I could see the dark outline around the steel gray of her eyes and I felt my pulse respond to being so close to her. “What is something you love?”

“What?” she croaked.

I cleared my throat and tried again. “Something you love doing that you’ve done a thousand times.” Just then the plane lurched forward and she squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head.

“Okay. Let’s take chocolate chip cookies. I’ve made thousands of them. Sometimes when I’m nervous, or can’t sleep or something, I make chocolate chip cookies in my head. You want to try?”

She shook her head again and cracked and eye open before whispering, “You.”

“Okay. I start by assembling the wet and dry ingredients…” I spent the next few minutes narrating the steps for making cookies and by the time I was slipping the cookies sheets into the oven, we were in the air. Katniss relaxed her white-knuckled grip on the armrest and my arm fell back into my lap.

“Is it possible to be hungry and want to throw up at the same time?” she asked. Then muttered a quiet, “Thanks, Peeta, that helped.”

My heart swelled, but I kept my voice even as I said sincerely, “Anytime.”

After half an hour and two glasses of champagne, I was clearly feeling the fact that I hadn’t slept at all last night. I could feel my eyelids drooping just as Katniss’ head fell lightly onto my shoulder. I glanced over and saw that she was asleep. I felt incandescent with unreasonable joy. It was such an intimate thing to have her touching me in her sleep. And for the first time, I wondered what our sleeping accommodations would be like when we got to the hotel. My dick twitched at the mere thought of sleeping in the same room with her and I rolled my eyes at my ridiculous eagerness. I was not some virginal teenager. I shouldn’t get excited at the mere thought of sleeping next to a woman. But if I was honest with myself, I knew that I could spend the entirety of the next seven days continually jacking off and still want her just as badly as I did now.

I took a deep breath and started mentally preparing cheese buns until my dick calmed down and I could drift off to sleep. The last sensation I felt before surrendering to exhaustion was the frayed end of Katniss’ braid brushing against the back of my hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss arrive in paradise and their holiday gets underway.
> 
> "My mind was crowded with overlapping priorities: kicking off my shoes and burying my toes in the cornmeal sand, mixing the exact color of the aquamarine ocean, threading scarlet, deep-throated flowers through Katniss’ onyx hair, running my hands all over her sun-warmed, naked body... So deeply lost in this delirium of daydreams, I was startled when the driver patted my shoulder."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to the lovelies @d12drabbles for building this fic platform! I shoehorned this week’s prompt (Disney) into this second chapter, I hope that’s not cheating! I honestly don’t mean to be a tease and promise the story will start earning it’s M rating in the next chapter. Fluff rules in this chapter, but smut is close on its heels! 
> 
> All mistakes are mine. I own nothing. I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I've enjoyed imagining it! *sigh*

I awoke to a stewardess’s hand on my arm and an offer of juice or coffee. She cheerily informed us that would be landing in fifteen minutes. Katniss and I stared blearily at each other and she glanced down sheepishly as she pointed out a small wet spot on the shoulder of my shirt. 

“Sorry, I drooled on you.” I smiled at her and resolved to never wash this shirt again.

The second we stepped off the plane, I was engulfed in a warm, humid embrace of the tropics. The air felt heavy to breathe and was perfumed with a floral scent floating over something damp and decaying. 

“God, it’s hot here.” I could already feel my undershirt sticking to my back as I peeled the long-sleeved shirt over my head. I thought I saw Katniss checking out my arms, but it was probably just the early stages of heat stroke.

As we emerged from the complex of open-air buildings that comprised the airport, we saw a driver holding a sign reading, “Aloha Marvel and Glimmer”. Glimmer? He was going to marry a woman named Glimmer? I quashed the uncharitable thought that maybe he could have foreseen the unfortunate end of his relationship. But then again if your name is Marvel, maybe you’re destined to end up with a Glimmer. 

I followed Katniss as she slid into the air conditioned backseat. I vastly preferred an open window to air conditioning, but I welcomed the artificial cool on my flushed skin. It was a short drive through the moonscape of black lava-rock before we turned down a long drive towards the ocean. The driver circumvented a large high-rise hotel and snaked down narrow road to a set of isolated bungalows located between the edge of the resort and the beach. Katniss and I exchanged incredulous looks as he stopped and began pulling our bags out of the trunk in front of the furthest dwelling. It stood at the edge of the sand, with the resort behind it and jungle hugging the western wall. And straight through the windows we could see nothing but golden sand and turquoise sea. 

My mind was crowded with overlapping priorities: kicking off my shoes and burying my toes in the cornmeal sand, mixing the exact color of the aquamarine ocean, threading scarlet, deep-throated flowers through Katniss’ onyx hair, running my hands all over her sun-warmed, naked body... So deeply lost in this delirium of daydreams, I was startled when the driver patted my shoulder. 

“Did you need any help with the bags? Are you going to carry her over the threshold?” He grinned at me and I wanted to explain how desperately I wanted to but that it was perhaps a bit premature. Instead, I grinned back and tipped him, thanking him profusely for delivering us to the doorstep of heaven. “When you’re settled,” he winked, “check in at the main hotel.”

Katniss was already inside when I walked through the door. The open floor plan had no full walls, other than a small nook that was probably the bathroom since it opened up onto a tiled patio with several outdoor shower heads and what appeared to be a jacuzzi. There was a small kitchen area with a giant basket overflowing with a rainbow of fruit. And there was a bed. The entire room was essentially built around a gigantic four-poster bed that could comfortably sleep four large men. Mosquito netting dripped from the canopy and swayed slowly in the tropical breeze coming in off the ocean. It was essentially the most beautiful and quintessentially romantic place I’d ever seen. And I don’t say that lightly. I love beautiful things. I can find beauty in strange and unexpected sites. But this place was slapping me in the face with obscene gorgeousness at every turn. 

“Holy shit.” She barely breathed it and if hadn’t been standing right behind her, I wouldn’t have heard it. “This must be a dream. Or a trap of some sort. Something this incredible can’t be meant for me. Not just free like this.” And that completely broke my heart. She deserved the best of everything. It killed me that she didn’t know that in her bones. 

I watched a strand of hair that had escaped her braid, waft away from her neck, and fought the urge to tuck in behind her ear. Because that would lead to my fingers caressing her face, then her neck... I cleared my throat. “You do, though. No one deserves it more.” 

She looked back at me quizzically. “I tried to give the ticket to my sister. She’s never been anywhere either. She deserves this more than I do.” My stomach dropped at this revelation, the million ways I could have missed this opportunity to be with her. It strengthened my resolve to not squander even a moment of time our together. 

“Not possible. I guess you’re just going to have the best vacation in recorded history to justify it.” I grinned at her answering scowl. I was going to do everything in my power to make her glad she came. “C’mon, let’s put our stuff down and go check out all the paradise.” I gestured with a sweep of my hand. 

“Where should we start?” she asked. I explained that first off we needed to check in.

She glanced down as her stomach growled audibly. “K. Then food.”

“Good plan.”

She dropped her bag and backpack into a chair by the bed and began rifling through the canvas pack until she pulled out a pair of flip flops. Kicking off her tennis shoes, she quickly rebraided her hair, washed her hands, applied some lip balm from the ever-present tube in her pocket and announced, “Let’s go.” Ready to go in two minutes flat. Dream girl.

Snaking our way up the narrow paths to the resort, we took in the opulence of our surroundings: the lush landscape, the cascading series of swimming pools designed to look like a grotto, the luxurious hotel. We were both quiet, perhaps overwhelmed by the extravagance.

As we entered the main hotel and located the front desk, we were accosted by a fuchsia-haired woman throwing leis around our necks as she screeched, “You must be our newlyweds!” Katniss made a choking noise and assumed a fighting stance as if she were ready to defend herself against the actual threat of being strangled by this human jelly bean. 

“I’m Effie Trinket and I’ll be your honeymoon coordinator,” she chirped, parting magenta lips to reveal shockingly white teeth. “Please follow me, Mr. & Mrs… I’m sorry, Mr. Marvel only gave me your first names. Such tragic circumstances,” she tutted, “death in the family, so sad. But,” she blinded us with her teeth again, ”Lucky, lucky for you two lovebirds!” She stared at us expectantly and we stared back equally blankly. “Last name?”

“Everdeen,” I answered and caught Katniss’ cocked eyebrow before I offered my hand to Ms. Trinket to shake. She took my proffered hand daintily, using only her fingers and turned to pull me along behind her. She chattered animatedly, using some sort of circular breathing technique that allowed for ceaseless talking. We shuffled behind her, the powder pink pencil skirt and coral four-inch heels causing her to take tiny, choppy steps. When we reached her cloyingly sweetly perfumed office she presented us with a thick binder, which she heaved open to start paging through the tabbed sections of itineraries, brochures and activities. “Even though you’re only here for a little while, there are so many wonderful things to do! Where do you want to start?”

I glanced over at Katniss who still looked ready to fight off an imminent attack and smiled at Ms. Trinket. “Thank you. I think we’re going to need a little time to consider all of the amazing options you’ve outlined here.” I scooped the binder off the desk and began walking backwards towards the door, herding Katniss as I went. 

“But, but, Mr. Everdeen, you’ll want to get signed up for some of the activities right away.” Ms. Trinket looked slightly panicked.

“Absolutely,” I said in my most soothing voice, closing the door gently between us.

Katniss grabbed my hand and started to pull me back along to the corridor to where we’d entered, like she was afraid we wouldn’t make it back out alive. 

“So what activities do you want to start with?” I couldn’t help chuckling at the look of disgust she shot me as I jogged slightly to keep up with her.

“Whatever allows us to stay away from that...woman,” she said curtly, softening her voice slightly as she added, “If that works for you, Mr. Everdeen.”

As we rounded the corner we nearly rammed into a blond couple making out against the wall. The guy, tall, muscular and sneering, broke away from the Victoria Secret model he was sucking on long enough to snarl, “Watch it!” before resuming his task.

“Jesus,” Katniss whispered under her breath. “Enough people, let’s find a vending machine and get back to the beach.” Sweeter words were never spoken.

“How about I make you something to eat back at the bungalow?”

“Yes, please.” She sighed as we left the building and looked at me sheepishly, before dropping my hand. I missed the feeling of her small, calloused fingers in mine immediately. “Sorry, I’m not much of an “activity” person.” 

“I’m aware.” I had watched Katniss decline invitations our entire lives; to play dates, birthday parties, movies, dinner, high school ragers, drinks with friends, you name it, she’d declined the invitation. It was one of the many reasons I never worked up the courage to ask her out. I was sure she’d turn me down, out of habit if nothing else. 

“I can’t help that I’m boring.”

“Boring, really, you think I’d believe that for a second?” 

“Whether you believe it or not, it’s the truth. I’ve spent my entire life scraping by; working extra shifts, hunting and scrounging for the stuff we needed, trying to do my best by Prim.” She sounded defensive, but her chin was jutting out in that proud way that made my heart clench with admiration.

“Of course I believe you. And I can’t imagine anyone doing better by Prim. She’s incredibly lucky to have you.” I felt shy under the appraising look she gave me, but mustered my own bravery and met her eyes. 

“We’re lucky to have each other,” she said softly and for one heart-stopping moment I let myself think she meant us, before she added, “She’s the best person I know.”

I couldn’t stop the embarrassed blush that spread up my neck and she looked at me quizzically. Covering the best I could, I cleared my throat and added, “I wish someone in my family felt that way about me.” There was enough truth in the statement that I had to look away from her, but not before I felt her drill-bit eyes recognize the raw truth of my worthlessness like pulp visible in a cavity. To my surprise, she reached for my hand.

As the meandering pathway ended at the front door of our dwelling, we kicked off our sandy flip flops and I prepared our meal. I found Hawaiian bread rolls, which were so sweet and tender I resolved to recreate them when I got back to bakery. I slathered them in goat cheese and topped them with sliced mangos, one of the few fruits I recognized in the giant gift basket. I opened the bottle of champagne and secured two water glasses under my arm before carrying the lot out to the wooden deck that led out onto the beach. 

Katniss was perched on the top step and startled as I sat down heavily beside her, trying not to drop any of the food. She grabbed the plate from my hands, placed it on her knees and immediately began scarfing down one of the buns. Eyes closed, she moaned in pleasure and my dick twitched in response. It was impossible not to wonder how another version of that pleasured moan would sound on her lips. I took a deep breath through my nose, trying to subdue my body’s response to the image of her writhing below me making similar noises.

I poured her a glass of champagne which she drank down quickly. “Good,” she mumbled around a mouthful of her second sandwich. “Thanks.”

If only she knew how much I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her moan in every kind of pleasure.

By the time we had cleaned up and unpacked, the sun was dropping into the sea directly in front of our window, as if meant specifically for us. Without saying anything we both headed out past the deck and walked to the water’s edge. Sitting down in the sand just out of the tide’s reach, we watched the sky blaze in oranges and pinks, peaches and corals. Our bodies were mere inches apart and I longed to reach out and touch her. But as the sun dipped below the horizon and the sky faded to a deep indigo, and the stars winking to life, I busied my hands tracing pictures in the sand. 

Yawning loudly, Katniss dropped her head onto my shoulder. My hand froze mid doodle, fearing any movement would displace her. Then, declaring that she was exhausted, she headed to bed. I followed behind her, bare toes digging into the still warm sand, as we walked the couple hundred feet back to the bungalow. 

We were quiet and strangely subdued as we prepared for sleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I had leaned down to adjust the hem of my pajama pants, when I caught sight of Katniss through a crack in the doorway of the small bathroom. She was silently staring into the mirror as she unraveled her braid. I stayed bent over and watched as she combed her fingers through her hair and stared through her reflection, caught in some dreamy thought. I would have given anything to know what she was thinking at that moment. At any moment, really. She was so hard to read and I was so desperate to know her. 

I pulled a throw blanket and pillow off of the bed and laid them on the floor next to the patio door, which I cracked open. It was still warm out so I laid down on top of the blanket. 

“Are you serious?” She was standing over me in a pair of boxers and a worn t-shirt that hung slightly off one shoulder. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head and she stood will one hand planted on her hip. She looked incredible, but also a little pissed. “That bed could fit the entire wrestling team and you’re going to sleep on the floor? I don’t bite, you know.”

“I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, you being an idiot makes me uncomfortable. Come back up on the bed.”

As I gathered the bedding off the floor, I asked, “Do you mind if I keep the window cracked?”

“It’s nice actually. Let’s open the one above the bed too.” She placed a pillow between us and cocked one lovely eyebrow at me. “To preserve your virtue.”

I laughed, then turned off the light and climbed into bed. There was a good three feet between us in addition to the pillow, but I still couldn’t believe I got to share a bed with her. The moon was nearly full and flooded the room with silvery light. But I tried not to stare at her, knowing that the sight of her stretched out beside me, illuminated by moonlight, would probably be more than my dick or I could take. 

Unexpectedly, she turned towards me and said, “I know this is crazy that we’re here together. I’m sorry if this is weird or if there is someone else you’d rather be here with. I know I can be kind of… difficult to be with sometimes.”

I couldn’t stifle the incredulous laugh that bubbled out of me or the confession that followed, “Katniss, there is literally no one I would rather be here with.”

I caught her small smile before she turned away from me towards the sea. 

I memorized the slope of her neck, watched the subtle rise and fall of her ribs as her breathing evened out. I wanted to spend the entire night committing every detail of her to memory, but the exhaustion of the day won out and I drifted off to sleep to the melody of the tide, next the woman of my dreams.

Xxxxxx

I awoke the next morning to sun streaming in the windows and Katniss nowhere in sight. This was less disappointing than it might have been when I realized I was cradling the pillow she had placed between us like a teddy bear. It was unlike me to sleep in past daybreak, as used as I was to baker’s hours, but I felt well rested. I pulled on my shorts and tennis shoes and took a cup of tea and my sketch pad out onto the patio. By the time my tea was finished, a group of kids that had been kicking a soccer ball on the beach just past the deck had gathered around me and were perched on the stairs watching me sketch. 

In no time they were flanking me on all sides requesting that I draw cartoonish portraits of them and various wildlife -- some of which I’d heard of, many of which had Hawaiian names and were foreign and unfamiliar. Those were their favorites, as I’d attempt to draw what they animatedly described. Before long, I had learned most of the kids’ names (Koa, Io, Kai, Sonny, Konani, and Liliquoi) which made us fast friends. I had learned that most of them had parents that worked at the resort, but couldn’t afford to enroll them in the camps and activities so they spent their summer hanging out down at the beach. Then Katniss was jogging up the beach in her running clothes, sweaty and radiant. She peered over my shoulder in the mix of kids and laughed along with them at my renditions of foreign animals.

The gaggle of kids was comprised mostly of twelve to fourteen year old boys, who became much quieter in Katniss’ presence. As she asked about their parents and the activities they were missing out on, I saw the looks that passed between them as they reverently stared up at her. I hoped I looked slightly less dumbstruck when I stared at her, but kind of doubted it. 

As she walked back into the bungalow and I gathered up my stuff to follow her inside, the kids asked if we’d be coming to the Sunday night luau later that evening. Katniss heard the discussion and called out the open door asking if that was where they roasted the whole pig underground using hot rocks as the oven. She’d read about that and was anxious to see it in action. The kids assured her that it was a tradition on the island that the locals used for celebrations, but since the hunting grounds with the wild pigs and boars in the area were being monopolized by the resorts, the local families had to buy tickets to the hotel’s events now days. 

Looking concerned, Katniss asked about the hunting practices and the local pig population. As she asked what they did with extra game they caught, I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. The kids explained that there was a weekly hunting competition amongst the some of the resort residents. She offered her hunting services and the kids grabbed her hand to lead her up to the main hotel.

“Give me two minutes,” she laughed, then changed quickly and we all set off up the path. 

“Is there breakfast up at the hotel? I’m starving.” She clutched her stomach in mock starvation and I longed to slip my hands around her waist and feel the flat plain of her belly.

Our escorts nodded enthusiastically, particularly endorsing the waffle bar. 

“Mmmmm, waffles,” she looked genuinely excited and I couldn’t help chuckling at her enthusiasm. 

“What?” she demanded, throwing her arm around the nearest boy, “Teenage boys are my people! We have the same appetites and metabolism.” Having been a teenaged boy, I doubted she had all of the same appetites, but I kept my mouth shut and grinned at her.

“If you say that I look like a twelve year old boy too, as Gale is so fond of reminding me, I won’t let you have any waffles.”

I suppressed a laugh as all of the surrounding boys looked down at her chest, but I maintained eye contact with her as I assured her, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Once we had plates loaded with breakfast, the kids disappeared and resurfaced moments later with an older man with a clip board. He was signing up participants for the pig hunt and added Katniss to the list. 

That blond guy that we’d passed making out with the girl in the hallway yesterday, pushed his way through the crowd of kids and interrupted Katniss and the hunting coordinator. 

“What’s the hold up? I’m ready, let’s go,” he demanded. He looked me over, clearly sizing me up. “You hunting?”

“Not me,” I said, “Her.”

He glanced between us, looking like it had to be a joke.

“She’s going to hunt a wild pig?” He asked incredulously, “Better leave that for the guys, honey. Wouldn’t want the kickback to break a nail.”

I could feel her stiffen next to me as my blood boiled up in indignation on her behalf. “Actually, she hunts with a bow and my money’s on Katniss.”

“Care to make it interesting?” His obnoxious sense of entitlement coloring every word. I was dying to wipe that smirk off his smug face.

“What do you have in mind?” Katniss asked quietly.

He glanced around and caught sight of the kids area adjacent to the pool where we’d eaten our breakfast. He gestured towards a woman wearing a Little Mermaid outfit and said, “If I bag a pig before you do, you come to the luau in that get up.” He licked his lips and openly appraised her.

As far as I’m concerned, Katniss is heart-stoppingly gorgeous. But she isn’t classically, or maybe I mean conventionally, beautiful. It isn’t the arrangement of her features that attract guys to her. She inspires something in most men that makes them want to conquer her (whereas I just want to worship her). Her strength and capability, her intelligence and independence, her single-minded devotion to the things she loves. And okay, her aloofness and imperious nature. These things drive men crazy on some primal level. This generally translates into them wanting to either possess her (most easily achieved by fucking her, obviously) or, if they realize this isn’t an option, they need to tear her down in some way. I braced myself for this asshole’s reaction, but I had learned my lesson with the duffle bag incident and knew she would not appreciate any alpha male interference. So I stood my ground next to her and hoped she knew I had her back.

“And if I win, you pay for a week of summer camp for each of these kids.” She gestured at our new friends and he rolled his eyes, but stuck his hand out to seal the bet. He held her hand longer than was necessary and she yanked hers back. I seriously hated this guy. 

We headed back and Katniss changed into pants and long-sleeved shirt. I was worried she’d get hot, but she brushed off my concerns, lacing up her hiking boots. She was all business and said nothing more to me other than lamenting the fact that she didn’t have her bow. 

Two of the local boys showed up with their dads just before the hunting party was to depart. One of the men, who spoke mainly Hawaiian pidgin, the local dialect, offered to be her guide. She gratefully accepted and headed out with the men. 

I was left to play soccer with the kids and search for seashells and beach treasures. After a few hours, I showered, shaved and dressed for the luau. I was considering heading back up to the hotel alone when she walked in filthy and with blood streaked down her shirt. Before I could panic, she explained that she had successfully killed a pig, but had offered it to her guide and his family as they were not permitted to hunt on the resort grounds and she felt the pig would be better used by the community than the resort. Of course she had. Unfortunately, this meant that the douchey guy had won the bet. She held out the shopping bag containing the offending mermaid costume.

“Katniss, you don’t have to wear that. Fuck him.”

She looked up at me ruefully and said, “A bet’s a bet. I’m going to shower and face the unbelievably embarrassing music. Let’s just get this over with.” 

When she came out of the bathroom wearing a black one piece bathing suit, I was just struggling into the shimmering mermaid-tail skirt. It was too tight to zip and impossible to walk in, but I had managed to get it on over my ass.

She barked out a laugh and asked, “What the hell are you doing, Peeta?”

“There is no way I’m letting that asshat force you into wearing this thing. Can you help me with the shell bra, I can’t figure out how to make it work.” She used the ribbon on the fruit basket to extend the length of the straps and once it was secured, I ran my hand through my hair and asked in my most seductive voice, “How do I look?”

A strange expression crossed her face as she answered, “You look beautiful” before levering up on her toes and kissing me full on the mouth. It wasn’t a soft kiss, it was fierce and demanding, and it left me stunned and breathless. Katniss Everdeen had just kissed me.

She grabbed a sarong from the back of the chair and secured it over her bathing suit. Next, she grabbed my hand, lacing her fingers through mine as we shuffled up the path to the luau, the tightness of the skirt forcing me to take tiny, stilted steps.

“I feel like a geisha.”

“Or Effie Trinket. Next time, we’ll get you some heels.” She smiled over at me and I tightened my grip on her hand. This was going to be best luau ever, the best night ever, since it was going to end with me kissing Katniss Everdeen goodnight. I shivered in anticipation, or perhaps because I was wearing a coconut shell bra. Nope, it was definitely anticipation. And fuck if there’d a pillow between us tonight...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As things between Peeta and Katniss start to heat up, Peeta finds his insecurities, and his best intentions, to be a bigger barrier that he anticipated. 
> 
> “Why do we need to stop?” She sounded a little what? Pissed? Frustrated? I had to not blow this.
> 
> I ran my hand through my hair and look a shaky breath, before grabbing her hand and lacing our fingers together. “Because I’ve wanted this for such a long time, Katniss, forever really. And I couldn’t stand it if I wasn’t absolutely sure you wanted it too.”
> 
> “But I do want to.” She was looking down at our linked hands and leaned into me, pressing our chests together.
> 
> “Then you’ll still want to tomorrow when we’re not drunk, right?” I shook my head. “You have no idea how hard this is for me. I just have to know that you’re safe. That you won’t regret anything. That this is real.” I shrugged clumsily and she tipped her head up to look into my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Week 5 of District 12 Drabbles dialogue prompt. It is unbetaed, so please excuse the mistakes that I'm sure are lurking throughout. I'm appleblossomgirl0305 on Tumblr if you want to hit me up!
> 
> This chapter earns it's M rating, or possibly ratchets it up to an E rating (I'm not entirely sure where that line is...) If you enjoy it enough to read a next chapter, let me know, and I'll get crackin'!

The douchy guy, who was three sheets to the wind by the time we shuffled up the path, cackled like a hyena when he saw me.

He leaned into Katniss and said, "Let me know when you get sick of this pussy and I’ll see if I can fit you in.” He was slurring and obviously drunk, but it took all of my willpower not to punch him in the face.

The blond barnacle stuck to his side glared menacingly at Katniss, like Katniss was somehow to blame for her boyfriend’s disgusting behavior. Then she quickly changed tack and without losing any of the resentment in her eyes, ran her hand up my arm and purred, “I dunno, I think he looks pretty.”

Katniss barely spared the two blonds a glance before lightly squeezing my hand and walking towards a whole pig roasting on a spit. The guy turning the pig explained that it took too long to cook a kālua pig in an underground oven. Katniss was disappointed, but hoped the local families had gotten their pig buried in time for their party.

We were handed tropical cocktails in fake coconuts with lots of garnishes and directed to a table of appetizers that looked too pretty to eat. The whole luau felt commercialized. The hula dancers looked cartoonish and everything down to the tiki torches looked staged.

Junior, the boy whose father had guided Katniss in the hunt earlier that day, gestured from the bushes. He shook his head in amusement at my outfit, and asked if we wanted to come to real Hawaiian party. We nodded enthusiastically and he promised to come get us in ten minutes, "after I’d changed".

We quickly finished our drinks and hurried back to our dwelling. Pleasantly buzzed by the Mai Tai and Katniss' proximity, I struggled out of the mermaid costume and exchanged it for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I was just slipping my shoes on when Katniss came out of the bathroom wearing a peach sundress. It had a halter-top neckline and reached to just above her knees. Her hair was down and hung in loose waves around her shoulders. My stomach clenched and my mouth flooded with saliva. I swallowed audibly, and unable to trust my voice, whispered, "You're stunning. Absolutely gorgeous."

"Thank you. You too." She gestured at me and I laughed. I crossed the room in two strides and took her in my arms as I'd always wanted to. I leaned in to kiss her, inhaling her intoxicating scent as I heard a knock on the door frame.

"You two lovebirds ready to come to a real cookout?" Junior asked grinning.

I looked from Katniss to Junior dumbly unable to reconcile the underage interruption with my need to kiss Katniss.

Junior let out an appreciative whistle before snorting and saying, “Damn, Kat, you look so good, I think you broke him!”

Before I could think better of flipping off a teenager, it was done and we were following his snickering shoulders out the glass doors. He led us down the beach to where his buddies were waiting. They scattered out and kicked the ever-present soccer ball down the beach, heckling and laughing at each other. Katniss and I trailed a few feet behind them, walking hand in hand down the beach. I wasn't sure what exactly had changed for her, but there was an energy crackling between us as we stole glances at each other and I longed to blow off the party and drag her back to the bungalow to see how far she was interested in taking this.

When we had walked about 15 minutes down the beach, we came to a gathering with a bonfire, the kids excitedly grabbed Katniss by the hand and led her away from me to a larger group of men. Junior’s dad was regaling the group with the story of Katniss’ hunting prowess and as she walked up to the group, she was high fived, clapped on the shoulder and offered multiple beers. A plate of grilled fish and macaroni salad was placed in her hands. Several of the guys our age, all white teeth, dark skin and lithe swimmer’s bodies were openly admiring her. And why not? She was a goddess. She was luminous. No wonder these guys couldn’t keep their eyes off her.

Of course they wanted her. I sat down at a picnic table and watched her from across the fire. I twisted off the cap of the beer that was handed to me without even looking up at who had given it to me and drained it in one long swallow. I watched as an Hawaiian Adonis in surf shorts and an open button down shirt displaying his washboard abs who stood inches from her leaned in to brush something out of Katniss' hair. I helped myself from the cooler to my right and swallowed down another bitter beer. He spread his arms wide in some sort of measurement gesture and my heart sank as I watched her laugh. I could feel her slipping away and nearly choked on the agony of coming so close and then losing her. Of course she wanted one of these other guys. Guys that could swim, hunt, keep up with her in every way. Why would anyone, particularly Katniss, want boring, desperate, pitiful me. I should have known kissing me had meant nothing to her. I chugged a third beer.

Little Liliquoi came up and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the kid’s game on the beach. I stood up too fast and sat back down heavily as the alcohol and the misery pulled me under. Realizing I was drunk and, as usual, unneeded, I decided that I should just head back to the hotel. I should probably pack up my stuff and see if I could get a room at the main building so Katniss could bring her new “friend” back and enjoy the honeymoon suite as it was meant to be enjoyed. I could practically hear my mother’s cackling laugh in my ear as I nearly doubled over from the sharp stab of pain brought on by the mental image of Katniss with another man. My mother was right, I was stupid, worthless, pathetic.

Liliquoi was still tugging on my hand as I felt Katniss’ small body slide behind mine on the bench. She wrapped her arms around my chest, pressing her small breasts into my back and propping her chin on my shoulder.

“Sorry, Liliquoi, he’s mine for the night. You can play with him tomorrow.”

I peeked over my shoulder at her to make sure this wasn’t some sort of joke and she kissed my nose.

I could have cried from the relief that spread through my body like sunlight, infusing me with a relief so profound, I felt weak.

She scooted even closer to me and slid her hands around my stomach, pressing herself flush against me. “How long do we need to hang out here before we can gracefully head home?” she whispered breathily in my ear. Tendrils of lust unfurled in my stomach.

Reaching back to wrap my hands around her thighs, I stood up securing her to my back. She laughed and insisted I put her down. But I headed into the forested area just beyond the beach with her protesting, yet clinging to my back.

Once we had entered the thick cover of the trees, I released her legs and let her slide down my back. I pushed her against a smooth-barked tree and boxed her in with my arms. I was frantic to kiss her, but still smarting from the aftershocks of my anxiety attack. I felt vulnerable and scared.

She grabbed my chin and lifted my eyes to meet hers.

“What is it?” she asked, concern clear in her voice.

I couldn’t hold her eyes as I answered, “Nothing. Nothing’s the matter.”

She cocked her head skeptically and stated, “Something feels off.”

“I just got worried that maybe you liked that guy back at the bonfire.” I answered sheepishly.

“Peeta,” she said, looking deeply into my eyes, maybe even my soul, “I like you. I don’t generally do things I don’t want to do. And right now, I really want to kiss you.” And, swaying slightly, she levered up on her toes and did just that.

I could taste the beer and her coconut lip balm on her lips. I stopped thinking and just fell head-first into the sensation of kissing her. I'd imagined kissing Katniss a million times, even sadly, while while kissing other women, so in my inebriated state, I kept fading in out of certainty that this was real.

When she pulled away just enough to suggest we take this back to the bungalow, I literally pinched myself to assure my brain this wasn't some sort of fever dream.  
And as sad as it was to admit, I was afraid to do anything that would give her a chance to change her mind. I leaned back in and began kissing my way down her neck.

"Peeta," she breathed, pushing lightly against my chest.

"Yeah," I murmured back, running my hands down her sides until my fingers found the hem of her dress and brushed against the skin of her thighs.

"Ahhh," she sighed, then pushed me away more firmly. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, ‘cause I am. But we should get out of the forest. It's really not safe at night."

One of my hands was still touching the skin of her thigh as I waged a quiet internal battle, “On a scale from one to Australia, how dangerous are we talking?”

Laughing she replied, "Well, there are no snakes in Hawai'i, but there are scorpions and centipedes…”

That was a sobering thought and I immediately felt weirdly exposed and kinda itchy. This must have shown on my face because she shook her head and smiled before leading me out of the tree cover and back onto the beach.

The sky had gone dark and I felt a twinge of sadness at having missed one of the numbered Hawaiian sunsets I had left. I promised myself that I wouldn’t miss another one.

“What do you think the chances are of us getting back down the beach without your underage entourage spotting us?” she teased.

“Or your cadre of admirers?” I countered.

She narrowed her mercury eyes at me and said, “They were only admiring my hunting skills. And you’re cute when you’re jealous.” She seriously had no idea of the effect she had, but now was not the time to enlighten her about the how many men I had watched try to seduce her over the years. I was suddenly struck that maybe it wasn’t aloofness that held her apart, but that she honestly didn’t grasp her own worth. Somehow, this made me want her even more. I grabbed her hand and hoped I’d never have to let go.

“C’mon, I’ll sneaky race you.”

“What’s a sneaky race?” she asked, chuckling.

I crouched down and started to scurry along the shadowy margin between the beach and the treeline. Laughing, she followed before breaking out into a full out run, dragging me behind her. Damn, even in the dry sand, she was fast. As we arrived in front of the bungalow, I doubled over and grabbed my knees, completely out of breath. I was still feeling seriously tipsy, but the run had slightly sobered me up. So when Katniss ran her hand up my back and offered me a glass of water, I felt unexpectedly shy. I felt like I had been through an emotional ringer tonight and I was a little too inebriated to sort everything out. Still, I gulped down the water and fell into step behind her, hypnotized by the swaying of her hips as she climbed the steps.

We had barely made it through the glass doors before she had turned and pushed me back against the wall. I was drowning in the sensations of her soft mouth and small, strong body pressing against mine. I tried to get my mind to focus on why any part of this was a bad idea.

“Katniss, we’ve been drinking.”

“Yeah, so?” She was licking up my neck and I was having trouble holding on to coherent thought, let alone forming words.

“So we need to cool it.” One of her hands was yanking down the neck of my t-shirt as her hot mouth suctioned onto my collar bone, while the other snaked down the front of my pants, her fingers scissoring over the base of my painfully hard erection.

“Why would we want to do that?” she moaned as she wrapped her small hand around the base of my cock.

“Fuck,” I groaned, but grabbed her wrist and held her hand still. “We have to stop… now.” My mind and body were completely at odds and I knew if I didn’t stop her immediately, I’d be explaining why we shouldn’t do this as I came all over her hand.

The desperation in my voice seemed to get her attention and she withdrew her hand from my pants. She met my eyes with a look of lust-addled confusion.  


“Why do we need to stop?” She sounded a little what? Pissed? Frustrated? I had to not blow this.

I ran my hand through my hair and took a shaky breath, before grabbing her hand and lacing our fingers together. “Because I’ve wanted this for such a long time, Katniss, forever really. And I couldn’t stand it if I wasn’t absolutely sure you wanted it too.”

“But I do want to.” She was looking down at our linked hands and leaned into me, pressing our chests together.

“Then you’ll still want to tomorrow when we’re not drunk, right?” I shook my head. “You have no idea how hard this is for me. I just have to know that you’re safe. That you won’t regret anything. That this is real.” I shrugged clumsily and she tipped her head up to look into my eyes.

“I think I have some idea,” she chuckled, gesturing to my raging hard on, “While I find this really annoying, I get it. And if wasn’t so insanely turned on, I’d probably think it was sweet. But,” she took a step away from me and dropped my hand, “You can’t argue with me for taking matters into my own hands.” She slid her hands up the sides of her thighs, dragging the hem of her dress up with them. When she reached the edge of her underwear, she plunged both hands between her legs.  


“Oh, fuck, Katniss, you might actually kill me.” My cock was throbbing painfully at this point and I fell back against the wall behind me.

She was the first girl that I had ever wanted. All of my masterbatory experiences were played to her tune. Mental images of her breasts, her lips, her skin, her warm wet pussy were the foundations my sexual fantasies were built on. I wasn’t sure my mind was capable of processing the real thing and remaining conscious at the same time.

Slowly, she walked backwards while slipping her dress over her head. Her white cotton bra and underwear glowed in the moonlight streaming in the windows. She skimmed her hands up her torso until she was palming her breasts. I slid down the wall, my legs effectively giving out.

She sat back on the bed, propped up on her elbows. “Sure you don’t want to help me?” She asked innocently.

“More than anything in the world,” I choked out. “But my dick is so hard I think my legs have gone numb.”

She chuckled then reached back and unhooked her bra, sliding the straps down her arms and exposing her perfect breasts. “Well then. Feel free to join me from over there.”

My head thunked against the wall as I tore my eyes away from her to pull my shirt over my head. This was actually happening.

Katniss dragged her underwear down her slender legs and slipped them over her heels, before planting her feet on the edge of the bed. She exhaled a soft moan as she ran her hand down over her sex and I nearly sprained my finger trying to get my shorts unbuttoned. When I finally got my fly down was able to push my shorts and boxers down my hips, my dick audibly slapped against my already clenching stomach. I was so torn between my desperate need to stroke my painfully hard cock and my equally overwhelming need to commit every sound and movement she was making to memory.

She seemed equally divided as she stared at me through the frame of her legs before plunging two of her fingers into her pussy and dropping her head back against the bed with a gasp of pleasure. Her other hand slid down from her breast and began to furiously rub her clit.

I cannot overstress how much I love that she is not a patient woman. When there is something she needs, she isn’t coy about getting it. She eats with gusto, sucks drinks down without toying with her straw and watching her pleasure herself was the sexiest thing I have ever experienced. I feared I would spontaneously come just from the sight of her. Even the slight breeze coming in from the open sliding-glass door felt like sufficient stimulation to make me go off like a rocket.

Instead I fisted my cock and began to stroke myself hard and fast, trying to match Katniss’ rhythm so my body could internalize what she liked. I knew it was only my whiskey dick that had prevented me from coming immediately, upon first contact. The orgasm was already building in my groin, infusing pleasure from the base of my spine to the tip of my straining dick. I felt strangely helpless and powerful at the same time.

As I watched Katniss writhing on the bed, her hands moving frantically in some tandem choreography that I couldn’t hope to replicate, but really wanted to try, the pleasure focused in around the head of my dick slowly enveloped the entire shaft. Her thighs tensed raising her ass off of bed as she came and she moaned, “Oh yes, yes, mmm.” The knowledge that I had just witnessed Katniss come, hurtled me over the edge of my own climax. The pressure that had been building in my balls and at the base of my cock exploded and pleasure radiated throughout my entire body as hot pulses of come shot out over my stomach.

Once I caught my breath, I wiped down my chest with my discarded t-shirt and crawled to the bed on tingling legs. Still breathing hard and spasming in her post orgasmic haze, she gazed at me with heavy lidded eyes.

"That was... interesting," she sighed.

I picked her her hand up off her taut stomach and brought it to my lips. She inhaled sharply as I sucked her finger, still damp with arousal, into my mouth. I moaned at my first taste of her and sucked her second finger into the wet heat of my mouth, running my tongue over her fingertips.

"Fuck, Peeta," she whispered and pulling her glistening fingers from my mouth, she traced them down her neck, between the valley of her breasts, in a circle around her belly button. My cock twitched to life as I saw where she was heading and I caught her hand before it disappeared between her thighs.

“Christ, Katniss, you are the. Most. Exquisite. Thing." I punctuated each emphatically whispered word with a kiss on her moon washed skin, her shoulder, the swell of her breast, the column of her neck, her soft lips. "And I will spend the rest of this vacation making you come non-stop, if you will just wait until tomorrow morning to get started." I needed her to understand how important this was, that we start whatever-this-was together with clear eyes and no chance of confusion.

She yawned, then wrinkled her nose adorably and said sleepily, "Okay, Peeta. The week-long continuous orgasm can start in the morning." Then she flipped over and pressed her naked back against me. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. Taking deep breaths through my nose, I willed my still-tipsy brain to focus and remember every detail of this unadulterated bliss: the smell of her hair, the warmth of her skin, the little clicking noise she made with her tongue as she drifted off to sleep. God, I loved this girl. And I had five days left to convince her how good we’d be together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta faces some insecurity demons and fights his way through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was written for the District12Drabbles prompt "Children". I had a little trouble navigating the kid/smut combo, so this a slightly tamer chapter. I promise they will be back in business next chapter.

As consciousness slowly crept in behind my shuttered eyelids, I took a quick mental inventory. My head ached. My eyes really did not want to open and deal with the onslaught of light that was turning my eyelids a violent red. And my right arm was completely asleep. In the instant that I realized that the object obstructing the blood flow to my arm was Katniss Everdeen’s gorgeous, but extremely heavy head, I cracked my eyes open to witness her using my bicep as a pillow. Who needed that arm anyway?

I took slow, deep breaths in through my nose to quell the nausea roiling my stomach. For a guy that worked part time in a bar, I was such a lightweight. With the exception of a few years in college when I used alcohol as a way to shut down the voice in my brain that still thirsted for Katniss despite her distance, I rarely drank.

Swallowing hard, I fought the queasiness and gazed down at the top of Katniss’ head. I watched in fascination as the sun glinted off of her ebony hair, illuminating red and orange highlights. My gaze slipped down to her bare shoulder and the events of last night came rushing back.

Holy fuck, last night had actually happened! The responding wave of desire that crashed over me sent pleasurable ripples of arousal to my rapidly hardening cock.

I rolled away from her slightly so as not to poke her with the good-morning stick, but then I was visibly tenting the thin sheet that covered us. I attempted to surreptitiously shift my hips away from her as I silently chanted my boner-killing mantra, picturing old men’s wrinkly butts and dead cats in an effort to get my body under control. 

“Why are you rocking the world?” Katniss moaned, balling her fists up over her eyes. She slid her leg up my thigh and I caught it just before she kneed me, but in doing so I rolled over exposing the full outline of my semi.

“Sorry.” I said, nearly giggling with the effort not to say, “Oh, baby, I’ll rock your world…” It was far too early in this relationship to bust out the cheesy, teasing one-liners. I admonished myself to subvert the dork, Mellark, bury it deep.

I had no idea how far the intimacy of last night would carry into today. I was worried about seeming too familiar or pushing her too far. It was common knowledge that she and Hawthorne had dated and broken up, but I couldn’t pinpoint either of those events by her behavior. Katniss kept her cards close to the vest at all times and I desperately wanted to seem them. But I was a very patient man.

She yawned, and stretched like a cat, pushing the entire length of her body against my side. Her small breasts were hugging my chest and it wasn’t helping the morning wood situation. She flipped over, pressing her back into me and stretched again. 

“Good god, you’re sexy.” I groaned. I honestly couldn’t help it. When she smirked at me over her shoulder, I responded by rolling over and pressing my now truly hard dick into her ass as I bit down on said shoulder.

She let out a deep throated laugh and pressed back into my erection. With the early morning light filtering in through the still partially open glass door, the quiet whisper of the waves against the sand, a naked, rumpled Katniss in bed next to me, I wondered in earnest if I had died and gone to heaven. I moaned into her neck.

“Okay, loverboy, I’m going to need some breakfast before the promised orgasmic marathon begins. Also, I need to brush my teeth. I feel kinda gross.”

“Me too,” I admitted, “though now I have a headache and a dick ache.” 

“I think you’ll survive.” She reached back and patted my thigh. I gave her shoulder a parting kiss. 

“Okay, as you wish. What do you like for breakfast?” It was embarrassing how many times I had wondered this as I stood at the counter in the pre-dawn light kneading all manner of dough, fantasizing about which she’d like best. 

“I’ll basically eat anything, though I’m not a huge fan of sweet first thing in the morning.”

I clutched my chest, “You wound this baker’s heart.” 

“Hey, you asked. Anyway, I didn’t mean you should make anything. Let’s just head up to the breakfast buffet. I’m pretty sure you drank more than I did last night.” I really wanted to cook for her. It had been uniquely satisfying feeding her something I made with my own hands and having her moan in appreciation. And that was just sandwiches. Unfortunately, we only had a small kitchen with a stovetop and microwave, but no oven. I was going to need a little preparation to make her something worthy of her of tongue’s attention. Best not to think about her tongue.

“How about, you stay naked, and I’ll run up to the resort and grab us some food.”

“K,” she yawned and smiled sleepily at me. I took an extra moment to admire her before pulling on some clothes. 

The buffet was in the same outdoor lanai at the top of the path. I grabbed two plates and began loading them up with fresh fruit and heavily buttered croissants. Despite my professional pride, I piled some mini-pastries on top. I ordered her a super cheesy omelette and as I waited for it to be cooked, I felt someone brush up against me. 

“Let me guess,” she said breathily into my ear, “you’re bringing her breakfast in bed.” I turned to see the blonde from the day before leaning into me literally batting her eyelashes.

I stepped back and replied, “Yep.”

“I could tell you were a gentleman. I was supposed to be here with a nice guy, but instead I chose the bad boy.” She shrugged and sighed heavily, like this had been out of her hands. 

“Sorry to hear that. Next time, I recommend the nice guy. We’re generally pretty grateful when we get the girl.” 

She giggled and wove her long fingers around my bicep. Everything about this woman from her golden hair to her shiny pink lip gloss to her lowcut blouse felt like a trap, like human quicksand. If you stood too close you’d get sucked in and before you knew it, you’d suffocate. 

Thankfully, my omelette was ready and my involuntary step away from her was towards our breakfast. 

Balancing the various plates and coffee cups like the cocktail waiter I was, I headed back down the path. I called, “Have a great day” over my shoulder. She cocked her hip and shot me a pouty smile and I felt like I had dodged a bullet. I couldn’t wait to get back to Katniss.

To my great dismay, I could see through the open door that she was on the deck, fully dressed and not alone. As I walked through the glass doors, I was even more bummed to see that she was talking with the Hawaiian Adonis from last night. He was tanned to a nutty brown, with dark auburn hair and startling green eyes. He waved when he saw me, flashing a blindingly white smile as grabbed one of the plates out of my hand and exclaimed, “Breakfast, awesome!”

He shoved one of the mini-muffins into his mouth whole. 

Katniss laughed and looked up at me gratefully before grabbing the omelette. “Thanks, Peeta, this looks amazing.” In the absence of utensils, she ripped the omelette in half and stacked in on half the croissant before moaning appreciatively at her first buttery bite. 

She mumbled around her second bite, “Finn came by to invite us to go diving with some of his friends.”

Popping a berry into his mouth, then wiping his hand on his shorts before holding it out to me, he offered, “I’m Finnick. It’s an incredible spot. Totally off the map. Not to be missed.”

Well fuck. Diving wasn’t an option, because I didn’t know how to swim. But I certainly wasn’t going to admit that now in front of this guy, who looked like a bonafide surf god. My stomach was roiling with frustration at being robbed of spending the morning with Katniss. I forced a smile. “That sounds great, but I’ve got a couple of things I need to take care of around here.” 

Katniss shot me a questioning look, before asking, “What stuff?”

I squinted down at my feet. What was I going to say? 

Finnick guffawed loudly and slapped my shoulder. “Never ask a man on the steps of the honeymoon suite “what stuff’ he has to take care of! Am I right?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Maybe if he thought we were newlyweds, he’d hold off on seducing Katniss, for a few hours at least.

“I don’t need to go, we can just hang out here today,” Katniss suggested, but I could detect the confusion, and probably disappointment, shading her words. 

I shook my head. “No, you should go.”

Just then, little Liliquoi ran up and grabbed my hand. Katniss smiled down her, her face lighting up. “Good morning, little miss. I guess I did tell you that you could play with him today. Can you keep him company if I go diving?” She shot me another perplexed look before turning her attention back to the little girl.

Liliquoi nodded solemnly and grasped my hand in both of hers, pulling me toward the other kids down the beach. Dammit, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Acquiescing, I called out flatly, “Have fun,” over my shoulder. 

“I’ll meet you back here at two,” she called back.

“Make that four,” countered Finnick. And my heart sank as I watched her grab a beach bag off the deck and follow Finnick’s golden back down the beach.

I did my best to hang out with the gang of kids, but my heart wasn’t in it this morning and they could tell. I promised to watch while they played some elaborate game, but I was having trouble understanding the rules and kinda zoned out instead, giving into the misery that was tugging me under. 

I glanced over as I felt someone drop heavily into the sand beside me. I was met with Konani’s drawn face, looking every bit as wretched as I felt. 

“Hey,” I said, bumping him with my elbow.

“Hey,” he replied grimly.

“What’s up?” Something about the way the corners of his eyes were pinched in anguish as he watched the waves felt eerily familiar.

“I got rejected.”

“By who?” 

“This girl I really, really like.”

I nodded sympathetically. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. It really does.”

“What happened?” I asked quietly, adding, “If you want to talk about it. Its cool if you don’t want to.”  
He grabbed fistfulls of sand as he rested his chin against his knees. “I asked her if she wanted to go diving at honu rock and she said no. She said she had to work.”

“Well, did she? Have to work?” 

“I dunno, maybe. But she works for her Auntie. She could have gotten out of it if she really wanted to.”

“That seems kind of unfair.” I couldn’t help it, I was a problem solver. “Don’t you think you need to ask her out and let her choose a time that works for her? Maybe offer to join her in something she likes to do?” Like Katniss likes diving, I thought morosely. 

“I guess. But it’s gonna be hard to ask her again.”

“Yeah,” I nodded slowly, “it will. Love takes guts.” 

“How do I get her to like me?” He looked so utterly miserable and I recognized that hopelessness immediately. I had the peculiar feeling that I was having this conversation with my fifteen year-old self, only I had never had the balls to ask Katniss out back then.

“I’m not really someone you should be asking for advice,.” I admitted, letting dry sand pour from between my fingers.

“Are you kidding? Katniss is the bomb, like basically the perfect girl. Anyone who can get with her is a definite role model.”

I chuckled. I couldn’t really argue with that logic. But considering how inappropriate it would be to pour out my insecure heart to this poor kid, I tried to think of how to twist this into something helpful.

“I guess what I would recommend is patience. Quiet, relentless adoration. Actually, maybe not the quiet part. Maybe that’s some of where I went wrong. Quiet might be for cowards.” I took a deep breath and really tried to think about the endless years of pining for Katniss from afar. How I had built her up until she was unreachable and then surrounded that tower with a moat of self doubt. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. “Okay, you’ve got to be patient, but you’ve also got to be direct. She needs to know how you feel, which can be really scary, but even if she doesn’t want you back the same way you want her right away, you stick it out. You be her friend. You tell her how smart she is, how strong, how unbelievably beautiful.” I cleared my throat, “Well, maybe just tell her she looks nice…Don’t push, but don’t turn your back on her either.”

He was nodding slowly, really taking in what I was saying and I felt a rush of affection for him. I really liked this kid. I wanted him to get the girl.

“What’s her name?”

“Emma.” He said it reverently. God, I really liked this kid.

“What is something Emma’s really good at?” I asked.

“Soccer. She’s the goalie for the school team.”

“Perfect. Talk to her about soccer. Tell her something you noticed about her last game, compliment her goalie skills!”

“But I suck at soccer. Won’t that just draw attention to the fact that I suck at something?”

“Are you kidding me? Isn’t how good she is at soccer one of the things you like about her?”

“Well, yeah. I love how focused she is. Like, she looks really mean and intimidating, but then when she makes a great save, she has this huge smile that takes up her whole face.” He was twisting a thread from his shorts tightly around his finger, turning the tip white. He glanced up at me looking embarrassed. “And she looks hot in those shorts, her legs are amazing!”

“Yeah, maybe stick with the fierce goalie skills and beautiful smile. Save the hot legs comments for once you’ve locked that down.” I laughed and he nodded smirking.

“Thanks, man.” He tipped slightly, bumping his shoulder against mine. “My dad’s not really around anymore, so it’s nice to have someone older to talk to instead of these losers.” He gestured at his friends who were embroiled in a knock-down, drag-out argument over the made up game they were playing. “What are you doing out here anyway? Why aren’t you ‘relentlessly adoring’ your crazy-hot wife?”

“Ah, she’s not my wife-”

“Okay, your crazy-hot girlfriend.”

I didn’t bother to quibble with him about the status of our maybe-relationship, but shrugged and tried not to let the crippling insecurity that was making my throat tight seep into my words as I said, “She went diving with Finnick.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Nah, man, Finnick's cool. He’s nuts about his lady. You got nothin’ to worry about. Seriously.”

I felt slightly embarrassed about being so comforted by his reassurance, but couldn’t keep the relief out of my voice as I replied, “I wasn’t worried, exactly. But that’s good to know.”

Konani suddenly jumped and exclaimed, “Hey, you don’t need any fish do you? Or fruit?”

I recalled my earlier plans to cook for Katniss and resolved to not let this minor setback become a major one. “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“See, Emma’s Auntie has a shop just down the road. I don’t really have any money, but if you wanted to maybe, pick some stuff up? I could take you over there?” His eyes were practically pleading with me.

I stood up and brushed the sand off my ass. “Lead the way, Romeo.”

Konani chattered animatedly as we walked down a trail that opened up into a rutted dirt road that led through the forested area beyond the beach. The reddish dust we kicked up darkened my legs and lightened his. We hadn’t walked more than ten minutes before we came to a small house that likely once been white, but the peeling paint exposed more wood than painted surface. There was a small lean-to off to the side of the house and as we walked around to it I saw it was filled with shelves of fruit and veggies and the hum of a small refrigerator. It was more of a produce stand than a shop. A small flock of chickens scattered like buckshot in our wake, clucking accusingly as they darted away. 

It was strange to see such a humble house on a dirt lot, just a stone’s throw from the opulence of the resort. The unsettling thought that the resort was an elaborate movie set crossed my mind. And I realized that it was the resort that was out of place, not Emma’s Auntie’s house. I longed to see more of the island.

A lovely young woman, barefoot, her long hair piled in a messy bun atop her head came scurrying out of the house, shooing chickens as she went. She was wearing a tank top and tiny athletic shorts, with legs for days. At the risk of sounding creepy, I could see where Konani was coming from.

“Hey, Nani, you checking on me?” she demanded.

“Nah, my bud, Peeta here, needed some stuff for a fancy dinner he’s making his girl.”

She eyed me suspiciously, but then her face softened and she asked, “What do you need?”

“Um, I’m not sure.” I glanced over at the nearest shelf, I didn’t recognize most of the produce in crate boxes. “What’s good?”

Konani came around slowly and stood between Emma and I, glancing at her as he spouted names I’d never heard of like lychee, rose apples and starfruit. I recognized what I thought might be an avocado, but it was a bright shiny green and about three times too big, other items looked more like weapons than fruit. My utter confusion must have shown on my face, because Emma grabbed a small, silver-dollar-sized spiky red ball and split the leathery skin with her teeth, exposing a translucent, pearly, fleshy ball that smelled like perfume. She offered it to me and I pulled it from the other hemisphere of its peel. I tentatively licked it and both Konani and Emma laughed as they popped their lychees into their mouths before spitting out a brown, lacquered seed. I followed suit and moaned in appreciation as I bit down and my mouth was flooded with sweet, perfumy juice. It was the sexiest fruit imaginable and it was giving me wicked ideas.

“I’ll take some of those,” I mumbled around the seed. “And whatever fish you have.”

A wizened, older lady with wild gray hair had quietly joined us and began putting items in a plastic handle bag. She was a chicken magnet, so soon the small lean-to was packed with four people and a dozen hens, so I stood back and let this woman, who Emma introduced as her Auntie Mags, load me up with whatever she thought I needed. 

Auntie Mags didn’t say anything, but when she shuffled out with her entourage of clucking chickens trailing behind her and handed me the bag, I just held out my open wallet. She could take whatever she thought was fair. She grabbed a few bills, folding the billfold back into my hand. She placed her leathery hand against my heart and nodded with a beatific smile that infused me with feeling of well being. I took what felt like my first full breath all day and thanked her profusely as she waved us off.

“So how’d it go?” 

Konani’s grin was blinding, completely transforming his face. “I asked if I could help her with goalie practice one of these days. She laughed, but said I could meet her after practice tomorrow night. Thanks, man.”

“It was all you.”

“I gotta go tell my boys,” he called out as he started running through tangled forest underbrush like a gazelle. I chucked as he disappeared into the vegetation. But almost immediately, I missed him. I missed the companionship. 

I loved my dad. He was a great guy on so many levels. But he had let me down, failed me in a truly fundamental way. He let my mom treat me like she did. He didn’t protect me like he should have. And in a blaze of certainty, I knew I would do better. And my heart ached to be a father. To build a family with Katniss. I chided myself to take it down a few notches and just get through dinner before accidentally proposing to her. 

I spent the next hour or so prepping dinner. I grilled the fish, made the fruit salsa and cooked handmade flour tortillas until they were bubbly and golden. I juiced the passion fruit (which I had learned today were also called liliquois) and made a syrup to use in a sunset cocktail. I started breaking the lychee fruits off of their stems, but then left several attached in a cluster. I nodded in approval at my preparations.

Realizing I still had a couple hours before Katniss was due back, I decided to put all of this nervous energy to good use. I threw on some athletic shorts and a sleeveless tank (something I probably wouldn’t have worn in front of Katniss for fear of looking douchy, but honestly it was hot enough that any reduction in fabric was a good call) and headed up to the main resort to hit the gym.

With the exception of an insanely ripped guy who must have been a professional bodybuilder and a slightly older woman, I had the facility to myself. As I ran through my usual circuit workout of weights, matt work and cardio on the eliptical, I kept catching the woman watching me in the mirrors. She was gorgeous and it didn’t hurt my confidence any to see the raw hunger in her eyes reflected back at me.

I was just finishing my cool down, when the ever-present blond girl from this morning strolled in, her skin-tight lycra outfit leaving nothing to the imagination. Her face lit up when she saw me and, after glancing confrontationally at the older woman, she settled next to me on the mat.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” she purred into my ear. 

I jumped up and got back on the eliptical, mainly as a diversionary tactic, since I was done with my work out. I cranked it up to high to discourage conversation and went until my legs were shaking. Stepping off the machine and wiping myself down with a towel, I quickly gathered my stuff to leave. As I turned, she was standing right behind me, so close I had to step back so as not to brush against her tits. 

“Where are you off to? Do you want some company?” She stepped towards me and I bumped my elbow against the door jam in an effort to get away. Because I knew this girl. I had dated several of her earlier prototypes in high school and college: really hot, in a tight-sweater and lots of makeup kinda way, but totally aware of that; needy, but also secretly bossy and manipulative; unsatisfied at their very core, so constantly striving and needing more things; unerringly competitive with other women, like there was actually some way to win at life if they could just beat one more.

“I’ve gotta go. Meeting Katniss.” I got through the door and was already heading down the path when I heard her disgruntled, “Bye.”

As I walked up to the bungalow on jelly-legs, I realized Katniss was already back. She met me at the open front door and I felt awkward about being so sweaty until I watched her eyes darken as she slowly raked them over my chest and arms. That was new. I had always had a stocky build, but the manual labor of the bakery made my arms, chest and shoulders my best assets. I don’t think Katniss had ever noticed them before though. All of sudden, my damp sleeveless shirt didn’t seem like such a bad call.

Then I took her in. She had changed from the black one-piece and hiking shorts she had worn earlier. She was wearing these tiny black swim shorts and a skimpy sky blue bikini top. I nearly tripped over my tongue at the expanse of perfect olive skin laid out before me. Then she took a bite of some green-skinned tropical fruit and orange juice dripped down her chin and trailed down her flat stomach to pool in her belly button. My self-control pulled a muscle resisting the urge to drop to my knees before her and lick it from her body. Fuck, this woman is the sexiest thing imaginable and I contented myself with filing that image away for when I had some quality alone time.

She jogged down the beach, slurping the dripping fruit and laughing over her shoulder about how now we both really needed a swim. I followed like one of those toddler toys on a string. I was about waist deep in the ocean watching her dive under a wave like a cinnamon-colored sea creature when some semblance of self-preservation kicked in and remembered I couldn’t swim. I walked backwards not wanting to miss the incredible sight of her resurfacing and tossing her sodden mass of obsidian hair over one shoulder. I sat down in the surf and just plain ogled her.

She looked around, puzzled, then spotted me back at the surfline. Glancing behind her she caught a wave and body surfed into the shallows before flipping over and sitting beside me.

“C’mon, let’s swim.” She grabbed my hand and started to pull me up and I seriously considered drowning if it meant she wouldn’t let go.

“Can’t swim.”

“Shut up.” She looked utterly scandalized.

“Sorry to disappoint you, fish-lady, I never learned.”

“Well, Mr. Everdeen, I’m afraid that is unacceptable. No kin of mine can not know how to swim.”

“What do you suggest, nymph of the sea?”

“I suggest that I teach you to swim.” If I was honest, this pretty much terrified me. But she was still holding my hand, so I resolved to give it try. If my last living experience involved a wet Katniss Everdeen in a sky blue bikini top, I would consider it a life well spent.

She led me out past the break of the waves, the water hitting just above my belly button and under her breasts. The waves were small, but the slight push and pull of the ocean still made me nervous.

“Okay, we’re going to try floating on your back.”

“Yeah, I can’t float.”

“Everyone can float. Just imagine you’re in the bathtub. I got you, I promise.”

“You realize that you’re ridiculously small.”

She scowled at me and my heart fluttered, “The water will do all the work. Now lay back and float.”

I did as she instructed and immediately started to sink. My middle bent as it sank deeper and water went up my nose and I started to panic. But then her hands were on my upper back and just below my ass and I was floating.

She clucked her tongue, “Relax, Peeta, I’ve got you. I promise.”

And I did relax, I let myself be lulled by the gentle undulation of the waves, the spidery wisps of her hair brushing against my chest. Having fallen into an almost trance-like state, I startled when she asked me softly, “Is that why you didn’t want to come today? Because you couldn’t swim?”

I cracked one eye open to peek up at her. She was gazing down at me, backlit by the sun, and my heart clenched painfully with the absolute beauty of her. I closed my eyes and answered, “It’s embarrassing. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Finnick. He looks like he was born swimming.” 

She snorted, “He might have been. He’s pretty amazing in the water.” I swallowed hard, willing myself not to fall back down the rabbit hole of insecurity that I’d spent all day clawing my way out of. “But you’re not so bad yourself.” The smile was evident in her voice so I cracked my eye open again to see her holding her hands up in front of her. 

I immediately buckled at the middle, plummeting underwater and remembering I could stand, came up sputtering. 

Katniss was grinning at me. “We’ll work on that.” If swim lesson ensured her hands on me, I kinda couldn’t wait.

We waded back to the shore, the tide pulling lightly at our footsteps, the sky blushing pink at the edges as the sun dipped towards the horizon. Katniss threw on a sheer cover up that I hadn’t noticed before and sat down on the sand next to her flipflops. I dropped down next to her.

I could see the outline of her bikini under the sheer gauzy fabric of her cover up and it was driving me wild with the need to touch her. But I was afraid to overstep and crowd her. It was hard to be so sure of something and want to jump in with both feet, while giving her the space she needed to come to it on her own.

"You're so quiet. Is everything okay?" 

I remembered my own advice to Konani today about love taking guts and I swallowed my uncertainty and grinned at her. The setting sun turned her eyes molten and I couldn't stand not touching her for a second longer. I scooted behind her so that she could lean back against me if she wanted and exhaled into her ear, "Everything is perfect."

I watched as goosebumps erupted across her skin and she melted back against my chest. I trailed my fingertips through the drops of seawater that still clung to her and she shivered. Turning in my arms, she rested her head against my shoulder and pulled my mouth to hers. The first touch of her tongue against mine sent a lazy peal of arousal down my spine, lighting up my senses as it pooled in my balls. Wrapping my arms around her I pulled her roughly against me until she was cradled in my lap. 

She sighed against my mouth, but pulled away, burying her face in my neck. “Damn. You realized we’re making out in broad daylight on a public beach, right? I don’t do crap like that.”

“Well, I’d actually call this more of a pre-sunset and I can’t keep my hands off you.” She rolled her eyes, but I thought she looked kind of pleased. 

“Hungry?” I asked, brushing my thumb across her swollen lower lip.

“Very,” she nodded, darting the tip of her tongue out to lick my thumb. I groaned, then stood up and offered her my hand. “I made dinner, let’s go.”

“Hmmm, you might be the perfect man…” she pondered.

“Why don’t you hold that thought until you experience what’s for dessert.

She nodded gravely, “I always do.”

“After you.” I smiled wickedly. This was going to be fun…


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! Another tough d12d on Tumblr prompt this week to incorporate into a WIP, but I did my best with a flashback scene (again, I hope I’m not cheating)! A huge thank you to the lovely and amazing Xerxia for pre-reading this with incredibly short notice. This chapter is unequivocally E rated for smut (which I'm pretty nervous about) -- please, enter at your own risk...

 

I threw together fish tacos and mixed the passion fruit mojitos before carrying plates out to the deck where Katniss was watching the sunset. I handed her a plate and her cocktail and she placed her plate on her lap before removing my drink from my hand and shaking her head at me.

“No drinks,” she smirked, placing both glasses behind her.

I laughed and scratched the back of my neck. “Think we could make a one-drink exception tonight? I hand squeezed about a million passion fruits to make that and I’m kinda excited to try it.”

She eyed me skeptically before nodding her assent and handing me back my glass. “It does sound really good.” She took a sip before nodding enthusiastically, “Yep, amazingly good.”

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

“So how was diving at Honu Rock?” I asked trying to keep any jealous overtones out of my voice.

“Amazing,” she mumbled around a mouthful of taco, before adding, “the food and the diving.”

“What was it like?” I was dying for her to tell me about it, to paint me a picture with her words.

“Well, it was this huge rock about fifteen feet out, across from the reef. And you can dive down and swim between the rock and the reef and see the craziest array of sea creatures imaginable. Fish in every color of the rainbow. Oh, and I touched a sea turtle that was, like, three feet across. That’s what “honu” means, it’s sea turtle in Hawaiian.”

I nodded, prompting her to continue.

“Finnick’s girlfriend, Annie, was there. She’s a little spacey, but very kind. She knew her way around a tidepool the way I know my way around the forest back in Twelve. She taught me loads about what was edible and the best way to harvest shellfish and Finnick is a pro spearfisherman. He actually makes a living working for the resort teaching tourists how to surf and spearfish.”

“So he’s essentially just cool for a living.”

“Pretty much,” she grinned.

And here was the jealousy, rising up like bile. I wanted to see a rainbow of fish. I wanted to show Katniss things she had never seen before and share them with her.

“Hey,” she said softly, taking my hand, “I bet, once we’ve got you swimming, we can talk Finnick into taking us out again.”

I smile over at her, meeting her silver eyes. I had wanted her to look at me like this, really see me, for basically my entire life. I wave of gratitude washed over me, followed closely by a tsunami of desire.

“I’d like that.” I ran my knuckles down her cheek.

She bit her lip and glanced down at my plate. “Done?”

I nodded and she grabbed my plate off my lap, before carrying them in to wash them. We made quick work of cleaning up the little kitchen. I made a point of brushing against her delectable ass as often as possible as we navigated around the small space.

“Ready for dessert?” I asked, trying to keep the lecherous intent out of my voice.

‘For dessert? I was born ready, Mellark.”

“Good. C’mere.” She sauntered over to me slowly, her eyes lit with curiosity and excitement. “Did I mention that it is a special dessert that requires you to be completed naked?” Despite last night and the kisses we've shared today, I needed to know she's okay with things moving in a decidedly sexual direction.

“Hmmm, I’ve never had that type of dessert,” she hummed.

“It is not to be missed.”

“Okay,” she nodded and reached for the bottom of her cover up. I grabbed her hands and kissed them softly before placing them by her sides.

“It also requires you to be completed relaxed in order to fully enjoy the experience.”

I ghosted my hands down her shoulders and over her arms until I reached the hem of her cover up. Careful not to pull her hair, I lifted it over her head. Turning her around so her back was pressed against me, I tilted her head back. I traced my fingers along the shell of her ear, gathering her hair as I caressed my way down her neck. When her long tresses were tucked over the opposite shoulder, I untied the straps of her bikini top, trailing the fabric along her breasts. Releasing a shaky exhale, she arched into the slight pressure, seeking my hands. But they had already started to trail down her stomach to the button of her swim shorts. I dropped the bikini top to free up both hands, murmuring into her hair, “I love this color on you.”

“Its Prim’s, she let me borrow it,” her voice was thick and honeyed.

“You look exquisite in it. Almost as exquisite as out of it.” She narrowed her eyes, peeking up at me with a smirk and I knew less talking was going to be key here. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from spewing romantic platitudes and she had no patience for it.

I refocused and popped the top button of her shorts. Her breath caught as I slowly pulled her zipper down. She was bare underneath and I had to bite the inside of my cheek, hard, to keep my body in check. I slid the shorts down her legs and steadied her as she stepped out of them. I turned her around to face me in all of her naked glory. She was unfathomably beautiful. I was incredibly grateful for the one cocktail rule we’d enforced, because between her slight unsteadiness, pink cheeks and glassy eyes, I would have assumed she was drunk. I reminded myself to keep quiet and put my mouth to better use.

“Lay down,” I instructed, “close your eyes.”

Once she was situated on her back on the bed, I retrieved the branch of lychees I’d saved earlier. I ran the rough-skinned fruits down the length of her body and watched the goosebumps rise in their wake.

“What is that?” she asked breathlessly. I placed a single lychee fruit in her hand and she examined it with her fingers. “I can’t think of anything that would feel like that.” I rolled it along the inside of her arm, over her shoulder, up her neck and along her lips. She parted them, and I pulled it away from her mouth to split the taut skin with my teeth.

“It’s called a lychee fruit. I think you’re going to like it.” I removed the delicate, fleshy fruit from its roughly-textured rind and brushed it across her still parted lips. Her tongue darted out to taste the juice and she hummed in approval, “Yum. It’s like eating perfume, only sweet and delicious.” She opened her eyes, lifting her head slightly to get a look at the fruit.

I sat back on my heels and chided her, “I knew you were going to have trouble keeping your eyes closed.” I had spent enough time studying Katniss to know that the best way to get her to do something was to issue a challenge. She had to be one of the most directly competitive people on earth. Good thing, I was discretely competitive (I prefered this description to manipulative, but I’d been called a good liar too many times over the years to fool myself that there weren’t manipulative shades coloring my competitive nature.)

I wasn’t trying to screw with her or be a dominating prick, I just realized that this was going to go much more smoothly if I could orchestrate pleasuring her. Getting to touch her and be with her like this was still a little too intense for me. I didn’t need to be distracted by my own body’s needs just yet. I was dying to prove that I was a worthy lover. And shooting my load the second she touched me, didn’t seem like an auspicious start.

She must have seen whatever she needed to, because she scowled at me for a moment before laying her head back down on the bed and closing her eyes. “Better?”

“Much.”

“Can I open my eyes?”

“Not yet,” I responded. “I’ll save you some for after we’re through with our dessert.” She harrumphed, but kept her eyes closed. “Now, when I let you taste it, know that there is a seed in the middle, so bite down softly.” She nodded and opened her mouth further.

The sight of her laid out before me naked, trusting me with her eyes closed and her lips parted was almost too much for me. My dick was already throbbingly hard and I’d barely touched her.

I ran the translucent, white flesh over her lips again and, being very careful not to touch any other part of her, I replaced the fruit with my lips. Our tongues met on her lower lip and we both breathed in sharply. I pulled back, not wanting to get sucked into the pleasure of kissing her yet.

I dragged the lychee down her neck, lapping at the slick line of juice left in its wake. Next, I circled her nipple, watching as it hardened and peaked. I couldn’t keep my mouth off her succulent breast. Moaning, she arched up into my mouth and I sucked as much of her into my hot mouth as I could before repeating the process on her other breast.

As I laved her other nipple with my mouth’s attention, the fruit continued its travel south, between her ribs and along her stomach, pausing to circle the sensitive skin around her belly button. Sweet lord, she was mouthwatering.

Her breathing had picked up and she was running the blanket between her fingers. Removing the skin from a second fruit, I came around to kneel on the side of the bed and kissed her softly. She arched up trying to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back, maintaining a light brush of our lips. I had to keep my grip on this tenuous thread of control I had or I would lose it. Luckily, this required some concentration so I centered myself. I licked the seam of her lips, just as I rubbed the lychee over the lips of her pussy.

“Oh,” she gasped, her shoulders pulling slightly up off the bed. I pressed her back into the mattress by deepening the kiss. As I plunged my tongue into her mouth, I parted her lower lips with the slick orb and began to drag it slowly between her folds.

She moaned into my mouth and my dick twitched hard in response. I could barely choke out words, but I asked, “Okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathed more than said.

“I’m going to enjoy my dessert now, but I don’t want you to miss out, so here’s a taste.” I brought the second peeled lychee to her lips and she accepted it into her mouth, sucking lightly on it as I moved back down to kneel between her legs.

Watching her get herself off last night had been such a frenzy of conflicting needs and wants, I was dizzy with excitement to be able to completely focus my attention on her body's reactions and what I had done to elicit each one. I told my dick to chill out as I spread her legs further apart to accommodate me. I took a deep breath and began to trace the pulpy fruit in circles around her clit, being careful not to actually stroke it… yet.

“Oh my god,” Katniss mumbled around the lychee she was still sucking. I rolled the silky fruit down through her folds before squeezing it slightly to drip the juice directly onto her swollen clit. She rasped out a gravelly moan and I bit my lip hard to steady myself. Taking a shaky breath, I took in her exquisite body. The blanket was balled up in her fists and her head was thrown back against the bed as her chest rose and fell with her ragged breaths and her body was visibly trembling. She was glistening with juice and arousal and I couldn’t stand not tasting her for a second longer.

I licked her gently, up the length of her pussy, circling her clit like I had done with the lychee. Whimpering, she pulled her heels up onto the edge of the bed and pushed up into my mouth, trying to concentrate the pressure on her clit. I wanted to devour her, but forced myself to draw this out, make it last.

It is no exaggeration to say that I had been waiting for my entire adult life to taste her. Ever since Drake Parnell had tried to describe the experience of eating out Brianna Lange when we were fourteen, I'd been fantasizing about Katniss Everdeen coming on my tongue. I love going down on women. It is the perfect way to maximize their pleasure without letting my body's demands eclipse my focus. I also excel at using my hands, baker's dexterity and endurance, but girls can use their own hands, so I love using my mouth. Every woman I've ever dated has served as a training grounds. I've gotten lots of practice preparing for this opportunity and this was unequivocally going to be the performance of my lifetime.

Resting the lychee on her hip, I ran both my hands up her body until I was massaging her breasts. She was so small, but strong. Her breathing was just starting to slow and she had dropped her ass back onto the bed, knees spread wide, as I resumed gently stroking her clit with the tip of my tongue. At the same time, I rubbed her taut nipples with my finger tips. When she gasped and moaned my name, "Peeta, please," I swear I nearly came. I had dreamed that very sound a thousand times as I stroked myself, but hearing it for real was fantastically arousing. I groaned into her and she pushed back up into my mouth, pleading.

As much as I wanted this to last forever, I've mentioned my awareness that Katniss is not a patient woman. Rolling her nipples between each of my finger and thumb, I began to lick her more vigorously, but being sure to mix up the patterns of stimulation, back and forth, up and down to get her closer to the edge, but not let her come.

I was rewarded with her exclamation of, "Fuck, yes, Peeta, more. More!"

Pausing, I untangled her hands from the blanket and placed them on her breasts. She immediately began groping herself and plucking her nipples. Goddamn that was hot. I needed to keep my head, but my cock was throbbing painfully at this point so I eased my shorts down far enough to let it spring free. The relief was overwhelming, but so was the need to seek more substantial relief. I needed to stay focused on the task at hand (and mouth).

I peeled another lychee and using the one I had left on her hip, I carefully squeezed her clit between the two fruits, rolling it gently between them.

"What the fuck, oh my god!" she called out. I began to lick and suck her harder as I plunged two thick fingers into her. She was literally dripping wet and my cock surged in need. I leaned forward and began to rub it against the silky fabric. I was already so close.

The erotic combination of the lychee juice and Katniss’ nectar were intoxicating. This woman made me feel drunk, shuddering deliciously on the edge of my self-control. Her writhing and her body’s responsiveness were the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced.

"I'm coming, ohmygod, Oh god!" she cried out as I felt her pleasure peak, pulsing deliciously against my tongue and fluttering around my fingers, her entire lower body arched off the bed, trembling in release. She collapsed and kept moaning quietly, "Oh my, oh my."

I was harder than I had ever been in my life. With a horrified jolt, I realized that if she wanted to return the favor, or holy shit, have sex, I would go off like a rocket in two seconds flat. I couldn't let that be her first impression of my abilities or longevity. Pulling my fingers from her still clenching pussy, I ran my palm over her, collecting her wetness. I sucked open mouthed kisses along her slick thighs and I grasped by aching cock and stroked it frantically five or six times before burying my face in her pussy as I came. My orgasm was hard and sharp and left me panting. I kissed my way up her body and collapsed on her side, my chin resting on her shoulder.

"You're really fucking good at that. A little unexpectedly bossy, but absolutely worth it." She ran her fingers through my hair and I suddenly understood why cats purr. Her hands roamed down the back of my neck and over my shoulders, scratching lightly as they descended down. She rolled over towards me, pushing me onto my back. "Your turn," she whispered.

"I, uh... I already took care of myself," I responded sheepishly. As embarrassing as that was to admit, I was unbelievably grateful she wouldn't witness me coming that hard, that fast. "I couldn't help myself. That was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

Shaking her head, she laughed, "In that case, I think we can strike some kind of deal." She spit the lacquered lychee pit out her mouth and asked, "Do you have any more of these? I'm not sure I can eat one without blushing, but they were really good." I nodded and started to get up, but she caught my hand.

"First I need a shower. Want to join me?" Yes, yes I certainly did.

"We should probably change the blanket too," I cringed, "I, uh, might have accidentally come all over it."

As we stood in the warm rain of the small indoor shower, soaping each other's bodies, I felt like I was in some sort of blissed-out trance. I didn't know it was possible to be this happy. If I had any sort of assurance that she would want to continue this, to be in a relationship with me back home, I might have passed out from euphoria. I scolded myself to stop wanting more and just enjoy the perfection of this moment.

As amazing as it all was, and it was nothing short of amazing, I was realizing that my fantasies weren't really about having incredible sex with Katniss, they were about loving her. The sex was a vital and insanely incredible expression of that love, but I wanted more of her than her body. I didn't know how to bridge the chasm between what we were doing and what I wanted.

I realized she had stopped moving and looked down at her through the steam. She was staring at my dick and I felt it twitch in response to her attention. She smirked up at me and asked, "You are going to let me touch you eventually, right?" This isn't some sort of monastic or kinky thing?"

"Uh, no, you can touch me whenever, however, as often as you want. Please and thank you."

"I love a man with manners. And that's good," she ran her hand down my stomach and palmed me. I breathed in slowly, feeling myself swell into her touch. "I'm looking forward to it." She wasn't the only one.

We dried off and she slipped on that old t-shirt and a pair of boyshorts. I was bummed that I wouldn't be waking up to her naked beside me, but it was also incredibly intimate to get to see what she wore to bed. Grudgingly, I figured it was probably polite to don some boxers.

I couldn’t help openly gawking at her as she wove her towel dried hair into a quick braid.

"I've always loved watching you do that." I said, not really meaning to say it out loud.

"What? Braid my hair? Don't you know how to?" I shook my head. "I thought everyone knew how to braid." She sat next to me on the bed and pulled her hair as dark as night over her shoulder. With exaggerated, deliberate movements, she demonstrated how to cross the three equal sections of hair over each other, leaving a braid in her finger's wake. She undid several inches and scooted in between my legs offering me the sections of hair. I held them, trying desperately not to pull, and began layering them like she had shown me. I wasn't as neat as the braids she did blindly, but she wrapped the hair band around the end and smiled back at me before slipping under the covers. I scooted in behind her, spooning her, and marveling at how perfectly our bodies fit together. Unable to help myself, I ran her braid through my fingers, wondering at how many small, but intimate gifts this time with her had awarded me. For the third night, I fell asleep with the girl of my dreams.

xxxxx

The next morning over breakfast, Katniss was quiet. Not unfriendly, but she felt a little distant. I wasn’t sure what could have changed in the night, but the intimacy of braiding her hair, let alone stripping her naked, felt a million miles away. I felt a surge of desperation that she was tired of me already, but forced myself to smile and ask, "A penny for your thoughts."

She glanced up at me as if she had forgotten I was still sitting across from her. "Hmmm... do you remember Leevy?"

Oh fuck, oh fuck, of course I did. I cleared my throat and responded, "Yeah, of course."

"She was my neighbor. She had it bad for you in high school. Everybody knew it, I'm not telling anyone's secrets," she assured me, before continuing, "then something happened and she would get tense every time your name came up. She kind of implied something had happened between you. I've always wondered what." Her gray eyes met mine with strange mix of suspicion and curiosity.

I stared down at the table and let it rush back to me.

*2006*

*****

It was ten years ago, the summer before senior year. Thom and Bristol, a couple of guys in my brother's year were throwing another rager. I came to most of these parties out of boredom and because athletes were expected to, but they weren't really my scene. Most nights, I would have preferred to stay home and sketch my racy imaginings of Katniss rather than drink and smoke myself sick and listen to the same ten songs on repeat. But in order to avoid being called a worthless pussy by my brothers the entire next day, there I was.

I was just kicking Drake Parnell's ass in beer pong when I saw her. As cheesy as it sounds, I swear I could feel her presence, like my body recognized her before I saw her. She never came to these things and my heart swelled with hope that this would be my chance to talk to her. I missed my next shot, giving Drake the opening he needed to start nailing my cups. As I chugged the fourth beer, just to end the game, I looked around frantically for her.

Spotting her entering the kitchen, I pushed my way through the knot of people congregated by the ping pong table and followed the beacon of her trailing braid as I waded through the bodies that were nothing but obstacles between us.

The keg had been set up in the double sink, surrounded by a slush of melting ice. Katniss was with Madge Undersee, who I knew pretty well through our families. Also, my brother had had a thing for her for years and was pretty shameless in his enthusiastic pursuit of getting into her pants. I grabbed a red solo cup, ignoring the jello shot that someone shoved in my face, and forced my way to the front of the line where Katniss and Madge were standing.

I tapped Madge on the shoulder, and she recoiled before recognizing it was me rather than my brother.

"Oh, hey, Peeta," she nodded, blond wisps falling from her ballet bun.

I positioned myself in front of them so I could pour them beers. Jello shots in tiny dixie cups continued to be thrust towards me by disembodied hands, so I swallowed one, just to get them to stop.

"Hey, Madge, good to see you." I tried to concentrate on pouring the beer without filling the cup three-quarters full of foam, but someone had over pumped the damn thing. I poured off several inches of head before daring to glance over at Katniss. "You too, Katniss, I'm surprised to see you here." Realizing too late how unwelcoming that sounded, I added lamely, "Good surprised."

Her hard gray eyes met mine and she didn't smile. Fuck, I was completely blowing this.

She was still whip-thin, but she had lost the painfully frail and terrifyingly vacant look in the last year. In fact she had emerged from the cocoon of desperation that had surrounded her after her father's death like a ferocious and capable butterfly. A butterfly with soft curves and small, round breasts that I longed for desperately. She was drowning in that over-sized leather jacket she always wore. It obscured her shape, but I knew what she was hiding.

But as I handed her the beer and she continued to scowl at me, I felt my optimism evaporate. Of course she wouldn't talk with me. Nothing had changed between us; I was crazy about her and she could care less.

I tried again, “I haven’t seen you and your sister down at the bakery lately.” The music was thumping out Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” for the hundredth time and she was squinting up at me, obviously having trouble hearing me, so I leaned in. A tendril of her hair brushed my lips and I felt my dick swell as I choked out, “Do you have a summer job?”

She stepped away from me, seemingly startled by the closeness, and yelled back, “Several.”

Just then, an incredibly drunk Delly Cartwright, tackled me from behind, throwing her arms around my neck. “Hey, Peet, get me a beer,” she slurred as I kept both of us from tumbling over into the sink. And just like that, Katniss was gone. Frantically I scanned the kitchen and caught sight of her braid as she rounded the corner. Sometimes it felt like I was cursed to spend all eternity searching for her telltale braid as it disappeared down the rabbit hole over and over again.

Forcing my way through the clot of drunk assholes, I spotted her again. She was standing across the pool, the jeweled surface dancing light over her lovely face as she stared down into the water. She was alone and this was my chance. Keeping my eyes glued to her, I made my way around the pool. Then, with a sickening recognition, I watched Gale Hawthorne materialize out of the shadows to stand behind her. He leaned down and whispered something into her ear and her entire face broke into a dazzling smile as she glanced back over her shoulder at him. They sat down on a nearby lounge chair and my chance was gone.

Despondently, I made my way back inside. I couldn’t believe how fucked up I felt. Noticing I was still holding the beer I had ended up with I chugged most of it before realizing I was drunk. I really wanted to just get home. Somehow I found my brother, but he was drunker than I was and pushed me away calling me a pussy when I told him I was heading home. I stumbled backwards, bumping right into Leevy.

She was taller and a bit broader than Katniss, but they shared that distinct Seam look. She had always been nice to me, maybe a little too nice. I guess a part of me had known she’d had a crush on me for years, I’d just never cared much.

“Whoa, there. You ok, Peeta?”

“Sorry, my brother’s an asshole,” I said, turning to go.

She grabbed my arm, “You want to dance?” She pressed herself up against me.

“Nah, I’m actually heading home.”

“So soon?” She slid her body up mine as she stood on tiptoe to say into my ear, “I was hoping we’d get to hang out.”

Despite how crushed I was about Katniss, my dick didn’t seemed to have gotten the memo that we were too sad for this nonsense and I felt my body push back into her. With a devilish smile, she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. I knew I shouldn’t follow her up there, I didn’t know her or really like her, but the beer and the disappointment were shutting down my better judgement. She dragged me into a dark room and immediately began kissing my neck. She couldn’t reach my mouth if I didn’t lean down. She seemed undeterred by the fact that I wasn’t kissing her back and began groping me through my clothes. Feeling my partial erection, she smirked up at me and for a moment, I could imagine she was Katniss. The surge of surprised arousal shot straight to my dick and I gasped, hardening further.

This seemed to be the sign she was looking for, because she snaked down my body, taking my pants with her. I silenced the voice telling me how wrong this was, as she took me into her mouth. I’d never had a blow job before and the feeling of her mouth wrapped around me was as intoxicating as the alcohol. I groaned, pushing further into her mouth.

“Hey there, cowboy, you’ve got to relax and let me do this okay?” She pushed me back into a seated position on the bed sunk down between my legs, taking my dick back into her mouth. Looking down at her bobbing dark hair, I met her silver eyes and a sharp jolt of need shot through me. If I squinted, I could believe it was Katniss kneeling before me making me feel like this. I gripped the edge of the bed and gave into the fantasy.

As the orgasm surged through me, I gasped Katniss’ name. Twice.

When I could breath again, I looked down into Leevy’s devastated face.

“Sorry,” I gasped, the shame descending on me like a thick, airless curtain. What could I say? I was the worst kind of asshole. So I just repeated, “I’m sorry.” I pulled up my pants and staggered down the stairs and out the front door before barfing into the bushes. I threw up twice more on the walk home, the memory of the hurt in Leevy’s eyes as much as the sour beer trying to claw its way out of my stomach.

The sky was starting to lighten as I finally got home. I showered and dressed for my shift at the bakery, feeling like I might actually die. I pulled my sketch books out from under the bed and began systematically ripping the pictures of Katniss out of the book and crumpling them into the waste basket. Flipping open my phone, I arduously texted Elsa Fairbrook, a girl from the year above me who my mother had been pestering me to ask out. My heart sank as I invited her to the movies. Doing what my mother wanted was generally a patently bad idea, but I needed to do something differently. And if I was honest with myself, I deserved the misery.

And so began the years of burying my feelings and dating a parade of beautiful, smart, ambitious women that couldn’t hold a candle to Katniss.

****

As I looked at Katniss across the table, through the fog of years of guilt and self-denial, of never being entirely present with any of my previous girlfriends, with the memory of Leevy’s pain etched into my memory, I couldn’t meet her eyes. I cleared my throat and said, “We drunkenly hooked up at some party in high school.”

“Got it.” She stood up, tossing her crumpled napkin onto her plate. “I’m going to go for a run. I’ll see you around.”

And I watched as her braid disappeared around yet another bend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "After all of the years of unrequited longing for Katniss, of compromising with other people so I wouldn’t be alone, of being so close to her, but never making a move, I needed to not blow this. I couldn’t let her cast me off like this didn’t mean anything. Because it did. My feelings for her meant something. They had to, because they were the very best part of me."
> 
> Peeta and Katniss have a much needed heart to heart. While it isn't exactly what he's hoping for, it rekindles his hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: After an unintentional hiatus, due to a vacation followed by feverish delirium, Holiday is back on track. Thanks to everyone who checked in, you’re wonderful people! And speaking of wonderful people, endless gratitude to beta-extraordinaire @xerxia31. 
> 
> This chapter was submitted for District12Drabbles prompt for "Hope". It's darned near impossible to write Everlark without it being inherently hopeful. Hope is one of the very pillars of their foundation. But it’s hard to look around our world right now and not wish for a little more love, compassion and hope for all. Thank you to the lovely moderators for bringing that sentiment front and center this week.

I spent the morning hanging around the bungalow hoping Katniss would come back. But the longer she stayed absent, the more certain I became that this was irreparably bad. The worst part was that I wasn’t even sure of what she was upset about. I felt anxious and squirmy, but instead of distracting myself with the kids or an activity, I really thought about how I had treated Leevy. I thought about the other women I had half-heartedly dated over the years. 

After all of the years of unrequited longing for Katniss, of compromising with other people so I wouldn’t be alone, of being so close to her, but never making a move, I needed to not blow this. I couldn’t let her cast me off like this didn’t mean anything. Because it did. My feelings for her meant something. They had to, because they were the very best part of me. 

I thought about Katniss and what I knew of her, the characteristics that defined her. Loyalty, fierceness, perseverance, ingenuity. I did my best to imagine how she felt, how inadequate my lame response had been to her question about something that had, apparently, been bugging her for a decade. I held my head in my hands in despair for a few miserable minutes, then I got up and made rice crispy treats. I had learned over the years that the likelihood of an apology being accepted increased markedly with baked goods. Since I didn’t currently have access to an oven, rice crispy treats would have to do.

When my stomach started to grumble and she still hadn’t come back, I headed up to the resort for lunch. I was much better at staving off patheticness in the presence of others. And I refused to give into my anxiety again. I was going to fight for her, dammit! Now she just needed to come back so I could do it. 

After lunch, I was walking down the pathway towards the beach with my sketchbook in hand, when I ran into Finnick, literally bouncing off his sculpted chest.

“Hey, Peeta, what’re you up to?” He flashed his dazzling smile at me.

“Nothing much, just heading down to the beach.” I tried to angle my body away from him, hiding the sketchbook. I’d endured my fair share of heckling over the years from guys about my artistic tendencies and saw no reason to supply him with any ammo. Because despite Finnick’s male-model appearance, he carried himself like a man’s man.

“Great! Then you have a little time for a swim lesson,” he grinned, placing a heavy and directive hand on my back and herding me back towards the resort. How the hell did he even know I needed swim lessons?

Answering me as if I’d spoken out loud, he said, “Kat is hanging with Annie and she mentioned you needed a little practice. And lucky for you, I happen to be a swim instructor.” He raised his eyebrows in a comically suggestive manner and I couldn’t help liking him a little.

We arrived at the pool and he gestured for me to jump in. When I didn’t, he executed a perfect dive into the deep end and began heckling me the second he had emerged from underwater, “Peeeeta, come on in. Unless, of course, you’re chicken, bwack, bwack.”

I chucked my sketchpad onto a lounge chair and slid in just to make him shut up. I was clutching the side as I maneuvered to where I could easily stand. I had learned early on at many a pool party that hanging out in the shallow end was perfectly acceptable as long as you were holding a beer. But standing here without any sort of distraction facing the deep end, I felt utterly vulnerable. 

“Fantastic. Let’s get started.” He proceeded to give me a swim lesson that I’m pretty sure was aimed at six-year-olds and I felt utterly idiotic, except that it really helped. Once I could comfortably keep my face underwater and turn my head to breath without panicking and standing up, Finnick tapped my shoulder and rasped, “We need to get out of here, the cougars are coming.”

I looked up to see several women, likely in the forties, but of somewhat indiscernible age due to the excessive amount of “work” they seem to have had done. Their skin was stretched tight over sculpted cheekbones, their hair dyed brash, unnatural colors, their breasts sitting far too high and perky to be real. They practically oozed wealth and entitlement. 

As we pulled ourselves out of the pool, they descended on us, hollering after Finnick to come back and play with them.

“Sorry, ladies, we’re in the middle of a lesson. Have to run.”

I grabbed my book, careful not to drip on the pages, as Finnick pushed me towards the path.

“Come back and bring your adorable friend with you,” a lady with burgundy hair and predatory grin called out, “we’ll teach you a thing or two.” 

Finnick smiled stiffly and waved as he started to jog. “Hurry,” he rasped through his teeth, “they don’t like to get sweaty.”

By the time we reached the beach, we were both doubled over laughing.

“That was close,” I gasped 

“It’s a good thing you’re quicker on land than you are in the water, I would have had to leave you to the wolves if you’d fallen too far behind.”

“Is it always like that?” I was still chuckling, but something in his demeanor was disconcertingly serious.

“You have no idea. I should get hazard pay for the groping alone!” And we dissolved into nervous giggles like teenaged girls. “But seriously, if it weren’t for Annie, sometimes I think I’d go mad. Going home to her, holding her as the ocean lulls me sleep every night, man, that makes everything worth it.”

I nodded. I could only imagine a life like that with Katniss. Walking through some door to her lovely face, hearing about her day, feeding her dinner with my fingers, making her come on my tongue night after night. I wanted those things so bad my chest ached. I looked down at the sand, suddenly overwhelmed by how fucked up things were.

Finnick seemed to sense what was up with me and threw an arm around my shoulder, angling me to toward the water. 

“Come on, Peet, let’s get you swimming.”

“There’s more?” I had thought our lesson ended when we fled the pool.

“Of course, there’s more,” he shook his head at me, gesturing to the ocean. Well, damn.

Once we were waist deep in the ocean, Finnick explained, “There are obviously no edges in the ocean, so you have to be able to float. Floating on your back is your default position. A guy like you, with all of that upper body strength is going to be tempted to fight the water. Trust me, the ocean will always win. You have to give yourself over to her. Trust her to embrace you and hold you up.” 

“I’m not looking to start a relationship here, I just want to see the rainbow fish.” I elbowed him in the ribs. Despite myself, I had started to really like the guy.

“Well, considering your swimming skills, you may want to do a little praying to our sea goddess, just to get on her good side.”

“And how do you suggest that I do that?”

“Well, on full moons, I eat Annie out while she floats in the ocean. It is my monthly tribute to the goddess of the sea.”

“Seriously? That sounds dangerous… and salty.”

He grinned at me wolfishly, “It’s awesome. And considering the way Katniss stomped in this morning, I think you may have some upcoming penance to do.”

“I would happily go down on her for a month straight if she’d have me,” I sighed. He glanced over at me appraisingly.

“I’m sure you can fix it, man. She’s an amazing woman, well worth the effort. And if you’re not careful, she might shoot you.” Then he slugged me in the shoulder and dove into the water like a bronze merman, surfacing just shy of the wave break.

“C’mon then, landlubber, I’ll show you how to body surf. This is where those guns of yours will come in handy. A few powerful strokes just before the wave crests and you can ride right into shore.”

Twenty minutes later, feeling like I’d been through an oceanic spin cycle and with a bathing suit full of sand to prove it, I had gotten the wave rhythm down and was a passable body surfer. 

Finnick grinned over at me, insisting, “See? There’s hope for you yet.” He sprang up out of the shallows in one fluid movement. “I’ve got to get back up to the resort. I’ve got a lesson at five. See ya tomorrow, right?”

“Tomorrow?” 

“Didn’t Kat tell you? A bunch of us are heading over to Volcano to check out the Kilauea lava flow.” He flashed me his signature grin, flipped his hair off his forehead and started jogging up the hill.

I spent a few minutes sketching the beach as I air-dried, but I was too nervous about talking to Katniss to concentrate. I was desperate to see her, to fix things between us. So, brushing the sand off my ass, I headed down the beach for the bungalow.

I climbed up the deck and took a quick rinse in the outdoor shower before heading inside.

I had expected to find the room empty, but Katniss was standing at the stove. Her back was to me, her braid tucked over one shoulder as she poured something steaming into the bowls sitting on the counter top. My heart clenched painfully at the sight of her. I cautiously hoped that the fact that she was cooking dinner boded well for her being willing to talk. I took a deep breath, gathering my wits before I launched into my apology.

“Can you grab the plates?” she asked without turning around.

“Uh, sure.” I hadn’t realized she knew I was there.

When she heard the surprise in my voice, she glanced over her shoulder to say, “You walk like an elephant. I hope you never need to sneak up on anyone.”

I scratched the back of my neck and went to grab the plates before following her out to our favorite eating spot on the deck stairs. 

“I’m not a chef like you, but I made miso soup with some seaweed Annie and I collected today and some rice and poke. Which is Hawaiian for raw fish in this good sauce Annie showed me how to make. Finnick caught it on our trip to Honu Rock.”

“It looks amazing,” I said honestly. “Thank you.”

She glanced over at me, making eye contact for the first time since she’d stomped out this morning.

“Look,” I said, balancing the plate on my knees, “I owe you an explanation.”

 

“No, you don’t. I wasn’t fair earlier. Just forget about it, okay?” 

“Can I give you one anyway? I’ve been working on it all day…” I grinned at her and she shifted uncomfortably on the step, but gave a small nod. I took this as sufficient agreement and continued, “While I didn’t exactly lie, Leevy and I did drunkenly hook up at a lame party in high school, I didn’t tell you the truth either. At least not all of it. The truth is, I let her give me my first blow job when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t really like her, or know her even.” I rubbed my hand over my face and took a shaky breath steeling myself for the next part. “And I said your name while she was doing it."

"I’m still ashamed of how I behaved, I should been more respectful to both of you. I’m sorry, Katniss.” I peeked up at her from where I had been staring into my soup, but couldn’t read her expression. I waited anxiously for her response.

She still looked ready to bolt, but she shook her head and looked into my eyes. My heart in my throat as I waited for her to speak. 

“I don’t know where to start. I don’t care what happened at some party in high school. I didn’t care then, and I certainly don’t care now,” she said, not unkindly. She tugged on her braid, in a gesture I remembered from our childhoods, and huffed out a breath. “I’m not as good at this heart-to-heart stuff as you are.” 

I desperately wanted to reach for her hand, to smooth my fingers down her braid, just to touch her in any possible way, but I kept still as she continued. “The truth is, I was looking for an excuse to walk away from you. Last night was really intense and it was starting to feel like you were too good to be true. I needed to find something to take you down a notch. I brought up the sketchiest thing about you I could think of and I shoved in in your face. It wasn’t fair.” She sighed and stared out at the ocean before turning back to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

The relief that coursed through me left me breathless. I relaxed for what felt like the first time all day. I hadn’t even needed the rice crispy treats.

She took a bite of fish and rice and mumbled, “Also, I think you can officially stop feeling bad about Leevy. She was sucking Gale’s dick that entire summer, so I think you’re off the hook.”

I chucked. “I guess my apology isn’t really about the blow job part.” She nodded and I held out my hand and asked, “Think we can be friends again?” 

“I suppose,” she answered, shaking it. “Is that what we are, though? Friends?”

“Katniss, I don’t want to make this weird, but we’re whatever you want us to be. I’m just so grateful to get to spend as much time as I possibly can with you.”

She shot me a relieved smile as she took another bite.

Twisting my napkin in my hands, I forced myself to ask the question I’d been dying to talk about, “How about when we get home?” I hoped my voice wasn’t outwardly shaking as my stomach coiled into a knot of anxiety.

She glanced up at me sharply, her eyes hardening as she chewed her thumbnail. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged, hoping to look casual, though it felt like my shoulders stayed up around my ears. “I was just wondering if you might want to keep hanging out when we get back to Twelve?” Hanging out? Fuck, I was already screwing this up. Why could I never seem to say what I meant around this girl? 

She fidgeted uncomfortably, shifting away from me. “Can’t we just be here now. Enjoy this without it having to be something else.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course we can.” Her entire body looked tightly coiled, ready to spring away from me at the slightest provocation. “I’m sorry I brought it up,” I mumbled in defeat.

She squinted up at the setting sun, then pulled a knee into her chest, resting her chin on it as she stared out at the ocean. “I guess I’m just not wired right. I’ve never wanted a relationship. I don’t really see the point. I mean, honestly, do you know a single romantic relationship that has worked? Truly worked out for both people? ‘Cause I don’t. I know a lot of people who have either broken each other’s hearts or are stuck in situations that are comfortable, but boring. Why do that to yourself?”

“Um, pursuit of true love? Companionship? Good sex? Um, how about survival of the species?” I bumped her shoulder with mine.

She ticked off her fingers, “True love is a concept created by Hollywood and Hallmark. Companionship is overrated, I prefer my own company or I have a sister. You don’t need to be in a relationship to have good sex. And, look around, there are way too many kids and most of them are on their own.”

I sputtered, unable to figure out where to start my incredulous rebuttal. How do you sell love? Companionship? Parenthood? How could I explain that choosing love, hope really, was the bravest thing you could do. I knew she understood bravery. Also the risks of love. But how about the rewards? The lifetime of dividends I was dying to pay her in devotion, pastries, orgasms. I didn’t want to argue with her when she had just expressed her opinion, not to mention that I was so relieved that we were in such a better place than this morning.

But it was painfully obvious that she had no intention of falling head-over-heals in love with me. That left me with two options: 1. Give up and just enjoy the time we had together (aka sanity); 2. Dig in and prove to her that Hollywood and Hallmark are, at least occasionally, right. I decided to laugh in the face of reason. I chose Option 2. And as the first step, I was willing to bet the the way to her heart was through her stomach. Either that or her cilt, but either way, I’d have both bases covered. I just needed more time.

At the risk of sounding like a depraved stalker and/or a twelve-year-old girl, the truth was, I honestly believed that Katniss and I were meant to be together. Initially, as a kid, I was just completely fatalistic about it, we were meant to be and I just had to wait for her to come to me. Then in my teenaged years, with the introduction of hormones and good ol’-fashioned lust added to the mix, I figured it was just a biological inevitability. It didn’t make sense that I could want someone that obsessively if we weren’t meant to be, on reproductive level at the very least. Next were the college years and with the physical distance I tried so hard to date other women and just get the hell over her. But after fantasizing about Katniss through every single relationship I’d ever had, it honestly felt like it was out of my hands - the cosmos must want me to feel like this. And now, in my mid-twenties, after half a lifetime of loving her from afar, I had convinced myself it was just a matter of circumstance. If I could just be where she was and figure out how to convince her to get to know me, she would realize how perfect we’d be together. Unfortunately, this was proving to be a little less cut and dry than I’d hoped. But I wasn’t one to give up easily.

She worried the inside of her lip and nodded before saying, “Stop gawking at me. Shut up and eat your soup.”

I laughed and began sipping the hot salty brew. “Delicious!” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe how much it tastes like the sea.” Finnick’s prayer flashed through my mind and I had to adjust my plate to cover my body’s response to the thought.

“So, do you want to go to Volcano with Finnick and Annie and some of their friends tomorrow?” She asked around a bite of rice. And we spent the rest of the evening eating her delicious dinner, watching the sun go down and making plans. It was basically perfect. 

As we cleaned up from dinner and got ready for bed, the atmosphere between us was tentative but it felt like something had solidified between us. As hot as getting her off had been last night, when she laid down next me and placed her head on my shoulder, it felt maybe even more intimate. I wrapped my arm around and her pulled her close, inhaling the scent of her. 

“Did you just sniff me?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“Maybe.” I smiled into her hair. She squinted up at me and I smoothed the slight scowl on her forehead with my fingertips, the way I’d wanted to do a thousand times. I kissed her forehead, and she tilted her face up to meet my kiss. I trailed my lips down her cheek and brushed them across her lips. We made out like teenagers, groping each other over our sleep clothes, swallowing small sighs and moans. And despite my persistent erection, we both seemed content to leave it at that tonight. 

She curled against my chest, her arm thrown carelessly over my stomach as I ran my fingers over her braid. 

“Hey,” I whispered, “did we have our first fight?”

 

“Nah, that wasn’t a real fight,” she responded sleepily.

“No?”

“Nobody yelled. Nobody camped out in the woods for three days.” She yawned. “Nobody bled.”

“Yikes. Let’s never fight.”

“But then there’s the make up sex…” Her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing slowed.

And I drifted off to sleep with the deliriously intoxicating thought of hot, frantic make up sex with Katniss Everdeen. Something that, despite over a decade of fantasizing about every type of sex imaginable with Katniss, had never crossed my mind. The number things there were to discover about this woman were dizzying.

Today had felt important. I was pretty sure we had built some common ground. I said a silent thank you into the night for how far we’d come and and a prayer that I could pull this off in the three days I had left.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss head out on a road trip to see more of the island, enjoy their new friends and get to know each other better. 
> 
> "And I watched Katniss. She gave up trying to braid her hair and just held it in a knot at the nape of her neck as dark tendrils licked at her face. I watched as she laughed at something Finnick said, the wind stealing her words and her laughter. She stared intently at the verdant landscape blurring past, her hand surfing the wind currents just beyond the window’s edge. I longed to touch her, to caress the column of her neck with my thumb, to ghost my lips along the shell of her ear and watch her shiver in response. With a razor-sharp thrill of arousal, I resolved to get her alone and make her come the first second I possibly could."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated E for language, allusions to underage sex, and sexual situations.
> 
> You have not lived until you’ve had @xerxia31 beta your E-rated smut – I laughed so hard, tea came out of my nose. Xerxia, thank you for the beta-magic and thank you to our lovely @district12drabbles (on Tumblr) moderators for another great prompt (Week 10 was a dialogue prompt). 
> 
> I"m appleblossomgirl0305 on Tumblr if you feel like chatting.

I awoke the following morning to Katniss poking me in the side. I groaned and pulled a pillow over my head. Why was she already out of bed? She was fastening the buckles on her old army rucksack.

“Morning, sleepyhead. Finnick and the crew will be leaving in half an hour. I let you sleep as long as I could.”

I had slept like the dead, better than I had in months, years, maybe ever. I felt slightly robbed that I had missed the opportunity to wake up with her, but I felt so well-rested I couldn’t complain.

I threw a few things into my bag and grabbed the rice crispy treats for the road. Katniss led the way down the beach and behind the hotel to a small house tucked on the margin of the resort. Finnick met us out front, packing bags and a cooler into an old Bronco. After greeting us jovially, he called inside for Annie, who emerged from the house like some sort of fairy. She was wearing a long, flowing sea-green dress that matched her eyes, and her long, wavy auburn hair was loose and wild as she drifted, rather than walked, towards the car. When Finnick introduced us and I held out my hand, she responded with a shy smile and reached up to hug me tightly and for longer than was strictly necessary. I looked over to Katniss and she was smirking in a knowing way that made me sure she had been hugged in a similar fashion when Annie met her.

As we began piling into the car, we were joined by Konani and Emma who now looked to be incapable of not touching each other. Konani tore his eyes away from her for the second required to give me a dopey, love-drunk grin before they slid as a single unit into the back seat. Since Finnick was driving and Annie already had her head resting on this shoulder, Katniss gave me a quick unreadable look before climbing into the front seat next to Annie. I was disappointed to be split up from Katniss, like we had been judged and not deemed an actual couple, but I admonished myself for acting like a baby and got into the car.

As we bounced over the rugged terrain to reach the highway, Finnick happily narrated about the surrounding landscape. We merged onto the highway and he spoke animatedly about Volcano National Park, but with all the windows down, even leaning forward and wedging my head in between the seat and window, I was having trouble hearing him. So I sat back and enjoyed the wind whipping my face, and the contrasting colors as the black lava rocks gave way to startling thickets of jungle as we headed south. I saw leaves the size of elephant heads and as long as surfboards, leaves that strained for the sky, others that dripped down, vines that crawled all over both.

And I watched Katniss. She gave up trying to braid her hair and just held it in a knot at the nape of her neck as dark tendrils licked at her face. I watched as she laughed at something Finnick said, the wind stealing her words and her laughter. She stared intently at the verdant landscape blurring past, her hand surfing the wind currents just beyond the window’s edge. I longed to touch her, to caress the column of her neck with my thumb, to ghost my lips along the shell of her ear and watch her shiver in response. With a razor-sharp thrill of arousal, I resolved to get her alone and make her come the first second I possibly could.

I closed my eyes and swallowed, willing my body to relax in an effort not to tent my shorts, sitting as I was within inches of two teenagers. But as I glanced over at Konani’s hand, which had slithered so high up Emma’s thigh that he was toying with the hem of her short-shorts, I decided I was probably being more affected by them than corrupting them. The palpable lust rolling off of them was last thing I needed right now. Or the memory that as much as I had wanted it at the time, my first touches and backseat fumblings weren’t with Katniss. So I sat back and watched the world whirl by, blurring and sharpening the riot of colors with the focus of my eyes as we sped south.

The landscape opened back up into a jagged rock moonscape before transforming into lush rainforest, complete with orchids growing on the side of the road. It was as if some unseen force was dropping set pieces down from the sky: lava rock desert, tropical rain forest, Truffula trees.

After a couple of hours we pulled off in the lushest, mistiest, greenest place imaginable. The Village of Volcano was cool, bordering on chilly, perfection. I felt as though it was the first time I had not been too hot since our plane landed. It was as if the gallons of moisture I had lost through my sweat glands were now being rehydrated as my skin soaked in the humidity like a sponge.

“This is the exact opposite of what I was expecting from a place called ‘Volcano’,” I admitted.

Finnick slid gracefully out of the driver’s seat and chuckled, “Yeah, I thought you’d like this haole-boy.” He reached behind me for a hoodie sweatshirt, which was surprising because despite the mistiness, it was still warm.

“What’s a haole-boy?” I asked, low-key dreading the answer.

“You,” laughed Konani, “you’re basically the textbook definition of a haole.”

Finnick took pity on me by explaining, “A haole is someone of European descent. Basically, it’s Hawaiian for white-boy.”

I couldn’t really refute that logic. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No. Not necessarily a good thing either. But in your case, it’s all right.” Finnick threw a lazy arm around my shoulder and reached for Annie’s hand with his other. “Now let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

We all piled into a large table in the cool little Thai restaurant. I ended up across from Katniss, which was probably a good thing since I didn’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off her if she were seated next to me. As we ate an unbelievably spicy but delicious green papaya salad and panang curry, I caught Katniss’ quicksilver gaze on me several times. Once, she even blushed slightly as she looked away. The next time I caught her eyes, I held it, licking my lips and imagining it was her sweet pussy. And before my very eyes, she shivered.

Something in the glint of her eye, the slight shifting on her chair, made me acutely aware that I wasn’t alone in my frustration. And for the first time, I realized that I could use her innate impatience to my advantage. If she was even a fraction as strung out for me as I was for her, some teasing could be just what the doctor ordered (if the doctor was a fan of dirty talk and flirty innuendo). Because in all honesty, those were my bread and butter.

I leaned back in my chair, lunch entirely forgotten, and stretched my arms above my head, lacing my fingers together and resting them behind my neck. I watched her eyes travel down my arms to my neck, before they raked down my skin-tight Under Armour-clad chest. She bit her bottom lip and my stomach tightened. Sweet lord, she was hot.

As we walked back out to Finnick’s Bronco, I reached for her hand, but instead of lacing our fingers together, I ghosted my fingers over her palm until they pressed against the pulse point in her wrist. She shot me a sharp look, but I could see how dark her eyes were. As she climbed into the front seat of the Bronco, I hovered over her. Reaching across her body, I ran my fingers over her upper thighs as I fastened her seat belt and whispered through clenched teeth into her ear, “I can’t stop thinking about how good you taste. I can’t wait to devour you.”

She closed her eyes and tipped her head back against the seat. The truth had never been so much fun. Knowing that she was anywhere near as turned on as I was heightened everything. Our lush surroundings were bursting with color, positively dripping with moisture.

On the short drive into the National Park, amidst a landscape of ferns as tall as houses and the twisted limbs and red-tufted flowers of ohia trees, Finnick explained that we’d be hiking a solidified, but still steaming Kilauea Iki Crater lava lake. “There’s a lot of elevation, both on the way down and the way back up, but it is like a moonscape on crater floor, not to be missed.” He promised to “take it easy” on us mainlanders and Katniss bristled.

“Not on my account,” she challenged.

“Ah, Miss Katniss, care to make a wager?” he asked, raising his eyebrows comically.

“Anytime, anywhere, Odair.”

“I’ll see you on the other side, Everdeen,” he grinned. “On the count of three. One, two,” and he was off in a sprint.

Katniss growled, but took off after him, not missing a beat. As I watched her lithe form disappearing into the verdant rainforest trail bordered by giant ferns, I couldn’t help admiring how strong and fast and determined she was. Frankly, it was sexy as hell.

At the sound of a muffled giggle, I looked back to see Konani herding Emma off the trail into some dense foliage. I quelled a flare of jealousy that it wasn’t me feeling up my raven-haired girlfriend as I pressed her against a tree.

Annie floated up next to me. I couldn’t believe she was hiking in that dress and a pair of sandals, but she seemed perfectly comfortable as she easily kept pace with me. I turned to her, trying to make friendly conversation, but she held a finger to her lips. I had no idea what to make of being shushed by her, until I started to hear the forest around me. There were birds and small scuttering animals in the brush, and the syncopated rhythm of raindrops on leaves. I could almost hear the greenness. A deep sense of calm settled over me as I stilled my thoughts and just listened.

I glanced over at Annie and she smiled softly, taking my hand. It was strange to be touched by a woman with nothing but kindness and companionship. I couldn’t help remembering the relative unkindness of most of the maternal touches I had endured throughout my life, and the resonating lack of satisfaction in most of my past romantic exploits. The startling contrast between those and how gratifying my fleeting experiences with Katniss had been made my thirst for her more acute.

“Are things better?” Annie asked.

“Than yesterday? Yes, very much. I feel like I should thank you for some part of that.” I glanced over at her sheepishly and she squeezed my hand.

“You’re going to have to tell her, really explain how you feel soon. Katniss doesn’t understand the kind of love you want. So much of her energy goes into denying her need for others. She wants to be an island, but she doesn’t see that islands depend on their sea, their sky, their rain. You could be her sea if she understands that you won’t try to drown her. You won’t, right?”

And suddenly I understood. I could see myself as the ocean surrounding her; my desperation surging up like dangerous tidal waves, my insecurities eroding her shores, my dreams and expectations swirling in patterns that could wash her away. She had every right to be wary of me, I could be dangerous in my desire for her. But if I could control myself, lap gently at her shores and buoy her up, it could work.

I looked around, surprised to see that what had felt like an endless descent had ended in the crater floor. It was a deep bowl with sheer walls and a floor of nothing but stark black lava. But as we started to trudge across the expanse of jagged black rock, a rainbow materialized out of the mist. I met Annie’s gaze and we both broke out in laughter. It was almost too literal a sign of hope and rebirth amongst the ashes.

“So tell me about you and Finnick. You seem so different from each other, but so good together.”

She smiled a secret smile and met my eyes. “He is my love. And I am his.” She said it so matter of factly, it made perfect sense. Her confidence certainty made my heart hurt.

I nodded. I wanted that, and I was willing to work for it. I was willing to relax and listen, even if what Katniss had to say was “not yet.”

Maybe because I had lived in this lonely state of wanting her so badly for so long, it hadn’t really occurred to me that she might need me, too. I viewed her resistance as a hurdle to be cleared, rather than something we could overcome together. This trip had been my opportunity to convince her of my worth, but I needed to let her meet me part way, to want us, too.

I was so lost in my thoughts that before I knew it we had reached the far side of the crater and started the climb back up. The transition back to rainforest was almost immediate as we started ascending from the crater floor. The trail was a continuous series of grueling switchbacks that wound their way upwards. Konani and Emma had caught up to Annie and me, and we all trudged up the steep and muddy path together, too winded to talk much.

As we finally reached the top, we heard Finnick before we saw him. He was gesturing animatedly at Katniss as he said, “Fine, if you want to consider that a win, be my guest. But we both know that I had to tie my shoe. So, whatever.”

They were both flushed and sweaty, but Katniss just rolled her eyes at Finnick as she dropped into a runner’s lunge. I nearly bit down on my fist when faced with a such a display of her flexibility, her clothes stretched tight over her sweet ass.

Annie giggled quietly and threw an arm around Finnick, kissing his cheek. “You’re both Olympian gods.”

“Finally, someone who gets me.” Finnick grinned at her. “And, you my love, should wait until later tonight to pronounce me a god…” He hoisted Annie onto his back and jogged away with her as she laughed. 

I sidled up to Katniss and brushed the sweaty hair from her cheek with my thumb.“Nice work, Everdeen, way to represent District 12.” I felt her shiver, despite the heat rolling off of her body. There was an anticipatory promise in the responsiveness of her body.

It started to rain. I was momentarily transfixed by the drops clinging to her lashes, sparkling in her hair. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I watched a fat raindrop slither tortuously slowly down her neck and beneath the edge of her shirt. I longed to trace the same path with my tongue. Neither of us seemed to be able to tear our eyes from each other. We stood like that, in the warm, tropical rain, until she grabbed my hand and ran for the car. I slipped into the seat behind her.

It was quickly agreed that everyone was starving and we descended on a small bakery-cafe like locusts. We grabbed one of everything, an array of sandwiches, grain salads, and multi-colored malasadas: doughs of pink guava, purple taro, orange mango. We piled back into the Bronco and as the rain pounded against the metal roof, spattered the warm pavement, and we passed small containers and plastic spoons, bites of sugar-dusted pastries.

Katniss was sitting sideways in the front seat, pulling a guava malasada apart with her fingers. “Looks delicious,” I said softly, staring at her mouth and letting every impure thought I had write itself across my face. “Can I have a taste?”

Her silvery eyes stared back into mine until nothing else existed. She lifted a piece up to my mouth, her lips parting to mirror mine as I sucked the sweet bread and her fingers into my mouth. Her breathing picked up as I sucked them, flicking my tongue over the sensitive tips, before letting them slide wetly out of my mouth.

“Mmmmm, thanks,” I rasped, chewing. She lifted her fingers to her mouth and ran them along her lips. Holy fuck. My need to kiss her, to suck patterns into her skin, to lay her back on the hood of this car and bury my face between her legs, thundered through me and I felt my face flush.

We drove towards the Puna coast where we’d be staying the night. The rain slowed to a drizzle as we pulled up at the small, funky commune comprised of a cluster of outbuildings, painted bright colors with corrugated metal roofs. Finnick pointed each of us to our dwellings, hollering over his shoulder that we had fifteen minutes to get our stuff settled before heading to the active Kilauea lava flow.

I grabbed our bags and followed Katniss into our robin’s-egg blue cabin. The second the door closed, she launched herself at me. I staggered back slightly and braced myself against the door. Using the platform of my slightly bent knees, she climbed up my body. I leaned heavily against the door and grabbed her ass, pressing her against my rapidly swelling dick.

And then we were kissing, in the way that I had always fantasized about, a frenzy of hands, lips, tongues. Her hot mouth was sucking on my neck as she pulled my hair, her legs in a vice-like grip around my hips, and I could barely think straight. I groaned, pulling away slightly, knowing that this couldn’t happen right now. But she wasn’t having it, wrapping her legs impossibly tighter around me and licking along my jaw.

A guttural laugh bubbled up in my chest as I leaned my head back against the door. “Uh, Katniss?”

“No,” she growled between open-mouthed kisses, “no more talking. You’ve been teasing me all day.” There was a hint of a whine in her voice.

I chuckled, mission accomplished. “I want nothing more than to lay you naked on that bed and make you come in every way imaginable,” I licked along the shell of her ear as I added, “And I’m a very imaginative guy.” She moaned and bucked against me. “But Finnick only gave us fifteen, make that ten more, minutes before we leave for the lava flow.”

“We can work with ten minutes,” she offered, reaching under my shirt and sliding her hand down the back of my shorts to grab my ass.

I grunted and pressed hard against her before mastering myself and cupping her face to still her kisses. “If you think I’m going to let the first time we have sex be a frenzied rush, you’re insane. I’ve been waiting for years for you, I’m not rushing.”

“We could do it again later,” there was an edge of desperation in her voice and I nearly lost my mind realizing that I was actually, in reality, turning down Katniss Everdeen. This was madness.

I couldn’t disappoint her, but I couldn’t let something so important happen so haphazardly either. I had to take control of this situation. That felt right. I unhooked her legs from my waist and lifted her off me, careful not to let her slide down my body because I was so hard, I was afraid I would injure us both. She let out a mewl of frustration and I realized that we had crossed over the line and past the fun part of teasing. 

Her body was rigid as I set her down and she wrenched away from me. There was no way I was going to let this end this way. I grabbed her arm and I spun her around and pressed her front against the door and breathed into her ear, “Hold on. We’ve got time to make you feel good.” And she did, melting against the door.

Slithering a hand around her front, I slid her shorts and underwear down, following them down her legs with my palms. I carefully extricated one of her boot-clad feet before standing and pressing my chest against her back. She whimpered as I reached both hands around her inner thighs and nudged gently.

“Spread your legs and put your hands flat against the door.” She did as I asked, which was almost as much of a turn-on as the sight of her naked from the waist down, spread open before me. I focused on the practical issues at hand to keep my excitement in check. I figured we had about five minutes. I could work with that.

She gasped as I ran a hand over her mound, parting her lips. I grunted into her ear, “You’re going to have to stay quiet, you don’t want me to have to stop if someone knocks,” and I tapped the fingers of my other hand lightly against her clit. She let out a strangled sound and strained her hips more firmly against my hand.

Sliding my fingers down either side of her swollen clit to her opening, I gathered some of her copious wetness and coated her with it. Murmuring appreciatively, “So fucking wet,” I slid two fingers into her waiting heat. Curling my fingers forward and thrusting them to steadily stimulate her g-spot caused the heel of my hand to grind against her clit. And she ground right back against my hand, panting deliciously.

I heard someone shout something about binoculars and then the crunch of gravel not far off outside. I had a strong feeling that Katniss would not appreciate anyone knowing what we were up to. I slowed my hand and she whimpered, grinding her ass against my ridiculously hard erection. I gritted out, “I can feel you getting close, Katniss, and I want you come hard, but I need to know you can keep quiet.” She nodded frantically and I smiled into her flower-scented hair. “I can’t wait to watch you come for me. You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

I was nearly delirious with arousal as I resumed fucking her with my fingers, concentrating on vibrating my well-lubricated palm over her clit. She started to come almost instantly, rising up onto her toes as her stomach clenched and she uttered a long, drawn-out moan muffled into my bicep. It was so fucking sexy it threatened my sanity.

We were both breathing hard and she was still fluttering around my fingers as she turned and slid down between my legs in one fluid motion. Never breaking eye contact, she settled on her knees before me and unbuttoned my shorts. “Your turn to keep quiet.”

I started to protest that there wasn’t enough time, but my rock hard dick seemed to contradict my objection. As she took the first tentative lick, running her tongue up the underside of my shaft and swirling it around the head, I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth. The fantasy of Katniss going down on me had propelled me to climax in most of my masturbatory experiences. The mere thought of those silver eyes, bobbing dark hair and hot mouth had my balls tingling already. I didn’t think I could handle the physical and visual stimulation without shooting my wad instantaneously. I was already dangerously close to coming as she sucked me into the warm haven of her mouth. I groaned and forced my ass muscles to relax in an effort not to thrust into her mouth. Disengaging with an audible pop, she rasped, “Peeta, open your eyes. I want you to watch me. I want you to see me doing this to you.” I braced my hands against the door and did as she said. Staring down into her shining, silver eyes, my mouth hanging open in unimaginable pleasure, I felt my orgasm barreling down. “Oh, fuck, Katniss, I’m gonna… Oh fuck, I’m coming!” And then I was coming in hot spurts of blissful release.

As I came back into my body, I looked down to see her wiping the come she hadn’t swallowed off of her mouth.

She looked a little shy as she said, “Good?”

I fell to my knees in front of her and kissed her deeply. “Fuck, yeah, that was amazing.”

She grinned at me, giving me one more kiss before springing up and shuffling over to the bed with her shorts and underwear still hanging off of one foot. “Let’s get out there before Finnick comes looking for us.” I was in full agreement. I had a strong feeling Finnick wouldn’t have any problem publicly shaming us.

As I threw on a clean shirt, Katniss lightly ran her hand across my stomach, tickling the fine hairs and causing me to snort out a laugh.

“Ah,” she nodded knowingly and she pulled on a pair of perfectly fitted yoga pants and sat down on the bed to put on her shoes.

I casually reached over and squeezed her thigh just above her knee. She squeaked, doubling over to knock my hand away. Laughing she said, “How the hell did you know my knees are ticklish?”

“I remember Prim doing it to you once when when we were kids. It may have been one of the first times I heard you laugh.”

She looked at me and said teasingly, “Well, don’t ever do it again.”

I held up my hands in mock surrender, but said, grinning, “I make no promises.”

We finished dressing quickly and hurried out to the Bronco. Finnick was standing next to the driver’s door with his arms crossed. “About time,” he muttered, before bellowing, “Nani, hurry the fuck up!” He glanced over at me before saying, “I really don’t want to walk in on them fucking. I think I’m supposed to hassle them about underage sex, but I’d feel like a douche and a hypocrite.” I nodded in sympathy, since when were we in a position to lecture someone about sex?

Finnick added, “I’m glad y’all came out when you did, I wasn’t too excited about catching you fucking either.”

Katniss rolled her eyes and looked a little murderous as she told Finnick to fuck off, but I saw her color rise as she climbed into the backseat. I scrambled in beside her so we wouldn’t be separated this time. I absently placed my hand on her thigh and she batted it away. “Hey! I told you – no touching.”

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her onto my lap as I nuzzled the back of her neck. “Okay, I promise, no tickling.” Then quickly amended under my breath, “Almost none.”

She slid off of my lap, elbowing me in the ribs as she grumbled, “I heard that.” But she laced our fingers together all the same.

Just then, Konani and Emma came stumbling down the pathway, looking flushed and slightly disoriented.

“Jesus,” Finnick muttered under his breath, “young love.”

And then we were off. We arrived at the entrance road to the active lava flow just as the sky was starting to darken. There was a festival atmosphere, with people selling drinks and trinkets out of the trunks of their cars. We were supposed to park and walk the four miles in, but Finnick knew a guy and we drove in. There was only one road, surrounded on all sides by overlapping sheets of stark black lava rock. It reminded me of melted wax that someone had pushed with their finger, wrinkling and creasing the smooth surface. It was desolate and beautiful.

As we bumped along the rocky road, folks called out to Finnick. Most waved and offered him swigs of the beers, but a few jumped onto the slowly moving vehicle. As we took on additional passengers, Katniss gestured to my lap. “Is this seat taken?” she asked, a smile toying at the edges of her gorgeous mouth.

I rolled my eyes and moaned, “No. Not you. Anyone but you.” She smirked at me before hopping onto my lap with considerably more force than was necessary. Chuckling into her shoulder, I slung my arm around her, pulling her slight but solid body against my chest. Her hair was blowing everywhere, so I twirled a handful between my fingers, fulfilling one of my wildest dreams. Driving through this empty, wild landscape as the stars came out with new friends and Katniss perched on my lap, it was one of the most expansive moments of my life.

Once we got to the end of the road, Finnick pulled off and everyone piled out. Finnick handed me a sack of wood as he and a friend hoisted the cooler out of the back. Annie gave Katniss a flashlight before grabbing her hand and leading her out onto the rock slabs. Finnick’s buddy passed out beers as we set up a makeshift camp and wandered together out onto the black expanse. Once all of the flashlights were turned off, I could make out a soft orange glow in the distance. Finnick explained that we were too far away to see the actual lava, but that the glow was a recent flow. It was hard to convince myself that the glow was not some distant city, but molten rock bubbling out of the earth. But as I watched, a small red flare shot up and everyone cheered. Finnick clapped me on the back and explained that that had been a flare up from a crack in the cooling lava flow. I couldn’t believe I was witnessing such an amazing thing. This trip had been so full of magical experiences, I felt like I’d be sorting through them for years.

It had cooled down significantly when we wandered back. Katniss dropped down next to Finnick and helped him start a fire. I cracked a second beer and stepped back a few yards to stare up into the sky. I had never seen so many stars and I felt small and awed beneath them. I was so fucking happy.

As I walked back over to the group, I watched Katniss finger combing the tangles from her hair, shadows of the flames dancing across her face as she stared into the fire. She was heart-stoppingly beautiful and I didn’t realize I was actually rubbing my chest until Konani sidled up beside me.

He patted me on the back sympathetically before stating solemnly, “We are lucky fuckers.” And I barked out a laugh, because, honestly, I couldn’t have said it better myself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! So this chapter corresponded to the d12drabbles prompt "Eavesdropping". I'm posting the chapter in two parts (Chapter 8 and 8.5) because I was desperate not to miss this prompt deadline (it’s genius), but an unexpected visit by my wonderful in-laws kept me from finishing the chapter in time (darn them for wanting to drink wine and visit in the evenings!).
> 
> Evolving and endless gratitude to @xerxia31. Not only does she submit her amazing stories, she helps so many of us with ours! And nice work on the prompts, d12d ladies!

Finnick suggested that we take the flashlights and walk down to his friend Joe’s house. Scratching his chin he said, “Don’t go wandering off, okay? People around here take private property pretty seriously.”

Once we left the road, there was no clear path through the landscape, moonlight making the textured surface of the rocks undulate before them. The darkness, coupled with the heat still emanating from the slabs of black rock, was disorienting. 

Katniss was focused on the treacherous terrain and didn't seem to realize that as she scampered over the rocks like a goddamn gazelle, she was humming under her breath. I had caught her humming or singing quietly to herself a few times over the years, mainly while she was doing repetitive tasks that require precision, such as refilling all of the salt shakers at the bar. The soft, lilting sound of her voice never ceased to captivate me, just another amazing thing about her.

Trying to stay on my feet while hobbling over the uneven rocks while half my attention was diverted in an attempt to figure out what tune Katniss was humming was making it difficult to focus on my surroundings.

I heard the click before I saw the gun. Katniss had apparently heard it first because she pushed me behind her and was standing between me and this small, short-haired, shotgun-wielding woman. I was both slightly offended and unbelievably touched by her protectiveness. I stepped out from behind Katniss with my hands held out placatingly and gave the gun-toting woman my best disarming grin, "Hold your fire, we're with Finnick." These seemed like important credentials.

Annie slipped out of the shadows and walked past us, past the barrel of the shotgun and kissed this crazy-lady right on the cheek.

“Jesus Jo, are firearms really necessary?” Finnick asked, emerging from the darkness.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” her voice sounded ragged from disuse. 

“You don’t have a phone! What were you expecting, smoke signals?” He held open his arms. “Now put that gun down so I can hug you properly.” With one lingering suspicious glance back at us, she lowered the gun and let Finnick throw his arms around her. 

“These are my friends Katniss and Peeta. They’re from the mainland. Guys, this is Johanna.” Katniss was still bristling beside me as Johanna looked us over. Turning abruptly, Finnick’s arm still slung around her shoulder, Johanna asked, “Where’s Annie off to?”

“I think she fancied a swim.” And they set off towards the dark sea. 

I reached for Katniss’ hand, she looked startled to see me there, but visibly relaxed as she squeezed my hand. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“I think she was just being cautious,” I said, shrugging. I adored and feared prickly Katniss in equal measure. 

“Makes you wonder what she needs to be so protective of.”

“Maybe,” I brought her hand up to my lips, kissing each of her knuckles, “it’s a really good beach.”

I could just make out her eye roll in the dim light.

The broad slabs of rock tapered off into smaller jagged pebbles and then, after a short steep descent, into black sand. The sea was gently lapping against the narrow band of beach and the water looked solid under the flat glow of the moonlight. 

Annie and Finnick were already in the water as Johanna sauntered over and planted herself in front of us. Then she began to undress. Katniss stared determinedly over her shoulder and out to sea, I had trouble figuring out where to look as Johanna stood stark naked in front of us. 

As Johanna walked into the water she shot Katniss a challenging look before taking a few running steps and diving under. 

“What the fuck,” Katniss muttered under her breath. 

“Do you wanna go in?” I asked, toying with the hem of my shirt.

“Skinny dipping?” she asked defensively.

“Whatever you want. I’d rather be naked than hike back in wet shorts, but I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Do what you want,” she shrugged, and with one last scowl out at where Johanna had disappeared under water, she stripped down to her boy shorts and bra and began walking into the water. I kept on my boxers in solidarity.

I took small shuffling steps into the gentle surf, letting my feet search out potential dangers. It was thrilling and terrifying in equal measure to enter the dark sea. The coolness of the water, the sheer vastness of the unknown stretching out to the horizon. By the time I was waist deep, I felt suspended between the sea and sky and stopped, reeling slightly from dizziness. 

And then Katniss was there, her warm hand wrapping around my arm. “Sorry, I forgot you were new to this swimming thing. You okay?”

I felt a rush of possessiveness as I pulled her against my body. “I’m…” But what was I? Deliriously happy, utterly terrified, cripplingly infatuated? Every one of the emotions that were roiling within me threatened to overwhelm me. So instead of answering, I pressed my lips to hers, my searching fingers unraveled her braid.

For a moment I thought she was going to pull away, but then I was wrapped in her arms and the fear of floating into the cosmos vanished as I basked in her solidity. My hands traced her shoulders, running up her neck to cup her face. She moaned quietly against my lips and the sound ricocheted through me, leaving throbbing desire in its wake. 

I heard the approaching splashing before the spray of water hit us. I reluctantly broke away from Katniss to find Johanna and Finnick, with Annie clinging to his back, poised to splash us again. 

“Time to go, love birds,” Johanna singsonged, a mocking tone to her voice. She took in our semi-clothed stated and shook her head. 

Back on shore as we dressed, I hated even the few feet of distance between us. The need to touch her was almost overwhelming and I chuckled at myself at how pathetic my need for her was. I didn’t know how it would be possible to go back to a life of not being allowed to kiss her. I banished the thought, but it cast a strange spell of longing over me.

The walk back seemed to take twice as long as it had on the way there. By the time we had collected Konani and Emma from the campfire and gathered up our things, it was well past midnight. Johanna materialized, thankfully without her gun, as we were climbing into the car and all of the ladies crammed into the backseat to accommodate the extra body.

The drive back to the cabins was short, but I felt the exhaustion of the day of travel and hiking pressing down around me, pushing me towards sleep. I fought to stay awake, not knowing what Katniss might want when we got back. But as we parked I glanced back to find her gray eyes at half mast, looking as tired as I felt. 

We brushed our teeth and traded damp clothes for pajamas in a sleepy trance. 

She collapsed into bed and mumbled, “Too tired.”

Yawning, I rasped out, “Me too. Tomorrow...tomorrow I’ll rock your world.”

"Sounds good," she mumbled, nodding into my neck, where she snuggled into me, her breathing already deepening. 

I wasn’t even sure what had woken me, a noise or movement, but I was rigid with fear and could feel the adrenaline surging through me as I reached for Katniss. 

She was shaking like a leaf, her eyes so wide I could see the entirety of her silvery iris in the moonlight. She seemed entranced by the nightmare still playing in her mind. Murmuring softly that it was okay, that she was okay, I ran my fingertips over her face. She closed her eyes tight, shaking her head as she whimpered plaintively. Then I did what I've always known my arms were made for, I wrapped them tightly around her. For one terrifying second, she went rigid, before relaxing against my chest with a shuddering sigh. Stroking her hair, I promised she was safe, that all she needed to do was breathe. She nodded into my neck, her breathing slowing. She slid down until her head was resting on my chest.

I started to sit up, offering to get her some water. 

“No, just stay. Please?” Her voice sounded so small, it hurt my heart. I longed to tell her how much I loved her, but knew it wasn't allowed. Not yet. It wasn't what she wanted or needed right now, and my job was to comfort her, not force my feelings on her. 

“Yeah.” I breathed, wrapping my arms back around her.

Worried about smothering her, literally and figuratively, I rolled onto my back. She clung to me, ending up with her slight body sprawled over mine, her head still resting solidly against my chest. I felt her breaths even out as she surrendered to sleep, her hand resting directly over my heart. Which was fitting since she held the key to my happiness in her hands. 

The rain started up again, and I was lulled to sleep by the steady thrum of drops on the roof, blanketed in the warmth of the girl I loved. If only she felt the same way, nothing else would matter.

I awoke the next morning to Katniss’ side of the bed cold and empty. Man, she was a ninja! I dressed quickly and headed out to find her. 

After poking around at the various small outbuildings that clustered around the property, I heard female voices coming from what I quickly ascertained to be the kitchen. There was a small pile of shoes just outside the door, and I was kneeling down to unlace my tennis shoes when I recognized Johanna’s voice as she asked, “So where’s your boyfriend? I hear he can cook.”

Katniss’ response was immediate, “He’s not my boyfriend. But I think he’s still asleep.” 

“Not your boyfriend, huh?” Why did everything Johanna said sound like a taunt? “So you wouldn’t mind if I had a go?”

“Be my guest,” Katniss’ voice was tense but there was no hesitation in her answer.

I sucked in a breath, feeling like she’d just punched in me the gut. Actually, I would have taken the punch over this feeling any day. Fuck, this wasn’t news. She had told me basically the same thing two days ago. She doesn’t want a relationship. At least not one with me. I forced myself to move. It didn’t matter where as long as I wasn’t standing there looking like I might burst into tears when she came out. Because, even though this wasn’t a surprise, fuck, it hurt. I had deluded myself into thinking we were making progress, that we were moving towards something together, that I was winning her over. But even as those thoughts formed in my mind, I realized how ridiculous they were. I was stupid, worthless, unwanted. 

I ran. Away from the cabins, away from Katniss’ words that lodged like splintered shards in my heart.

I ran until my legs were burning, my lungs gasping for air. I ran until the road ended in sand and the sand ended in sea.


	9. 8.5 (second half of Chapter 8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the continuation of Chapter 8 (basically the second half of the chapter). Sorry I left our guy in such a sad place last week, hope this makes up for it a bit.
> 
> @Xerxia31, beta extraordinaire, read through this while on vacation. She is the very best one.
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you'd like to chat on Tumblr, I'm appleblossomgirl0305.

I collapsed into the sand, crushing my fists into my eyes until I saw spots. I took several deep breaths, counting to five on my inhale and another five on my exhale. As my heart rate slowed, I could feel my panic recede, leaving a thick residue of misery.

What had I done wrong? I wracked my brain for any indication of where I had screwed up. Carefully, I sifted through my recollection of the past two days, but I couldn’t find anything obvious. Everything had seemed perfect last night. It was time to face the fact that probably nothing had happened. She just didn’t want me.

I had to get it though my thick, stubborn skull that she didn’t want the same thing I did. As wrong as that felt to me, as sure I was that we belonged together, I couldn’t make this happen on my own. I had given this my best shot and if she didn’t want to be with me, it was time to sober up and let it go. She wasn’t mine. 

This was far from the first disappointment I had experienced in my life, I had to know by now that despite how I felt this moment, it wouldn’t actually kill me. I picked myself up and dusted the sand off my ass. I walked back quickly, not wanting to hold anyone else up since I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving.

When I reached the cabin, I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath before shoving through the door. I shook my head to dispel the memory that this was the same door she had been pushed up against as she pulsed around my fingers just a few hours before. 

Katniss was kneeling next to the bed, packing into her knapsack. “Hey, there you are.” She crossed the room to me, and without hesitation ran her hand down my sweat-soaked chest. “How was your run?” She looked up at me through her lashes and with what I swear appeared to be a hopeful look on her beautiful face.

The breath rushed out of me as I steeled myself not to break down and beg her to have me. I gritted my teeth and stepped away, grabbing my towel. 

“It was good. I need a shower.” My voice sounded tight and clipped even to my ears. 

She took a small, uncertain step towards me, but not enough to bridge the space between us. “Do you want company?” She cocked her head trying to catch my eyes. 

“I’m good, just gonna rinse the sweat off. Are we leaving soon?” She nodded and stood there watching me warily as I headed into the bathroom. I leaned against the door as I closed it. Fuck, this was hard. Every fiber of my being fought against any sort of distance between us. Why was I so fucking pathetic? I ran Katniss’ conversation with Johanna over in my head and stepped under the spray. 

Since she clearly didn’t want me as a boyfriend, I was baffled by her physical interest. If she just wanted to have a good time, I had to decide if I could do that, knowing any fling between us had an expiration date. Who was I kidding, I’d give her whatever she wanted. Whatever I had, was hers for the taking. But that didn’t mean that I shouldn’t start to prepare myself, to protect my heart.

I needed to reframe this in my mind, not as my chance to win her over, but as a fun vacation with the most amazing girl on earth. My heart protested, but I tried to swallow down my disappointment and accept it. I had spent all of my previous relationships pretending I wasn’t in love with Katniss Everdeen, I would just have to extend that approach to my relationship with her. At least for the next two days.

When I walked out, Katniss was gone. I got dressed and gathered up my stuff quickly, heading out to the car. Everyone was milling around and Finnick called out that it was time to go as he saw me walk up. Konani and Emma made some excuse about being too tired to go, but they were practically skipping as they fled back down the path.

Katniss climbed into the backseat and looked over at me expectantly. I swallowed hard, but climbed into the front seat, asking Finnick what was on the agenda for today. He told me it was a surprise and, in no mood for playful banter, I nodded and stared out the window. I felt something land in my lap and looked down to find a banana. I glanced back at Katniss, who had obviously thrown it at me and she mumbled that it was for me since I’d missed breakfast. 

“Thanks,” I responded, realizing that I was really hungry. She was already scowling out the window as Johanna climbed in next to her telling her to “scoot over already!”

We drove for about ten minutes down a red cinder rock road towards the ocean. When we came to a gated community, Finnick parked just outside and started unloading and divvying up our gear. I ended up carrying a big canvas bag of towels.

We strolled through the quaint residential neighborhood that seemed oddly comparable to my suburban neighborhood back in Twelve, except there were coconut palms rather than apple trees in the yards. I couldn’t help but imagine my life here. Could I open a bakery in town? Everyone liked baked goods, right? A quick succession of images flashed before my eyes, icing plumerias, mixing paint pallet to capture the technicolor sunsets, tossing a beer to Finnick as Katniss and Annie laughed nearby, Katniss, barefoot in a bikini top and sarong, two small dark heads toddling behind her. My heart clenched and I squeezed my eyes shut tight against the unbearable longing these images conjured. And the sharp pain that this wasn’t what she wanted. Torturing myself with the delusion that it could be real was masochistic. I had to stop.

I made sure to walk at a distance with people as a buffer between Katniss and I. Noticing her glancing back at me every few minutes wasn’t helping my resolve to keep focused on the excursion with a group of friends. I felt like one of her moons, in an endless orbit around her.

Soon the residential street dead-ended into rock, where a patchwork of tidepools created a several hundred foot transition zone to the open sea. The tidepools were nothing like the ones along the coast back home; while some of these pools were too small and shallow to swim in, others were over a hundred feet wide and twenty-five feet deep. But the protective reef isolated them from the surf, making them crystal clear. I just stood there dumbfounded at the array of pastel-colored corals formed as large, flat pads blanketing the rocks or mushrooming up like pink and purple cauliflowers, smooth and jagged at the same time. 

And as my eyes focused in I saw the fish. Some darting purposefully along the margins of the pool, others swimming languidly through the water column. And the colors. My god, the colors. “Rainbow fish” didn’t even begin to do them justice. 

I was so focused on identifying all of the visible hues in one of the smaller, less flashy fish by my foot that Finnick startled me when he shoved a mask and snorkel into my hands.

“May I present to you the Kapoho tide pools, specially selected for our swimming challenged friend. The protective reef keeps this area from any extreme tidal action. You can take your newly acquired floating skills and put them to good use.” 

“Finnick, this is absolutely amazing! I don’t know how to thank you.” I clapped him on the back in gratitude. I was nearly overwhelmed by my excitement to experience snorkeling. Annie helped me to put the mask on properly so it wouldn’t leak and I practiced breathing through the snorkel for a minute before I slowly made my way to the edge of the pool and climbed in. Despite my best efforts to be careful of the corals, I managed to scrape my hands up as I slid into the water. 

And as amazing as the underwater landscape had seemed while peering in from above, once I lowered my mask beneath the surface and became immersed in the world of the pool, I couldn’t figure out where to look first. Whether to dart my eyes after each and every unbelievably beautiful creature or focus in on one and study every intricate detail of it’s beauty. As I floated there awestruck, I felt Katniss slip her small hand into mine.

When I looked over at her, she was smiling around her snorkel looking goofily pleased at my utter amazement. I smiled back, breaking the seal on my snorkel, letting salty water trickle in, before I remembered. I wanted to cry from the loss of getting to share this experience with her as my girlfriend. I forced myself to refocus on this moment, one breath at a time, and not on the loneliness, as I squeezed her hand and made myself let go.

I don’t know how long I floated there, completely lost in the kaleidoscope of colors, alternately mesmerized by the iridescent scales of a single fish or the dreamy synchronization of a school of unadulterated silver. Each time my mind tried to compare it to a fierce flash of Katniss’ eyes, I pulled myself back. Not mine. Not mine.

I went into sort of a trance, hovering above the placid pool, one foot in our world, one foot in the luminous sea, watching the play of the glittering light against darkness of the shadows. I had no idea how long I drifted in that glorious limbo before Finnick was poking me in the shoulder and hollering, “Lunch.”

I felt dazed as I crawled out of the water. And despite the heat of the sun, I started to shiver. 

Johanna was behind me, towel in hand. She held up a plastic tube and drawled, “You need a touch up, gorgeous.” She slipped her slight body behind mine and began lathering me with sunscreen.

Damn, this was so freaking awkward.

“Loosen up, blondie, promise I don’t bite,” she teased, shaking my shoulders exaggeratedly to emphasize how tense I was. 

“Sorry, still just a little cold,” I offered apologetically, hoping it was an adequate explanation.

“No kidding, you feel like a dead fish.” Seduction was obviously not her forte, but I chuckled despite my discomfort.

“So what’s wrong with you?” she asked casually. I had no idea how to answer.

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

“Bullshit. You and brainless couldn’t keep your hands off each other last night. Hell, I even had a gun pointed at your chest and you hardly glanced at me. Now you’re acting like she strangled your favorite dog with her bare hands.” 

“Jesus, Jo,” I laughed, but sobered quickly because it hurt so much. “She doesn’t want me, you know that.”

“Oh please, she doesn’t know what she wants. But the fact that she can’t stop looking over here, like I’m in the midst of strangling her puppy -”

“Enough with the puppy killing!” I exclaimed, shaking her shoulder.

“She’s just so fun to fuck with, I can’t seem to help myself,” she confided, shrugging. “None of my sisters are around, so…”

“You’re both obviously older sisters. It’s like watching a cage match between you two, duking it out for supremacy.” I realized the truth of the statement as it fell out of my mouth. I had two older brothers who’d dominated me all my life, but Katniss and Johanna were obviously cast in the oldest sibling mold. 

“Please,” she sputtered, “I’m clearly the alpha.” I couldn’t help cracking up and realized I felt marginally better. 

“Whatever, you’re both too pathetic to be any fun to play with.” She stood up and rubbed the remaining sunscreen into her arms. “Just go talk to her, would ya? I can’t believe I prefer you all moony-eyed over just plain sad, but apparently, I do.”

I looked over at Katniss in time to see her glance away and scoop up a nearby bag, before stomping off towards the road. Well, regardless of what she’d said, Johanna had absolutely no interest in me. So why had she talked to Katniss about me. Unless she had just been messing with Katniss to get a rise out of her, which now seemed overwhelmingly likely. But that didn’t change the fact that Katniss had said in no uncertain terms that we weren’t together. But suddenly, that seemed less cut and dry than it had this morning too. Fuck.

I jumped up and turned to jog after her, but caught my flipflop on a jagged rock and lurched forward, spilling onto my knee on the sharp rocks.

I inhaled sharply, the pain searing up my thigh. And Katniss was there, at my side, murmuring softly for me to sit back and breathe. 

She was gently cradling my leg, and despite the pain, I couldn’t look away from her beautiful face, contorted in worry for me. I would sacrifice a limb to keep her looking at me like that. She splashed some water on my leg and I hissed at the sting of the salt in the cut. 

“Stay still,” she commanded, looking focused but slightly queasy as she pulled a broken shard of rock out of my leg. She sat down next to me, pulling off her tank top and wrapping it around my knee. “Even though my mother’s a nurse, I really hate blood,” she said sheepishly.

“Thanks.” I looked over at her, desperately wanting things to be better between us. 

Finnick popped up above me, watching the blood seep through the fabric of Katniss’ shirt. ‘Damn, Peet, can’t take you anywhere.” He patted my shoulder. “I’ll go sweet talk someone into letting us drive down here to pick you up. Kat, can you get him up to the road?”

She nodded and slipped my arm over her shoulders, helping me to stand while keeping most of the weight off my injured leg. We started limping towards the road as a single unit and I felt something inside me unknot to be touching her again. 

“Peeta, what’s going on?” she asked so quietly I barely heard her. “What happened?” She swallowed hard before asking, “Was it how I acted after the nightmare?”

As ridiculous as I felt to admit I’d eavesdropped this morning, I couldn’t let her think that for even a second. “No, I loved being there for you last night.” I look a deep breath and looked down at my feet, which were still taking hobbling steps as I leaned heavily on her small frame. “I heard you and Johanna talking this morning.” She looked up at me, confusion written all over her face. “In the kitchen.” I added.

She seemed to be mentally replaying the conversation and coming up blank. “What, the part where she called me brainless or a dumbass?” she scowled.

“The part where you told her I wasn’t your boyfriend and she was welcome to have a go.” It was mortifying repeating it, but there had been enough confusion.

The color rose in her cheeks immediately and a look of anger flashed in her eyes, before draining away into defeat. “Oh Peeta, that didn’t really have anything to do with you.”

“Yeah, weirdly, I kind of get that now. But it really hurt at the time.” I squinted one eye to peer down at her. 

“Is that why you were letting her rub her hands all over you? Are you into that? To Jo?”

She couldn’t be serious. I said softly, “You know I’m not.”

She stopped abruptly and looked straight into my eyes. I felt rooted to the spot. “So can we both stop acting wounded now?” I nodded, so relieved that I wanted to melt into a puddle on the rocks.

Finnick pulled up and Katniss opened the door and climbed in, scooting to make room for me beside her. But I didn’t take my arm from around her shoulder, requiring her to reach around me to fasten my seat belt. When she glanced back up at me I caught her chin gently between my finger and thumb and brushed my lips against hers. It was akin to taking our temperature, seeing if such a thing were allowed. I felt her lips curve into a small smile beneath mine before she pulled away to nestle her head into my shoulder. I took my first full breath all day.

“You two disgust me.” Johanna sighed. I couldn’t help bouncing Katniss’ lovely head against my shoulder as I laughed quietly into her hair.


	10. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovebirds are back on track: "The realization that I was going to love anything and everything that I experienced with Katniss’ hand wrapped in mine rushed over me. It felt as though all of the color had flooded back into the world and my heart was nearly exploding with happiness to be back on this adventure with her by my side. This was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to get this chapter posted to the "Dreams" prompt for d12drabbles (there was hiking involved), but I found out the hard way that there is "no service" in the forest (and Katniss thought she had it hard...). After a four-day camping trip on the glorious Yuba River, here is the "better late than never" Chapter 9. 
> 
> Continued and endless gratitude to @xerxia31 for pre-reading and making this whole writing process infinitely more fun. 
> 
> Rated E for smut (yes, finally).

We headed into Hilo for lunch. Hilo was a sprawling a city that felt like a series of neighborhoods, beautiful, slightly shabby historic buildings interspersed with Starbucks and supermarkets. Despite it being the most populated city on the island, it had somehow maintained a small town feel. It was charming and I was dying to explore. I mentally noted numerous art galleries and museums as they blurred past, but my growling stomach agreed with Finnick that food was the first priority. 

Despite my throbbing knee, the realization that I was going to love anything and everything that I experienced with Katniss’ hand wrapped in mine rushed over me. It felt as though all of the color had flooded back into the world and my heart was nearly exploding with happiness to be back on this adventure with her by my side. This was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. 

We ate at this incredible Hawaiian diner. At first glance, it looked like a Denny’s, with vinyl booths and formica table tops. But the food looked delectable. The pancakes came with five kinds of syrup including guava, liliquoi, and coconut alongside maple and berry and almost everything came with rice. I was so grateful to see the giant plate piled high with scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes, set before me, I almost cried.

Johanna and Finnick were hilarious together and their tag-team storytelling had us all howling with laughter through the entire meal. Something had relaxed between Johanna and Katniss, and while there was still a lot of snippy banter, it wasn’t barbed. 

As our plates were cleared, everyone was slouched against the booth, completely stuffed. 

“We need to move before we drive home,” Finnick asserted. “Akaka Falls, my love?” he asked Annie, pressing his lips to her bird-like wrist. She nodded enthusiastically before leaning in to give him kiss. “It’s one of her favorites places,” he told us, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into his side. My heart clenched as I wondered if there would ever be a time when Katniss was mine like Annie was his.

Katniss was rubbing her belly, looking dazed by her fullness. Still chuckling at something Johanna had just said, I reached beneath the table and ran my fingers up the inside of her leg, slipping my thumb just under the hem of her shorts. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her startle then push back hard against the seat as she slowly licked her lips, her cheeks flushing pink. Yeah, I was looking forward to getting her home to our little bungalow on the beach.

After a quick pit stop at a drugstore for medical supplies to clean and bandage my knee, we were headed north again. Back on track in so many ways. The drive to Akaka falls was a slice of the island unlike any we’d seen before. There was water everywhere. Streams gushing down the steep hillsides, joining into rivers that flowed directly into the ocean. The lushness of the vegetation was unreal, more shades of green than there were names to describe them. An absolute riot of growth. 

Turning off of the highway, we headed uphill, away from the sea. Passing through the tiny town of Honomu, I spotted a bakery. In response to me pointing wildly, Finnick promised we’d stop on the way back down.

Pulling into the parking lot for Akaka Falls, I was nearly giddy with excitement. I kept squeezing and turning Katniss’ hand over in mine. She jokingly tried to shove my hand under her leg to still it, but I, predictably, nearly laid her down on the seat and ravished her right then and there. Which I was pretty sure Johanna wouldn't appreciate, considering she was already rolling her eyes at me.

I could hear the gushing of a waterfall as soon as we stepped out of the car. There was so much moisture and humidity that the stone walls were literally growing; mosses, ferns and small plants emerging from the cracks between rocks. 

We headed down a long stone stairway and wound our way through the vines and banyan trees. When we finally got to the look out, we all lined up against the railing and gawked at where Akaka Falls plunged 425 feet into the misty world below. 

Katniss wrapped her small arm around my waist and held out her phone out, snapping a picture of us. I was so startled, I didn’t take a follow up shot on my own phone. She quickly typed something out on the screen, before stuffing it into her back pocket. “For Prim,” she offered quietly. I made her promise that she’d text it to me too. I loved that a picture like that of us existed. I loved even more that she had taken it and shared it with Prim. 

She looked slightly embarrassed , but I was boiling over with gratitude, excitement and hope. I rested my forehead against hers, kissed her nose, and in an attempt to diffuse her tension said, “Race you back.” And she was off like a shot. Despite my injured leg slowing me down, I decided I would happily be outpaced by Katniss for the rest of my life. Watching her legs and ass tense and flex as she ran up the hill in front of me, was worth every bit of pain.

Sweaty and damp with waterfall mist, exhausted and manically happy, I collapsed against the car next to Katniss. 

“What took you so long?” she smirked over at me. I reached down casually and squeezed the ticklish spot above her knee.

Lightning fast, she had grabbed my hand and twisted it back, using her slight body to sandwich me between her and the car door. 

“Hey, you promised.” She released my hand, but didn't pull away.

“Did I?” I licked my lips, unable to take my eyes off her mouth. She nodded, never breaking eye contact. Sighing, I gave into the overwhelming urge to kiss her. She melted into the kiss, then quickly pulled away, yanking on the door handle by my ass. She dove into the backseat, pulling me in behind her. We proceeded to make out like teenagers at a drive in, palming and pawing at each other over our clothes until Johanna pounded on the slightly fogged up window.

“We've got a beast with two backs situation here,” Johanna shouted to Finnick and Annie over her shoulder.

Katniss answered with a scowl and her middle finger. I snorted and nuzzled into her neck as I arranged myself carefully and settled in beside her, making room for Johanna.

As promised, on the way back down we stopped at Mr. Ed’s Bakery, a tiny quaint operation with creaky wood floors, a full floor to ceiling shelf of exotic, tropical preserves and a glass-front case full of eight kinds of turnovers. I chatted with Mr. Ed himself about the trial and error involved in baking with tropical fruit, the alterations needed to adapt old Scandinavian family recipes. He insisted that he enjoyed the challenge.

“Like everything, really, running a bakery is really just about who you choose to do it with.” He raised his wild gray eyebrows and gestured subtly towards Katniss, who was buying some jam from Mrs. Ed.

And for a moment, my heart broke for my dad and the misery my mom had cultivated through all of our lives. But to have tied his life, his family and his livelihood to such an unhappy and mean-spirited person. I strengthened my resolve not to settle, to keep striving for the life I wanted. And the person I wanted to spend it with.

With a bag full of turnovers and some gifts for home, we headed back to the resort. Finnick informed us that we were taking the Saddle Road home. This route ran across the island in the saddle between the volcanos. The landscape was monotonous black lava rock, and that, coupled with the little sleep I’d had last night, was making it difficult to keep my eyes open. I could feel the drowsiness creeping over me like a thick fog.

“Peeta?” Katniss’ voice was soft as were her hands running over my face, pushing the sweat-soaked hair off my forehead. “We’re home,” my heart lurched almost painfully to hear these words from her mouth.

I squeezed my eyes closed and wrapped my arms tightly around her, pressing her against my rapidly beating heart. I was angry at myself for falling asleep and squandering even an hour of the time we had left here together.

She seemed to understand instinctively and let me hold her for a few seconds more before whispering that I was okay, that we were back at the resort and that it was time for us to head back to our bungalow. 

I swallowed hard, gathered my wits and followed her home.

We caught the tail end of the sunset as we walked hand in hand down the beach. I didn't seem capable of letting go and she wasn't making me. Sitting on our deck, we ate turnovers with our fingers for dinner. We didn't say much, but some part of our bodies were touching at all times. 

As the blanket of darkness descended, we stripped down to our suits and climbed into the hot tub. The hot water, the sultry night, Katniss’ kisses, I was in heaven. But each time she reached for my shorts, I gently shifted away. 

And it wasn't that I didn't want her to touch me, good God, I did. I just couldn’t handle the thought of it ending, of her pulling away and leaving me. And what if I disappointed her? I had heard many a waitress wax poetic about Hawthorne’s magical dick. I was afraid I’d pale in comparison. I was desperate to make love to her, for her to be on top, to ride me so that I could feel her set the rhythm. I wanted to know what her body craved. Shallow and fast, slow and deep, smooth or rough, sliding or rocking. I felt myself harden further just imagining her using me as a tool for her pleasure. I needed to bring my A game. I had spent my entire sexual life imagining the things I wanted to do to with and for Katniss Everdeen and I had to relax or I was going to completely blow it. So instead, I lifted her onto the edge of the tub.

She was sitting on the deck on the edge of the jacuzzi, framed by the dark sky, steam rising from her body as if she were a burning ember. I was in front of her, kneeling before her as I always had been. I ran my hands up her calves. Her face was backlit by the moon as she looked down on me, her expression unreadable, so I moved as slowly as my surging blood would allow, so she could stop me at any time. She didn't, though, as my hands pushed past her knees and parted her thighs. Her grip in the edge of the tub tightened.

“Okay?" I whispered, sure my voice would shred under the jaggedness of my need. I still couldn't read her expression, but heard her shaky exhale as she nodded slowly. It was nearly an out of body experience, watching my thick fingers trail up the inside of her thighs, then wrap around her slight hips to grasp the top of her bikini bottoms. She lifted her hips and I slowly dragged the wet fabric down legs until I could slip it over her feet. Once it had been discarded, I placed a soft, open-mouthed kisses starting at her ankle and moving slowly up her leg. She let out a small moan and I hardened painfully as I dragged my lips up her inner thigh, pushing her legs apart enough to accommodate me.

She had leaned back, her palms flat on the wooden deck. When I glanced up and caught the silver flash of her eyes in the moonlight, I groaned, just as the tip of my tongue ran over her folds. She fell back on her elbows and gasped as I licked her again. Emboldened, I parted her folds with my thumbs and ran my wet tongue in a slow circuit around her clit. 

"So good," I groaned and she answered with a ragged moan as she ran her hand into my hair, pulling as she tightened into a fist pushing my mouth against her. It unleashed something in me and I began to lick and suck with abandon. I pulled back slightly as she shifted under me, but quickly realized she was bringing her feet up to brace against the side of the tub as she pushed herself against my tongue. I slid two fingers into her wet heat as I felt the telltale trembling of her thighs. I reached my other hand up into the cup of her bikini top and found her hands already groping her breasts. I moaned against her and her legs shuddered violently as I pinched her hard nipple and tugged lightly.

"Oh, God, Peeta, I'm gonna", she gasped, her voice breaking into a hoarse cry as she pulsed and came on my tongue. She slumped back, laying on the damp wood, catching her breath. I kissed my way up her belly as I stood up on the bench to hover over her. When my mouth reached hers, she stopped my kiss with a finger on my lips, rasping out "So fucking good!" Before arching up and capturing my mouth in a scorching kiss.

Katniss reached under her towel and pressed a square packet into my palm. I had been low-key agonizing about how to handle the condom situation, not wanting to presumptuous, so I almost laughed out loud at how easy that was. Until her next words chased any thought of laughter away.

“Condom. Now.” Her voice was soft, but commanding.

I was wet and slippery from the hot tub, and a little jittery from arousal, as I rolled the condom down my length. As soon as it was on, she reached down between us and without preamble, slid my rock-hard dick into her velvety softness. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, willing my body to take its time and feel everything. But the more I felt, the more heart-stoppingly intense sensations I allowed to course through my veins, the more inevitable my orgasm became. I recited old World Series stats by year, trying to distract myself from the overwhelming pleasure that was flashing up my cock from base to tip. As my balls tightened and the white hot sensation exploded up my cock, I grabbed her shoulders and began to thrust into her hard. She responded with a shuddering moan and pulled her legs up higher on my ass.

I was done for. As I started to climax, I buried myself in her with a grunt of release and came deeply inside of her with the force of a freight train. Gasping, I opened my eyes to find her staring straight into me, a look of absolute awe on her beautiful face as I felt her orgasm flutter around my cock. It was a spiritual experience, like I had passed my climax onto her, like our bodies had shared a single euphoric experience. It was the most intense sexual sensation I had ever had and almost immediately I wanted to do it again. In fact, I felt like I might be chasing that feeling for the rest of my life. 

“Holy fucking God,” she breathed.

“Yeah.” I collapsed on the wood next to her, staring up at the stars.

She rolled over onto me, throwing one leg over my thigh and nestling her face into my neck. Her breath tickled my skin as she asked, “Why, in heaven’s name, has it taken us so long to do that?”

“How do you mean?” I asked chuckling, my mind just emerging from its post-orgasmic fog.

“I mean, we’ve lived in the same town our entire lives. We’ve worked at Abernathy’s together for years. I just can’t believe the best sex of my life has been within reach all this time. And I almost missed it.”

Best sex of her life?! I could have cried from the beauty of that statement. I felt some pressure valve release inside me, like a pain I didn’t even know I was feeling abated. I thought I might float away. I scooped her still wet body up and carried her into the house. Setting her down at the foot of the bed, I used one of the excessively fluffy towels to rub us both down before patting the bed. She crawled up and laid down, her hair fanning out over the pillow. After discarding the condom, I settled next to her with my head on her thigh.

“I honestly didn’t know sex could be like this,” she said quietly.

“Like what?” I asked, drawing small swirling patterns into the skin of her belly. looked up at her from where my chin was perched on her hip.

“I don’t know. So.... nice.”

“Nice?” I clutched at my heart

She laughed, that deep throaty laugh that made my head spin. “Nice isn’t what I mean.” She wrinkled her nose adorably and tried again, “Gentle, maybe.” She glanced down at me and shrugged, “Tender? Jesus, I sound like such a girl.”

“Oh trust me, you’re a girl in all of the very best ways.” I ran a fingertip up her stomach to trace around the swell of her breast, spiraling in until I was brushing against her peaked nipple.

“Like that?” she asked, her eyes darkening slightly, distracting me from the conversation as I slid up her body to ghost my lips over her other nipple. But I pulled back to settle on the pillow beside her because something about this conversation seemed important and I didn’t want to get too distracted.

“Are those good things? Or…”

She nodded quickly, “Very good. Just different.”

“Can you tell me how?” I clasped our fingers together. I couldn’t stand not to be touching her.

She took a deep breath and turned her head to stare at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I guess sex has always just been kind of… frantic. There’s probably a better word, but, like, quick and dirty.” She cringed, furrowing her forehead. “Most of my hook ups have been these frenzied one night stands. Even with Gale...Wait, is this weird to talk about?”

“No, I literally want to know everything about you.” She flicked me, mistaking my sincerity for sarcasm, but continued.

“Once Gale and I started dating, we fought all the time. So we had a lot of angry sex and a lot of kinda desperate makeup sex. And it was intense and all, but it never felt all slow and,” she squirmed a little, turning to press against me, “Nice.”

I felt unbearably protective of her and I realized that I was going to be the first man to properly worship her. I would show her my love in each stroke of my fingertips and flick of my tongue. I resolved to make her come so hard and so often that she would barely remember those other experiences. And, I was hard again.

Grasping her hip, I rolled her gently onto her back. Propping myself up on an elbow beside her, facing her, but not letting our bodies touch, I said, “Okay, Katniss, tell me what you like.”

She tried to roll back towards me, but I held her down with my palm on her hip. “Tell me.” My voice was low and sounded more like growl. She shivered and my cock throbbed.

She cleared her throat. “I like it when you touch me.”

I trailed my knuckles down her collarbone and between her breasts, bumping lightly over each rib. “Like this?”

She arched her back up, pushing her breasts up and I sucked in a breath, but squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself under control.

“More. Please.” She grabbed my hand and pushed it into her skin, directing me lower.

I pulled away and said teasingly, “Hands by your sides Ms. Everdeen.”

“So bossy,” she shook her head, but smiled up at me. And my heart broke a little with the sweetness of it. She laid her hands, palms down, by her side and I felt that thrill at her compliance. I brushed my lips softly against hers.

“Where were we?” As lightly as I could, I ran my fingertips down her stomach, stopping just above her pubic bone. “Like that?”

She closed her eyes and nodded, licking her lips. “Yes.” She pulled her legs up and let them drop open. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from coming on the spot.

I brushed my index finger over her downy hair until I reached the cleft of her lips. Her breath hitched and I was having trouble holding it together. I feathered my fingertip over her clit and asked, “Like this?”

“Yeah,” she moaned, opening her eyes to stare up at me, “like that.” Holy fuck, she was hot. 

I began softly stroking the tip of her clit, she twitched with every touch, emitting small desperate moans as she strained up to increase the pressure. 

“This?”

She shook her head back and forth, but said, “Yes! Fuck, Peeta, it feels so fucking good.” Then she sprang up so fast she knocked my hand away. I sat up, afraid I’d somehow pushed her too far, done something wrong. She put her palm to the middle of my chest and pushed me backwards, forcing me to scoot back until my back hit the headboard. I pulled my legs up so I could get to my knees and reach her, but she was already pushing my knees to the side and climbing into my lap. 

“What, Kat-” She pushed my knees until I was sitting crossed-legged as she kneeled before me, rolling a condom down my shaft. 

“I like that, but right now, I need you inside me.”

She straddled me, her knees by my hips and her feet slipping into the space under my knees, before lowering herself onto my cock. The surge of fear I’d felt when she pushed me away had taken away some of the urgency and while still hard, I was no longer close to coming. In this position, our faces were inches from each other and I could see the glassy lust in her eyes. She was exquisite as she started to slowly rise and lower herself along my length.

It felt amazing, but was a slow build. As she started to bounce more quickly on my cock, I worried that her thighs were going to get tired. I grabbed her ass with one hand and began to pull her in towards me, changing the angle and making her gasp. I placed my other hand in a fist just above my dick. She bumped against it and moaned. She began to undulate her hips in tight circles so she could rub her clit against the knuckles of my fist. She was so fucking beautiful and it felt so fucking good, I didn’t think I could hold on much longer.

She closed her eyes and started to buck wildly against my hand, against my cock. 

"Open your eyes, Katniss. I need to watch you come," I gritted out from between my clenched teeth, I was barely holding on by a string.

She opened them and I met her unfocused gaze. She was panting, but then her breath caught just as I felt her body clench. She let out a long, keening cry as she came, pulsing around my shaft. She collapsed forward, boneless and spent, her forehead resting against mine. I fell into the galaxy of her eyes as my orgasm barreled up my spine and exploded out of my cock.

"Oh my fucking God," I gasped when I could talk again. I lifted her pliant body off of me, laying her back on the bed so I could unwind my legs. I collapsed beside her, the pins and needles helping to focus the reality of the moment.

She started to laugh and I couldn’t help but join her. Best sex of my life followed by a belly laugh. It really didn’t get any better than this. 

She climbed off the bed and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the little shower. It had only been a couple of days since we were in here together last, but it felt like we had come so far together. I stood behind her and shampooed and conditioned her hair as she leaned into me.

I ran my soapy hands all over her body and was actually a little surprised to feel my dick twitch to life. She lifted one wry eyebrow at me over her shoulder and I shrugged apologetically. 

We dried off and she sat between my legs on the bed as I braided her damp hair. She fastened the elastic around the braid and ran her fingers down the plait before pronouncing it, “Pretty good.”

I was more comfortable that I’d ever been as she settled into my arms and kissed me goodnight. 

“Sweet dreams, Peeta,” she murmured, snuggling into my side. But dreams didn’t matter when life was this good.


	11. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, two updates in one week! If it hadn’t been for the D12drabbles prompt literally being "Holiday" this week, and some seriously motivating messages, I wouldn’t have attempted it. I am not a fast writer, y'all. And as @xerxia31 can attest, I may have stopped using actual words at some point last night. Continued and eternal gratitude to xerxia for all of her assistance in sorting it out and her general all-around awesomeness. Also, many thanks again to the fantastic moderators for throwing this party and the lovely readers who have left kudos and comments!

Peachy-yellow, pre-dawn light was filtering through the window as I woke up on Friday morning. The realization settled in my stomach like a stone. Friday: our last full day in Hawaii. Tomorrow we headed home. Tonight would mark one week since Katniss and I had stumbled out of Abernathy’s, each with an arm slung around Marvel. I remembered focusing on the part of my forearm that touched hers as we walked. That was as close to her as I’d ever been. Now, as I took in her sex-rumpled, sleeping perfection outlined against the white sheet beside me, it was hard to believe we had come so far in a week. It was even harder to imagine that it was almost over. And that I didn’t know what would happen when we got home. I was desperate to broach the subject again, but equally desperate to make this last day magical, without introducing anything that would make her feel pushed or uncomfortable.

I had started to reimagine Marvel as my fairy-god-drunk in this story and I remembered that I needed to do something life-changing to thank him for handing this opportunity to me on a golden platter.

I was starting to get jittery. This always happened to me when I’d get nervous or recognize an important event was on the immediate horizon. I tended to get really amped in these moments, to be “on” and channel my most twinkly, charming self. But I knew that wasn’t going to work with Katniss. False bravado would just make her roll her eyes. I needed to do something grand today, but I had to hold it together. I could already feel my leg starting to bounce under the sheet with my anxiety, so I carefully got up, slipped on a shirt, some running shorts and shoes and headed out for a jog.

My knee was bruised and sore, but the wound had scabbed over. The discomfort with each step, helped to ground me. Every time my mind would start to conjure up some over-the-top romantic gesture, I would push myself to run faster. I needed to purge myself of desperation, I needed to be my best, most authentic self today. Or, even better, I needed to be the guy that was worthy of Katniss. But who the fuck was that? The panic was creeping back up my spine and I ran harder. Despite the early hour, I was drenched in sweat by the time I stumbled up the stairs of our deck and began stretching out my shaking legs.

As I quietly pushed through the glass door, I saw that Katniss was awake and glowering at her phone. Affection for every wonderful thing about her bubbled up in my chest, threatening to choke me. I wanted to fall on my knees before her and worship her, tracing her downturned lips with my fingertips.

I quickly realized that Katniss was ignoring me, trying to seem aloof while clearly annoyed. The problem was, she was wearing these short drawstring shorts, a spaghetti-string camisole and a scowl, all of which were doing things to me. She really should know better than trying to ignore the baby of the family; we thrive on neglect.

She had turned her back to my side of the bed as she toyed with her phone. So I sat down on her side, inches from her. She shot me an irritated look that didn’t meet my eyes as she rolled onto her back, in a painfully obvious dismissal. A lion rebuffing a monkey. Perhaps a more mature man would have taken the hint, backed off and retreated to their side of the bed to ignore her right back. But I am not those men and those shorts were tantalizingly small. I decided that the shorts were the problem and they needed to be dealt with.

Walking back to the foot of the bed, I wiped my brow with the hem of my shirt, just barely catching the silver flash of her eyes raking over my torso before she re-glued her gaze to the screen. I peeled the sweaty t-shirt over my head and stood at the foot of the bed watching her refuse to acknowledge me. I placed my hands on either side of her and slowly crawled up the length of her body. She was peeking over the top of her phone, staring at me impassively. I snagged the drawstring of her tiny shorts with my teeth and pulled, very slowly.

With the string still wedged between my teeth, I asked, “What have I done to upset you, and how can I possibly fix it?” I gave her my best innocent Bambi eyes.

She huffed out a breath, and I was surprised by the unexpected flash of vulnerability I saw in her eyes. Staring back at her phone she said, “You were gone when I woke up. Ever heard of writing a note when you leave someone naked in bed?”

Oh, fuck. I abandoned the string and grabbed her hand. “Katniss, I’m so sorry. It was practically dark when I left… I’m sorry, it didn’t occur to me.”

Her hard eyes softened as she pursed her lips and nodded at me. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that signaled forgiveness, so I reached up and ran my thumb over her eyebrow and down her petal soft cheek. “Do you forgive me? I promise I’ll never do it again.”

“I guess. How, exactly, were you going to make it up to me?” She still wasn’t looking at me, but I was pretty sure I had her attention.

Putting on my best official heralding voice, I intoned, ”I hereby Christen today as International Katniss Everdeen Day.” She rolled her eyes and looked back at her phone.

I rested my head on her belly, staring up at her hopefully until she huffed and put her phone down.

When she looked into my eyes, I found it was harder than I thought to share this particular childhood memory. “When I was little, my mom would leave periodically to visit her sister. Looking back on it, I think they were periods of separation for my parents, but from my perspective as a kid, they were little reprieves from her misery and general tyranny.” Katniss was staring down at me with her cat-like gray eyes and her attention pushed me forward. I took a deep breath and continued.

“During those few days, my dad would give each of my brothers and me a day where we got to be the boss. On that day, we got to choose the special pastry for the bakery, whatever we wanted for dinner and usually some sort of activity. Those days were the best of my childhood. They make up most of my best memories.” She had began absentmindedly combing her fingers through my hair as I talked, and it was infinitely comforting. 

“So tell me about a Peeta Day,” she said, a ghost of a smile playing at her lips.

“Okay. Well, one time when I was eleven, I chose animal cookies for the bakery special. My dad and I spent hours cutting and decorating gorillas, elephants, hippos and lions. Then I demanded a cup of tea that was mostly sugar and milk and we dipped and ate them for breakfast. I totally barfed, but even that didn’t taint the experience.” I laughed.

“Is that why you never take sugar in your tea?” My eyes snapped up to hers and she looked down, blushing slightly.

“I can’t believe you know that about me.”

“You’re not the only one paying attention,” she scolded.

“No?”

“You always sleep with the windows open,” she gestured to the still cracked door. “You always double-knot your shoelaces,” she pointed to my still tied shoes. “And you love sunsets.”

I looked down, afraid she could see into my very soul if our eyes met. See my loneliness, my needy existence dying for her to stay with me.

“Then what?” she asked softly.

“Huh?”

“What did eleven-year-old you do after the cookie purge?”

“Uh, I made everyone play gin rummy and Pictionary and then go miniature golfing.”

“And dinner?”

“Hotdogs,” I grinned up at her, loving that she wanted to know. “With mustard.”

“So you were bossy back then too, huh?” She pulled my hair, not hard, but enough for me to feel it.

“Are you kidding? I was an angel.” I blinked rapidly, fluttering my eyelashes at her.

“Yeah, I bet.” She ran a fingertip along my lashes. “You know these are amazing, right? That girls would kill for these suckers?”

I pulled up the hem of her tank top and fluttered them against her belly while cackling in my best old lady voice, “The better to give butterfly kisses with, my dear.” She laughed, and I kissed the soft skin above her bellybutton.

Her stomach growled.

“So, Miss Katniss Everdeen, boss of the world, what would you like for breakfast?” I gave her a crisp salute.

“So today is my holiday? You have to do whatever I say?”

“Yep.” I couldn’t help wondering if she knew how deeply I wanted to know what she wanted.

“If this gets me pancakes, I’ll play.”

“As you wish,” I said with a cheeky grin. I jumped off the bed and donned a clean shirt before heading up the hill to the buffet. Full of renewed hope, I vowed to make her a proper breakfast back in Twelve. Preferably after I’d kept her up all night screwing her brains out.

After putting in my order with the buffet grill cook, I began loading up a plate with bacon, sausage and fruit. It felt utterly bizarre to be back on this fake lanai after seeing more of this amazing island. But until I could get her back to my kitchen, desperate times called for desperate measures. And today, that meant a breakfast buffet. I would get Katniss whatever she wanted, however I could.

I noticed that blond asshole aggressively flirting with one of the hotel girls that gave hula lessons. She looked distinctly uncomfortable as he ran his hand up her bare side and kept flipping up the bottom of her grass skirt. I was trying to decide how best to intervene, when I felt a pink-taloned, iron grip on my shoulder as Effie Trinket’s shrill voice assaulted me.

“‘Mr. Everdeen, it is so good to see you! Where have you been for the past couple of days? Is Mrs. Everdeen going to show her face?” There was accusation in her voice and I felt the irrational need to explain myself before realizing I didn’t need to because she was talking again. “No matter. You’ve missed so many wonderful activities already, but you can choose one of our incredible offerings for your last day with us. May I suggest the couples spa package with dual massages?”

“Thanks, really, I’ll talk to Katniss.” I just wanted to gather my pancakes and get back to her as quickly as possible. I was starting to feel desperate. I grabbed the plates and backed away from her as she continued to spout off resort activities that didn’t sound like anything Katniss would be into.

As I traipsed down the path, trying not to drop anything, Finnick walked up beside me. He grabbed a sausage off one of the plates and said, “I saw Effie hassling you about activities. Charter the boat. I’ll take you somewhere cool.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m the boat pilot.” He winked at me. “Trust me. You’ll be thank me later.”

“I need to talk to Katniss, it’s kind of her choice today.”

“Already done. That’s where I’m coming from. Go charter the boat.” He grabbed both of the plates out of my hand and started back towards the bungalow. I was torn. Finnick was awesome, and if he wanted to do this, I owed him. I was hoping to have Katniss all to myself today. But if this was what she wanted, it was her holiday… I jogged back up to the hotel, catching Effie before she could hobble up to her office in those ridiculous heels. Within minutes I had chartered the boat.

Katniss was sitting alone on the deck with our breakfast when I got back.

“Hurry up and eat your pancakes, we’ve got a boat to catch.” She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help grinning back at her as I sat down and pulled her against me with one hand while I ate bacon with the other. Not a bad morning.

We changed into our suits, Katniss wearing that sky blue bikini top that had almost killed me a few days ago, and headed towards the boathouse to meet Finnick. As we walked along the beach, I heard the rain before I felt it, like the thundering hooves of some great sky beast galloping towards us. Then the sky above just opened up, pouring down like a lukewarm shower. I grasped Katniss’ hand and ran toward the nearest shelter. We entered the boathouse at a run, skidding to halt when we discovered the narrow walkways between rows of stacked boats. The light filtering in became dimmer as we wound our way behind the last row. It was still warm in the back of the building and the smell of wood polish permeated the air.

There were raindrops glistening like diamonds in the sheet of her onyx hair, her cheeks lightly flushed and eyes flashing with…. Something? I couldn’t help myself, I kissed her, pushing her against the polished wood of the nearest boat. She kissed me back hard and wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the wet curls at the base of my neck. The need crashing through me, detonating in my stomach, as I lowered her down on the smooth wood planks of the floor. I covered her body with mine, exploring her mouth with my tongue. She moaned and pushed up into me and if it hadn’t been for Finnick’s voice coming from somewhere nearby, I was sure we would have fucked each other then and there. I was delirious with desire for her and couldn’t help planting an open mouth kiss on her neck as I helped her up.

Walking onto the dock, we saw that Finnick had brought Annie and had a large picnic basket in his hand that he was passing to her in the boat.

“Your chariot awaits,” he teased, bowing deeply before gracefully vaulting into the boat. Katniss jumped in after him and I nearly fell as I followed.

Finnick piloted the boat like it was an extension of his body, slaloming through the waves like he was following some invisible path through the sea. Annie wrapped herself around his back and he reached back with his free hand to caress her thigh.

Katniss was kneeling in the bow of the boat, taking everything in. I tried to concentrate on the beauty of the surrounding landscape, the patterns of the waves, the coastline of the island, but gave up and just stared at her.

Abruptly, Finnick changed course and, throttling down the engine, took us quickly in towards shore. I could make out a thin line of golden sand surrounding the protected cove, before the cliffs rose up into a green and black wall. As we got closer, I watched the narrow beach come into focus, surrounded by the steep slope of the hillside that scaled up to a terrace about eighty feet up. Finnick took the boat into about four feet of water before gesturing expansively at the beach.

Voice raised to be heard over the idling engine, Finnick shouted, “This is as close as I can get. Grab your stuff and we’ll pick you up in a couple of hours.” He grinned, “There is no one around for miles. Not a soul. For miles.”

Slipping into the surf with the picnic basket perched on her head, Katniss hollered back, “Yeah, we got it. We’ll be careful.”

As I swung my legs over the side, Finnick waggled his eyebrows and mouthed, “No one for miles,” again and I couldn’t help grinning back at him.

I loved that Katniss assumed he was concerned about our safety. She was nothing if not a big sister at heart. I hurried after her through the waves to take the basket from her.

We set our stuff down on the sand and took a look around. With hands on hips, Katniss was staring up the slope where a small trail had been carved through the vegetation to the dark rock below.

“Wanna take a look around before we eat?” she asked, shading her eyes against the sun.

I looked down at our flimsy footwear. “I know you’re part mountain goat, but do you think flipflops are going to cut it?”

She was already ten feet up the slope before I started to clamber up behind her. The athletic shorts she had on gave a tantalizing view of her legs and perfect ass as she climbed up ahead of me. Instead of ebbing, this constant state of wanting her, desperately wanting her, seemed to be intensifying; the more I got to touch her, the more I wanted.

As we reached the plateau, the trail widened enough that we could walk side by side. And then the craziest thing happened: she started to talk. Not answering a question, not playful banter, not ninja-like deflection, but actual conversation initiation. She talked about how her dad had taught her to hunt and how she felt close to him every time she was out in the wilderness, even a foreign one like this. She talked about Prim’s medical program and how proud she was of her.

As I watched her describe all of the things she wanted for Prim, her mother, Gale, even Haymitch, but not for herself, I was awed by the fierceness of her love, her loyalty. But that was a vital difference between us. While I generally liked people, cared deeply for them even and wished them the best, when it came right down to it, I did want something for myself. I wanted her. Only her. Everything else was just frosting. I realized that I was either incredibly lucky or completely screwed that Katniss was it for me. She was my missing puzzle piece. But what if she didn’t want to be?

“Peeta,” she asked quietly, “Are you okay?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then I turned to her and cupped her face gently in my palm.

“You’re a wonderful sister, daughter, friend… well, basically, you’re just wonderful.” I stroked her cheek, unbelievably soft and warm under my hand, and forced myself to pull away. I didn’t want to push too hard. I was having so much trouble not just proposing already.

But in the next moment her small, cool hands were framing my face as she whispered, “You’re wonderful too.” And then she kissed me. And the entire world contracted to the sensation of her lips on mine. As she broke away, she slung an arm around my waist and pulled out her phone, holding it up in front of us.

“Do you mind? I promised Prim another picture.” I couldn’t keep the smile from cracking my face wide open. Katniss pressed her cheek against mine and took the photo. Shading the screen, she typed a quick text and sent it off.

“Send it to me too, please,” I asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of my voice. Whatever happened next, I would have photographic evidence that this day, this feeling, had really existed.

We stared out over the ocean. From this vantage, the jewel tones of the water as it transitioned from the deep blue of the open ocean to the light aquamarine near the shore were amazing. I took Katniss’ hand in mine, bringing it to my lips as I kissed each knuckle.

She tugged on my hand as she started down the hill, “Let’s go back, I’m starving!” Chuckling, I followed her, picking my way carefully down the treacherous path. The dull ache in my knee was a reminder to watch where I was walking rather than giving in to the constant urge to ogle Katniss’ legs.

When we were near the bottom of the trail, she veered off towards the edge of the cove. Having spotted something, she started forward, before running the few steps back to me and grabbing my hand. “C’mon Peeta!” Bouncing on her toes, she led us to a ledge overhanging a sheer, ten-foot drop into the turquoise water.

“Together?” she grinned at me, holding out her hand.

Despite the fear the clawed up into my throat, how could I possibly refuse an offer like that? I grasped her hand and nodded, “Together.” And we jumped.

I clung to the rocks as she swam nearby, watching as she flipped over onto her back. Her hair floated out in a halo around her like a cloud of squid ink, her skin glinting like wet copper. I would have killed for my paints and a canvas, but did my best to fix the scene in my mind.

As she waded out of the surf, she started to peel off her clothes, one piece at a time. Never breaking eye-contact until she was standing naked in front of me.

“I just got Finnick’s message about the deserted beach,” she drawled, a small smile toying at the corner of her mouth.

White hot need surged up my spine. I was hard before her clothes were even off, consumed by ragged, breathless wanting. But instead of trying to put my love for her into words, I shucked off my clothes and dropped to my knees, letting my mouth tell the story of my devotion on her salt-kissed skin. And she trembled and shuddered her response: a moan at the back of her throat, a thrum of honeyed pleasure as she came against my tongue.

As she collapsed into the warm sand, still shuddering with the aftershocks of her orgasm, I had the manic urge to reach inside of her, to touch her in a deeper place than I could reach. Then I realized how weird that was and shook my head at my unrelenting need for her.

“What just ran through your head?” she asked, lifting up onto her elbows and causing me to roll to her side.

I was so surprised that she was asking me what I was thinking that I blurted out the truth without thinking, “I was picturing you without skin.”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust, “That explains the look you just had on your face. But why?”

I was in now. “I want to touch you more deeply than your surface.” I held up a placating hand,” I know that sounds super-creepy, don’t be scared.” I added my best disarming smile.

“Gross,” she said collapsing back on the sand. “But I kinda get what you mean.”

“You do?” She couldn’t have possibly meant the same thing.

“Yeah,” she sighed, smiling softly as she ran her fingers down my cheek, my neck, to rest over my heart. Damn, maybe she did. “As much as I miss Prim and can’t wait to see her, I’m really not looking forward to going home tomorrow.”

“Me either.” The thought of her walking away from me at the airport caused a new wave of need to surge through me and I pulled her against me while I still could. She pushed me flat on my back and climbed on top of me, straddling my hips. Reaching behind her, she ran her palm down my hard shaft causing me to shudder. Staring into my eyes, she licked her palm twice, then resumed stroking me behind her back, my dick nestled against her ass. I wanted her so badly, needed to be inside of her. I gripped her thighs with both hands and begged her, “Please, Katniss.”

Rising up on her knees, she slowly slid me into her warm, welcoming body. She rode me languidly and I was grateful to have the time to admire her moving sinuously above me, breasts bouncing with each undulation, sun-kissed skin framed by the bluest sky. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, never wanting this to end.


	12. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloha! So we’re nearing the end of this Holiday, and this chapter ended up being ridiculously long. It was written for the D12drabbles prompt "Fire" and was not remotely appropriate for a drabble situation (I know I’ve already blown the drabble illusion, but I’ve been trying to keep the chapters a reasonable length to post to that forum). So I had to cut this one in a tough spot. Bottom line: buckle up for some angst. If that’s not to your liking, I’ll post the next chapter in the next week or so in case you want to wait. 
> 
> Eternal gratitude to @xerxia31, beta-extraordinaire and the queen of the drabbles!

Watching Katniss’ lithe body swaying sensually above me, I felt like I had gone into some kind of euphoric trance. Reaching behind her to grip my thighs, she arched, dropping her head back and I felt the wet tips of her hair brush against my knees. It was impossibly erotic and I was simultaneously engulfed in a thick, viscous pleasure that made my blood sing as I neared my orgasm and a wild, impossible wish to prolong this blissful torture.

“I’m close,” I groaned.

“It feels so good, Peeta. You feel so good,” she gasped out, her voice as light and breathy as spun sugar. Then her eyes widened in what I could only describe as horror, before she pushed off of me and slid down my body.

Alarmed, I tried to sit up and follow her, “What is it?” I gasped.

She shook her head and sucked my dick into her hot mouth. Despite the nagging feeling that something was wrong, the blissful feel of her tongue laving the head of my cock coupled with the knowledge that she was tasting herself on my skin, sent me careening over the edge.

As I caught my breath, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and met my questioning gaze with a tight smile. “I forgot the condom,” she bit out.

“Oh, fuck, I didn’t even think of that.” I grabbed her hand because she wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m clean. I got tested for everything under the sun a couple months ago and I haven’t been with anyone since.” 

She nodded again, then responded, “That’s good, but not really the point.” 

“What is then? The point? Are you worried about getting pregnant?” I knew something had gone really wrong for her, but I wasn’t sure what. I needed her to talk to me. 

She shook her head, “No, I have an IUD, pregnancy isn’t the issue.” I tried not to let even a sliver of disappointment cross my face as I asked quietly, “I don’t understand. What’s the issue?”

“I didn’t protect myself. I forgot to use the most basic protection. I got too caught up in this,” she gestured limply between us. 

“But you didn’t need to, everything is fine.” Her eyes flashed silver and her nose flared in frustration. I was missing something crucial, but I couldn’t figure out what.

“Talk to me, explain it to me,” I pleaded.

She shook her head again, but her eyes were less hard when she said, “I don’t do things like that. Not ever.” She sighed heavily, already starting to chew anxiously on her cuticles. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

“Try me. I want to, I really want to understand.”

“Look, you have a family, friends, a whole system set up to make sure you won’t fail. I’m on my own. I’ve always been on my own. I have to keep myself safe.” 

"Katniss,” I waited until she finally glanced over at me, meeting my eyes momentarily before returning to staring intently at her nails, before continuing, “I would never do anything in this world to hurt you. And I have some idea how you feel. I know it’s different, but... I've been lonely my entire life."

She sputtered, "You have, like, a million friends!"

"I'm friendly, I like people, but that isn't the same thing and I think you know it."

She looked over my shoulder and nodded thoughtfully, " I guess."

I took a deep breath, blowing it out noisily, before admitting, "You make me feel less lonely. Just being around you soothes that ache inside me.”

"That doesn't make any sense." She watched as she twisted her fingers together in her lap. "You've got your family, your brothers. All those girls that are always mooning over you."

"There are always people around, but none of them really get me." My voice cracked as I admitted the difficult truth, "I’m on my own too. No one really needs me." I smiled, but felt rubbed raw to admit this awful truth.

“You can’t be serious! You’re the best person I know, Peeta. You make every person you talk to happy. Everyone needs you.” And from her lips, I almost believed it.

She put her head against her knees and said in a muffled voice, “I feel dizzy.”

I jumped up and retrieved the picnic basket, quickly assembling our lunch as she pulled her damp clothes back on. I was sad to see any part of her hidden from me.

As she bit into a slab of bread and cheese, she said sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to ruin our day.”

“You didn’t.” I said, handing her a fat slice of white pineapple. “I always want you to talk to me. About anything. Everything.” 

She looked at me warily, but nodded once. Her sunniness sounded forced when she said, “This Katniss Day deal is really starting to grow on me. But all of this pampering and awesome sex is wearing me out! I need a nap.” I could feel that she needed some space, which made me feel slightly sick and panicky inside, but I pulled on my shorts and walked back over to the hillside.

As Katniss basked in sun, I wandered up the path and picked some yellow and purple flowers. Returning to her, like a moth to a flame, I propped her head on my lap as I used my new braiding skills to weave the flowers into her hair. 

She cracked an eye open, “That feels nice.”

“Looks nice too. Next you’re going to have to teach me French braids.”

“K. I don’t usually braid my hair for decoration, it’s more of a practical thing. You have a weakness for beauty, and I don’t. Are you trying to make me pretty?” She scowled and scrunched up her nose, like she could be anything but beautiful.

"Hard to improve on perfection,” I joked, but added, “Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as weakness. Except possibly when it comes to you." Because to be sure, her beauty made me weak.

“Sure, Mellark, I bet you say that to all the girls.” I knew she was holding me at bay, protecting herself like she had said. But it devastated me that she felt she needed any kind of protection, emotional or otherwise, from me.

I wanted to say something, to figure out how to make her understand that I would die before I hurt her, but I heard the distant hum of a motor and knew that Finnick must be coming to collect us. She lifted her head towards the sound and gave me a small, tight smile. We quickly gathered our things and were already wading out as Finnick came to an idling stop in the shallows. 

“I thought I would have to send in a search party, so nice of you to be ready for me.” He sounded jovial as he helped pull Katniss into the boat, but he was looking at me with a question in his startlingly green eyes. I didn’t know what to say as I heaved myself over the side of the boat. 

Katniss stepped in, thanking him for sharing such a beautiful place with us. He told her he had one more surprise in store if we were up for some company. Katniss nodded enthusiastically and I let go of regaining whatever ground we’d just lost. I told myself to just chill the fuck out and let her be for a while. I knew it was what she wanted, but it scared the crap out me to let her go even a little bit.

After returning the boat and making a quick pit stop to change clothes, we hiked up the beach to Finnick and Annie’s little house. Even from a few hundred feet away, I could tell there was a gathering in full swing. I had a terrible urge to throw Katniss over my shoulder and run back to our bungalow. But as I saw Johanna standing up the path waving, I realized how selfish I was being. As much as I was dying to have Katniss all to myself, this was our only opportunity to spend a last bit of time with, and say farewell to, our new friends. 

Katniss reached back and squeezed my hand, giving me one of those crinkly-nosed smiles I loved so much. Then she took off running up the path towards Johanna who was yelling, “About fucking time brainless, I almost ate this whole damn pig without you!”

Finnick quickly explained that they’d caught a wild pig early this morning and had been cooking a kālua pig all day in Katniss’ honor, since she’d missed the opportunity to eat her own pig earlier in the week. Had that really been less than a week ago?

Finnick handed me a beer and asked, “Not the day you were hoping for?”

“No, no, it was a wonderful day. Thanks so much for taking us out there, it was a breathtaking place.”

“Then why do you look like someone ran over you dog?”

“What is it with you people and comparing everything to dead dogs?” I shook my head, but felt like Finnick could see right through me.

He shrugged, “We like dogs.” I couldn’t help a mirthless chuckle. “Do you mind if I give you a little unsolicited advice?” 

“Please.” I tipped my beer at him in encouragement.

“You need to chill the fuck out, Peeta. You’re such a cool dude, but you lose all of your chill around that girl. And I get it, when you find the right one, it's some serious fucking business. But even I can tell you’re pushing too hard. And I’m an idiot, right Annie?”

“Right,” she answered, snaking her arms around me from behind and resting her chin on my shoulder. It felt nice and I felt some of the tension drain out of me. I was grateful we’d come.

We all gathered around the cluster of rocks that marked the imo, or underground oven. The rocks were raked back, then the cooked brown leaves were peeled away and an open-cage like basket strung between two poles was lifted out of the pit. As another layer of leaves was removed from the meat, the aroma hit me even before my brain could recognize the sight as food. It smelled like pork heaven! I glanced across the pit to where Katniss and Johanna were standing, Johanna bumping Katniss’ hip with her own as they grinned at each other. Katniss caught my eye and turned that gorgeous smile on me as she bounced lightly on her toes in excitement. Ah, the peacemaking properties of a good meal. 

In no time flat, a potluck feast had been assembled on a large table. Johanna shoved a plate into my hands and pushed me towards the table. “What are you waiting for? Eat!”

I loaded my plate with rice, poke, fruit and a steaming mound of kālua pig. My mouth was watering, despite the fact that my stomach was still tied in knots. I sat down with my plate next to the imo and stared down into the pit. The wood used to start the fire had burned down, leaving only hot rocks and coals. All of that slow, persistent heat, insulated and underground and cooked the most tender and decadent pork I’d ever tasted. 

Maybe it was because it was our last day, and that I was feeling more jittery and anxious every second Katniss was away from me, or maybe it was because, as Finnick said, I had no chill, but I couldn’t help seeing this as a metaphor. My love was an imo, a pit of smoldering embers, hot and deep. There are occasional flares of passion, but for the most part I smoldered determinedly and patiently and unquenchably just below the surface. 

Katniss' love, on the other hand, was more of an inferno, spreading like wildfire, engulfing and consuming everything in its path. When she was loving you, there wasn’t room for anything else. I prayed for the winds of fate to blow her fiery passion my way. I wanted to burn forever with the girl on fire.

As I sat there, trying to choke down the amazing food, I felt myself capsizing in my love for her.   
I wanted her so badly it made me tremble. The strength of this wanting made me weak. It was difficult to reconcile the two halves of my love for her. One half was as pure as the driven snow. I admired, worshiped, adored everything about her. I wanted to write her poetry, paint her masterpieces, construct monuments to her beauty and strength. I wanted to build a family with her and spend the rest of my life making her happy.

The other half of my love was covetous, full of filthy, animalistic lust. I wanted to consume her, claim her, make her scream my name. I wanted to make her writhe in pleasure and lose all semblance of her trademark reserve. I wanted to fuck her with reckless abandon for the rest of our natural lives and make her come until she couldn’t remember any other lovers. And both were insatiable. I was a fucking wreck for this girl.

How would I ever be able to go back to my life in Twelve without her? Living in endless orbit around her radiance, having tasted then been denied the life I most wanted. I pictured long, endless days of loneliness and unendurable sleepless nights, food tasting of ashes, all skies gray like her fathomless eyes.

She sat down next to me, offering another beer. “Hi.” 

I cleared my throat, trying to push down the anguish that was roiling through my entire body. “Hi.”

“You okay? You look kind of intense over here staring into the fire. That’s usually my spot.” Her lips quirked up in a cautious half smile.

“Yeah, I’m good.” My voice sounded strained, even to my ears and I looked back down into the fire.

“Do you want to leave?”

“Do you?” It scared me how much I wanted her to say yes.

“Did you, uh, have any other plans, or?”

“Not unless you felt like getting married or something?” I had meant for it to sound teasing and light, but it sounded exactly like I felt: desperate.

She visibly recoiled, like I’d slapped her rather than proposed. “Peeta?”

“Sorry, forget it. You stay, I’m gonna go for a walk.” I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin. I made my way over to Finnick and Annie, made an excuse about not feeling very well and thanked them for everything. 

Finnick grabbed my arm as I was turning to leave, “Hey, man, why don’t you sit for a little while, you can lay down on our bed if you want rest. You don’t look so good.” I could tell it was just kindness, but in my current state it took everything I had not to snap at him to mind his own business. I gritted my teeth and told him I’d be fine.

As I got further down the beach, I felt my anxiety starting to dissipate, to morph slowly into hopelessness. I thought I was imagining it when I heard her calling my name. I turned to see her running down the beach behind me, shoes in her hand.

“Peeta, hold up! What is going on with you?” She looked worried and wary of me. I was too raw to mince words.

“When I made that marriage comment you freaked out!” I meant for it to sound teasing, but it came out embarrassingly whiny.

“Jesus, Peeta, we’ve been involved, or whatever you want to call this, hooking up for, like, five days. That would freak anyone out.”

“But you know it’s more than that. At least it is for me.” I couldn’t hold her gaze, I sounded so pathetic.

“Peeta, I’m just trying to enjoy this for what it is: a crazy gift vacation. I never thought I’d get to experience something like this, and I’m just trying to have this time with you and not focus on it ending.”

“Why does it have to end?” 

“Um, because we get on a plane tomorrow and fly home.”

“Yeah, I get that the vacation is ending, why can’t we keep seeing each other when we get home?” And that, my friends, was the million dollar question.

She stared at me incredulously, before sputtering, “So you want to date me when we get back to Twelve? You want to deal with my crazy mother, my two full time jobs that go entirely towards putting my sister through school, my car that starts maybe half the time, my shitty little apartment that never has hot water and always smells like mold? Right, I bet you’d love to stick around for all that.”

I grabbed her hands and ducked to make eye contact with her glowering face, “Yes! All of it!”

Her face was so hard, her eyes had gone the darkest pewter gray I’d ever seen. “So what’s been stopping you all this time? We’ve known each other most of our lives. We’ve worked at Haymitch’s together for three years. You’ve never been interested enough to ask me out in all that time.”

And there it was. I had been nothing but interested, but I was a coward. What did I have to offer her? I kept thinking I would accomplish something more that would give me the confidence to finally tell her how I’ve always felt about her, to make me worthy of her. But that had never happened. Then fate intervened and gave me this opportunity, and as she pulled away from me and stomped down the beach I felt it slipping through my fingers. I knew better than to chase her right now, given that my mind was a muddled mess of need and longing without any compelling reasons why she should give me this chance. I headed back into the bungalow and started to clean.

Ten minutes later she stomped in through the door. And despite completely shutting me down earlier, she walked right over and climbed into my lap. With no preamble, she kissed her way up my neck and jaw to my mouth while simultaneously unbuckling my shorts. And that’s when it dawned on me: if I wanted her to want more than the physical part of our relationship, I had to stop giving her just the physical part. I had to be honest enough with myself that as unbelievable as the sex with Katniss was, it wasn’t the only thing I wanted. I wanted more.

“Hey, Katniss, hold on a minute.” I tipped my head back inhaling a sharp breath as she sucked my earlobe into her mouth.

“Uh uh,” she grunted into my ear, abandoning the fastening and starting to shove her hand down my shorts.

Grabbing her wrist to stop her progress, my voice was harder than I intended when I snapped, “Katniss, stop!”

She was standing before I even registered a movement. “Why, so we can talk about it some more?” Her face was red and her eyes were hard.

“I guess not,” I said, buckling my belt back up.

“Why can’t you just let me show you how I feel?” she huffed, her frustration evident in every gesture.

“What, horny?” I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth, but I was frustrated too. 

“Not just that,” she looked away, tugging hard on her braid. “I want…”

“What, Katniss? You want what?” I was truly desperate to know.

 

“I don’t know!” She was yelling now, her eyes flashing dangerously.

“Really? You’re actually standing there telling me you don’t know know what you want?” I knew this was perilous, but I was too upset to drop it. 

“Not this,” she gestured violently between us.

“Yeah, I got that from the first few times you said it.”

“That’s not what I mean either. Fuck!”

I so seldom lost my temper, but I felt reckless with her continual rejection burning in my chest. I stepped towards her, standing so close she had to tip her head back to look up at me. “Then what do you mean? ‘Cause it doesn’t seem right to me. You keep saying you don’t want this but that’s not how it feels.” It felt good to say it, the hurt and confusion of the past couple of days becoming a little less sharp. Because it was true, if I was honest with myself. This didn’t feel one sided. Not anymore. But if she couldn’t see it, couldn’t see how good we were together, I didn’t know how else to show her.

“I don’t know what to say.” She stepped away from me and the resulting rush of cool air between us made me realize how out of control I felt. 

“Fine. Let me know if you figure it out,” I gritted out. And before I started throwing things out of sheer frustration, I stomped out the front door.

I had no idea where I was going as I jogged up the path. I couldn’t believe I had acted like that. That this was going to end in such utter disaster. Without conscious effort, I found myself collapsing onto a bar stool and ordering a double shot of whisky. Haymitch would be proud.

I hung my head and felt the low throb of a tension headache starting behind my eyes. I could almost hear the sharp, derisive sound of my mother clicking her tongue in typical disappointment of my unworthiness. Shaking my head to banish the specter of her judgement, I downed the whiskey in one scalding gulp. The swirl of fiery liquid setting in my stomach like an ember of pure regret. Fuck, how was I sitting here alone, again? How was I allowing Katniss to slip away from me?

With startling clarity, I realized it was because I was scared. Not a pathetic pussy like my mother’s accusations, but truly, deeply afraid. This, right here, was my worst fear realized. I was losing Katniss, not because she didn’t know I existed, but because I wasn’t fighting for her. I couldn’t sit here and let her discard me like something useless. I had to stop hoping she’d find me worthy, I had to show her my worth. I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and despite the pallor and bloodshot eyes, I also saw steely determination. As the bartender sauntered over to refill my glass, I asked him for some paper and a pen. As he placed the trifecta of liquid courage, blank canvas and writing implement before me, I pulled myself to the edge of the stool and I began to draw. 

I had drawn Katniss a thousand times, in a thousand ways. Hand in hand with Prim on the walk home from school, listening intently to the adolescent chatter with an indulgent smile curving her lips. Staring out of the schoolroom window fingering the end of her braid, eyes filled with longing for the freedom of outside. Small frame hunched over the bar, filling in the ledger of her checkbook, worry etched in every line of her face. Stretched naked on my bed, dark skin illuminated by moonlight, an invitation in her parted lips, peaked nipples and glistening sex. But this time, I drew her not from afar, not as a hopeful observer, I drew her as I remembered her and had come to know her. Her fierceness, her vulnerability, her loneliness. And as I watched her take shape on the page, I knew it to be true: she needed me just as much as I needed her.


	13. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dammit, Peeta. You fucking deserve more than that! You deserve a girl that can love you back the right way.” She looked pissed or sad, her eyes were glassy.
> 
> I felt the fear clawing up from my stomach, demanding that I retreat, make a joke, turn away. But I held ground and admitted my truth. “Too bad, I don't love those girls. So I guess what I'm saying is, when I told you I'd take whatever you wanted to give me, I meant it. But I also need you to know that I want you. I want to build a life with you, and maybe, someday, a family with you. I want us to face this world together, hand in hand. But if that doesn't happen, I’ll still love you. Because these are my feelings. Mine. I have grown them, and fed them and they are strong. Probably the strongest thing about me. I am plagued by self doubt, all the fucking time, but I never doubt my feelings for you. They're my true north. Loving you is what makes me know I'm not broken, that I've got something good to offer, something beautiful and pure inside me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for the "Suitcase" prompt for @d12drabbles on Tumblr. Many thanks to @xerxia, the magical unicorn beta, for keeping me from embarrassing myself and for being so wonderful.
> 
> We're in the home stretch here, people! Thanks so much for joining me for this Holiday!

“Finally ditched that skinny sour-puss you were hanging out with?” I glanced at the overly made-up, overly vapid woman who was hitching the neighboring stool so close to me that she bumped my elbow. Annoyed at being interrupted, I rolled up my drawing and felt my heart sink a little lower at the certainty that Katniss was worth a thousand insincere blonds. 

“I’m glad you came to your senses.” She held out her purple-taloned hand and leaned further into me. “I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced. I’m Glimmer.”

I took in her smudged make up, too-short skirt, drunk-glazed eyes and nodded, smiling. I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture. 

“Wait!” she gasped, holding up hand to block the camera and adjusting her shirt to maximize the cleavage.She assumed a coquettish pose. “Now.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

She had taken this as proof my interest in her and I had to scoot my stool back to keep her from climbing into my lap. “Uh, where’s your boyfriend?” I asked, trying to dissuade her from leaning any closer to me. 

“Oh,” she waved her hand dismissively. “Probably fucking some bimbo.” Pot, meet kettle, I thought, derisively. “He turned out to be such a disappointment. But then, what do you expect from an asshole that treats their best friend like that?”

And all the pieces fell into place, and I saw the whole sorry mess unfold before me; run-away bride, best man, devastatingly drunk but geneous Marvel.

“Thank you,” I said chuckling at the insanity of it all.

“For what?” she purred, sticking her chest out until it brushed against my arm. “I haven’t done anything… yet.”

“For making such terrible life choices.” I was pulling my wallet out of my pocket when I felt it. Katniss’ small hand was on my shoulder and she was looking intently, dare I say, apologetically into my eyes. “Hey, Peeta, can we talk?”

“Why don’t you get lost? Peeta,” she glanced at me as it to verify she had the name right, “and I are having a drink. Buh-bye.” She pursed her lips into a pout and gave Katniss a little-girl wave.

I watched the fire flare in Katniss’ eyes, but she never even glanced at Glimmer. Man, I loved her. But then I remembered, that was the problem. 

“Katniss, this is Glimmer.” I couldn’t help searching her eyes for recognition.

“Who?” she asked distractedly, like she could not give less of a shit.

“You know, Marvel’s ex,” I prompted.

Recognition lit her face as she looked over my shoulder taking in the train-wreck that was Glimmer. “Wow, he seriously dodged a bullet,” she stated, no malice, just matter of fact statement in her voice. “Can we get out of here?” she asked, looking at my knees. Just then, Glimmer decided to run her hand up the inside of my thigh. I jumped at the contact, but didn’t have time to react because Katniss’ hand had already shot out and twisted Glimmer’s arm away.

“If you ever. Touch him again. I will break. Your. Hand.” She said it softly, but the pure menace in her voice was terrifying. 

Glimmer gasped, and I think she yanked her hand away and demanded something from me, but I couldn’t be sure because Katniss was looking at me imploringly and that was all I could see. 

“Please, Peeta?” Katniss repeated and I took her hand, tucking the drawing into my back pocket, I slid off the bar stool.

I heard an incredulous, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” from somewhere behind me, but I couldn’t have cared less. 

Katniss had come for me. 

I followed her out into the too warm evening that all of a sudden smelled too perfumy. I just wanted to be home with her. Home, with the scent of evergreens and deep soil, where the sunsets were soft orange rather than technicolor, where the nights had the decency to cool off. I needed for this to be real.

Neither of us spoke as we walked down the path towards the bungalow. She was still holding my hand when we reached the front door. She looked up into my face, then back down at our clasped hands and asked, “Can we walk? I’m not ready to let go.”  
“I hope you never do.” I was too tired to be coy, too wrung out to protect myself. This was my last chance and I was ready to lay myself bare for her.

We walked down to the water’s edge where the wet sand held our footprints. 

“I’m so sorry, Peeta. You didn’t deserve any of that. I… I don’t trust very easily and I lash out when I’m upset. And I’m sorry I treated you that way. I’m afraid I’m kind of a wreck. You deserve better. That’s what I was trying to say earlier before I turned into a snarling wildebeest.” She shot me a rueful smile. 

This was it, my chance. I cleared my throat so my voice wouldn’t crack when I said, “If it’s not painfully obvious, I’m in love with you. I thought I was before, but I’m sure of it now.” I was shaking and I was sure she could feel it, so I shrugged and added, “Snarling wildebeest or not.”

One small hand reached up to caress my face as she said sadly, “Peeta, you’re an incredible person. I’ve had so much fun with you this week. But love isn't really a luxury I can afford.” She looked out into the darkening sky and continued, “I watched love steal my mother’s soul right out of her. I'm afraid that losing my father when I was a kid and my mother’s resulting neglect broke me in some way. I got stuck, or something. I love Prim with all my heart, but I can't help that. I love Gale, all the Hawthornes, but I couldn't love Gale the way he wanted me to. It’s like some vital connection inside me got severed and I was left like this, you know?” She slapped her hand against her stomach and I hated to see even her be unkind to herself.

I turned to her, “I love you like this. I guess that's the point. The world is an unpredictable place. I don't know what's going to happen. What I do know is how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you. Believe me, it isn't predicated on how you feel back. And I know that probably scares you or makes you uncomfortable, but it isn't a demand or plea for you to feel the same way. It is a gift. The best thing I have to offer, really.”

She fidgeted, “So, fuck, Peeta, you’re saying you'll just love me regardless of what I do?”

“Yeah, I am. The way I feel about you doesn't depend on how you feel about me. Loving you has been the best part of my life, maybe it's the best part of me. What I've learned this week is that it can be better. But only if you want that too. If you don't, I understand. I'll just go on loving you however I want. You don't even have to know about it." I grinned and shrugged, trying to show her it was okay.

“Dammit, Peeta. You fucking deserve more than that! You deserve a girl that can love you back the right way.” She looked pissed or sad, her eyes were glassy.

I felt the fear clawing up from my stomach, demanding that I retreat, make a joke, turn away. But I held ground and admitted my truth. “Too bad, I don't love those girls. So I guess what I'm saying is, when I told you I'd take whatever you wanted to give me, I meant it. But I also need you to know that I want you. I want to build a life with you, and maybe, someday, a family with you. I want us to face this world together, hand in hand. But if that doesn't happen, I’ll still love you. Because these are my feelings. Mine. I have grown them, and fed them and they are strong. Probably the strongest thing about me. I am plagued by self doubt, all the fucking time, but I never doubt my feelings for you. They're my true north. Loving you is what makes me know I'm not broken, that I've got something good to offer, something beautiful and pure inside me.”

She was staring at me in that way I’d always dreamed, like I was the only thing that mattered. But she also looked baffled. I should have stopped there, but I pressed on, abashed to be so emotionally naked before her.

“It’s not a weakness,” I shook my head, “or maybe it is, but it’s a strength too. I want you. I can live without you, but I don’t want to. Something vital inside me falls into place when we’re together. I feel whole. Fortified. Content. I feel alive in a way I never have. I want good things. I want to make the world a better place.” I sighed, this was clearly getting away from me. “I love you and I think we could be great together.”

She looked sad, disappointed almost. “I don’t know what together means. It scares the shit out of me and makes me certain I’ll screw up. I don’t want to do that to you. Seriously, Peeta, what do you mean? Can you explain it to me? Do you even know?”

Did I? If I peeled back the obvious: the sex, the romance, the undeniable attraction, what did I want? I wanted her partnership. I wanted to be allowed to settle into her and hold her up. To need her and support her. I wanted to be comfortable with her and worship her from a place of safety. I wanted to love her with all my considerable might. I wanted to stop obsessing, because it was no longer necessary. Because we needed each other. 

“I just want to love you.” She looked down, like I was handing her a burden. How could I explain this without crushing her under the avalanche of my love? So I stripped back even more. I took a deep breath and tipped her chin up to meet my eyes, “To start, I want to curl up on the couch with you and watch a movie.” She narrowed her eyes before crinkling her nose it that way that made my heart melt. 

“Be serious Peeta. This is important.”

“Oh, I know it is. And I want a million things with you, a lifetime of things, but if I had to pick one right now, that would be it.” I searched my heart and realized that this was actually true. I wanted all of the other things too, but maybe she was rubbing off on me. And maybe wanting one thing at a time just made more sense.

She eyed me warily, but seemed to relax. Nodding she said, “That sounds pretty good. Wait, what movie?”

“Whatever you want.” Then I added, “Except no slasher films or anything where animals are imperiled. I don’t like to be stressed on movie night.” It was a little embarrassing to admit but if I didn’t tell her who I was, how would she ever know if she actually wanted me? And before I could process what was happening, she had surged up and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing herself against me. 

“Can we make out after the movie?” She slid her fingers into the curls at the back of my neck.

I rolled my eyes and asked incredulously, “Do you honestly think I can wait until the end of the movie?”

She was chewing on her bottom lip, but her eyes were clear and unguarded as she looked up at me. Then she was grinning as she said, “Yes. I want that too, Peeta. It’s a date.”

I pressed my forehead against hers, wanting to fall into the galaxy of her eyes. “Thank god.” 

She levered up on her toes and pressed her lips to mine. “Now, can we go enjoy our last night in Hawaii as God intended: naked?” 

She didn’t have to ask me twice. 

We didn’t turn on any lights as we slowly undressed each other. There was something new in this, something achingly tender. I wasn’t anxious as I looked into her eyes, silvery in the waning moonlight and I smiled into her skin. I didn’t try to hide myself. Because honestly, it was too late for that. 

“What?” she whispered, as I laid her back on the bed, her hair fanned out like the swirling night against the white pillow.

“Nothing,” I sighed, as I blanketed her with my body, touching every inch of her skin. “I’m just happy.” 

“Oh,” she moaned, as I licked the hollow of her throat, “Is that all?”

“Yes,” I chuckled, as I sat back and rolled a condom over my length.

She stilled my hand, “You don’t need to. ”I laced our fingers together pinning them beside her head. 

“I’ll always protect you. In every way I can.” I whispered into her skin.

“We’ll protect each other,” she mummered, breath hitching as I ran my fingers through her wet folds, spreading her open for me. 

“Yes,” I breathed as I pushed into the warm, wet heat of her. 

“Yes,” she moaned, wrapping her strong legs around my thighs to pull me deeper into her. And that was the last coherent thing she said.

If I wanted this to last, I was going to have change positions. Pushing into her writhing body felt too good. I flipped her over onto her stomach and pulled up her up so she was kneeling in front of me with her back pressed against my chest. I sat back on my heels and positioned her so that she was straddling my lap as I pushed into her from behind. She let out a long, keening moan as I started to move. Wrapping one arm around her chest to anchor her to me, I slid the other down her stomach until I found her clit. She turned her head and kissed me softly, and the intimacy nearly stole the breath from my lungs. 

She was rocking hard against me, speeding up to match her panting breaths and little grunts of pleasure. She was pushing her chest so hard against my arm, my bicep was cramping up. Knowing I couldn’t hold my orgasm at bay much longer, I let her drop forward onto all fours, grabbed her hips and began to thrust into her hard. Bracing my weight on my cramped-up arm, the discomfort slowing the pleasure barreling down my spine, I snaked my other hand between her legs and continued to rub her clit. 

“Fuck, yes, oh god, Peeta… more, yes, ughn!” she gasped, straining to meet my rhythm and thrust back against me. I barked out her name as the sensation spread like molten honey from my chest, down my stomach, lower, settling warm and heavy in my balls. The orgasm engulfed every one of my senses; I was nothing but a pinwheel of pleasure spinning in a universe of pure love for her.

When I returned to my body, I found Katniss collapsed on her elbows below me, emitting small plaintive moans as her pussy pulsed around me. 

I crashed down on the bed beside her, rolling her boneless body against my chest. She reached up and ran her hand across my sweat-slick brow and into my hair. 

Her voice was tight and raspy when she whispered against my cooling skin, “Promise me you won’t leave when it gets hard.”

I tipped her chin up so I could look into her eyes as I said fervently, “I promise.”

She nodded, never breaking eye contact. Licking her kiss-swollen lips, she brushed them against mine, a mere whisper of a kiss, before turning over in my arms and cuddling into my embrace. I held her close as her breaths evened out. She felt so unbelievably right in my arms.

For the first time in a long time, maybe even for the first time ever, I felt pretty sure that everything was going to be okay. I brushed her hair away from her face with reverent fingers and whispered, "I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever."

“Mmmm,” she hummed sleepily. “Okay, I’ll allow it,” as she slipped off to sleep. I would stand sentry at the gates of her dreams and protect her. For as long as she’d have me, I’d love her with everything I was worth. 

Xxxxxx

I woke up early the next morning, with Katniss’ perfect, bare ass still nestled against me. She felt deliciously warm against my chest. I kept my eyes closed as I took a quick assessment. I replayed last night in head and found that I regretted nothing. Whatever today brought, whatever happened when we got home, I had been honest with her and true to myself. It felt really good.

Cracking one eye open, I leaned forward to brush a kiss on her naked shoulder and saw that she was awake and staring at the picture I had drawn the night before. Without looking away from the image, she reached back and cupped my face with her delicate hand. She dragged those lovely fingertips along my stubbled cheek before she returned it to the drawing. I watched as she traced a finger over her five-year old likeness, her hair in two braids instead of one, standing on a stool in her red plaid dress, head thrown back and eyes closed, mouth round as she started to sing.

“Katniss, since you were five years old and you stood up on that stool in the music assembly and sang the valley song, I’ve wanted to walk through this world with you. I promise to hold your hand no matter what and never let go.”

She nodded slowly, like she was letting it seep in. Carefully placing the picture beside the bed, she turned towards me, mischief glinting through the tears in her eyes. “So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?”

“How much time do you have? I asked, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tight against me.

“For you? As much as you need.”

I jumped up and pulled her up after me, heading for the shower. “Good, there’s something I’ve been wanting to try.”

She placed a kiss between my shoulder blades, then darted around me, beating me to the shower. 

After we were both thoroughly sated and waterlogged, we started to pack. We were both quiet as we gathered our sparse belongings and readied ourselves to say goodbye to this place. 

Watching her place each piece of clothing in her old army-green rucksack was like a cliff-notes version of our vacation. As she folded the salmon-colored sundress she had worn to the luau, I glanced towards the bed where she had pulled it over her head before she slid her white cotton panties down slender legs to give me the first precious glimpse of her mouthwatering pussy. Then the worn sleepshirt that she slipped on right before she taught me to braid her hair. Next, the hallowed sky-blue bikini top that conjured the tantalizing memory of sticky orange juice sliding down her stomach to pool in her belly button. As I absently shoved a shirt into my own bag, my fingers registered the foreign feel of polyester. I looked into my bag to see the crumpled little mermaid costume I’d been wearing the first time she kissed me. 

I squeezed my eyes closed to ward off the despair, telling myself there were other outfits, other experiences awaiting us. My mind snagged on that worn, dark gray cardigan sweater that she always wore back home when the weather turned cold. The one with the fraying wrist that she always carefully folded back throughout her Friday night shift and the small irridescent buttons that pulled slightly across her breasts. I loved that sweater. I took several deep breaths. 

I caught myself before a wave of sadness that this incredible trip was coming to an end could drag me under. I quickly consoled myself by imagining that the next time we would return to Hawaii would be for our real honeymoon, her pearl-encrusted lace dress already taking shape in my mind. But before I let my mind spiral out into this fantasy, I realized that by jumping ahead to these huge theoretical events I was skipping so many wonderful day-to-day parts of a life with Katniss that I coveted. Like that sweater. I wanted to experience every detail. I wanted to relax into this life and experience everything it had in store. Both the good and the bad, because with Katniss by my side, I wanted all of it. 

There was a tentative knock on the glass door, and I turned to see Konani with his hand pressed tightly over his eyes and a sheepish smile. “Is it safe?” he asked cheekily as I opened the door. “We just wanted to make sure you didn’t leave before saying goodbye.”

I looked over his shoulder and saw the whole entourage of beach kids standing below our deck. Katniss slid past me, linking her arm over Konani’s shoulder as she made her way down to be engulfed in a group hug.

I snached my sketchbook and followed her out. I sat on the stair where I had first met this ragtag group of little people and quickly sketched a cartoonish representation of their gang. Liliquoi wrapped herself around my neck and didn’t seem willing to let go until I placed the drawing into her hands. She kissed my cheek and ran off towards the trees, with all of the others running behind her hollering to let them see it.

As Katniss turned to go back inside to finish her packing, she glanced over her shoulder and met my eyes with a questioning gaze. 

“I’m packed,” I said, “you go ahead. I’ll be in in a minute.” She nodded, seeming grateful for the few minutes of privacy. I walked along the seam where the beach met the jungle and picked a handful of red and yellow flowers from vines that dripped from the trees. With hands full of blossoms, I made my way to the sea. 

As the small waves lapped at my feet, I thought about all of the versions of myself that I had been throughout my life: the abused son, the meek brother, the inadequate boyfriend, the insecure man, the passive adult. As I stood at the water's edge, I tossed a brightly-colored flower out into the surf as I said thank you and goodbye to each one of those guys. Because while I was ready to shed those versions of myself like snakeskin, they had gotten me this far. But I was ready to cast my emotional baggage into the sea and return home a new man. A man that was going to prove everyday that he was worthy of Katniss Everdeen.

When I walked back through the empty bungalow, Katniss was standing outside the front door, her pack slung over her shoulder and duffle bag laying at her feet. Her eyes were cloudy and she somehow looked smaller than usual I as walked out to meet her.

“What is it?” I asked, fearing the answer, but needing to let her be honest with me. Real meant all of it, even the hard stuff. 

“I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to hold onto this feeling when we get home.” That made two of us.

“I’ll remind you.” I smiled hopefully, then offered, “We’re just going to have to figure it out together. We’ll take it one day at a time, okay?”

She looked relieved. “Okay.” She shook her head, looking away. “I don’t know if I explained it right last night, but the idea of forever feels like quicksand to me. Maybe it’s because I watched my mother mourn every one of the plans that died with my dad, but the idea of planning for the future makes me… sweaty.”

It wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. I could have added squirmy and pale to the sweaty description and it would have perfectly captured the discomfort she exhibited every time we talked about anything future-related. But I was so grateful that she was talking to me about it. 

She continued, “I know it’s weird. I know it hurts people. It’s why Gale and I didn’t work, well one of the reasons, anyway. But,” she looked nervously back up at me, “I don’t want this, us,” she gestured between us, “to end when we get off the plane. I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck it up” 

I met her eyes, but it was hard. “So much of my life has been unpleasant,” I admitted. “I’ve dealt with that by daydreaming about my future. I admit that sometimes I get kinda lost in that fantasy world. What if,” I reached for her hand, unable to keep myself from touching her for even a second longer, “I try to cool it with the future talk and, in addition to our movie date, you promise to let me cook you dinner tomorrow night.”

“Prim too?” she asked. As if I could ever say no to anything she wanted.

“Of course, Prim too.” I said, placing a kiss on her forehead and sliding her bag off her shoulder and onto mine. 

“K.” She leaned into me, placing a kiss on my t-shirt just above my heart. “Let’s get some breakfast first, I’m weak from hunger.” 

I reached for her hand. Smiling to myself, I looked forward to a lifetime of keeping Katniss Everdeen from starving, in every way I could.


	14. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss spend their last morning together in Hawaii before heading to airport for their trip home.
> 
> "How the fuck to do you think of these things?” she asked. “How have I been showering my entire life and never known water could make me feel like that?” She looked almost pissed and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
> 
> “I have an active imagination and a great shower head at home if you’re ever feeling particularly filthy.” I couldn’t help putting in a plug for future opportunities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the "Contrast" prompt for d12drabbles on Tumblr. Unending gratitude to @xerxia31 for betaing on psychotically short notice (again). This is kind of another halfsies chapter. I hope it’s better than nothin’! I apologize for taking so long to cross post it here, but the good news is that you'll get two updates on AO3 this week.

Katniss and I ordered breakfast, and as I loaded up a plate with fruit for us to share from the buffet I saw Glimmer’s philanderer/Marvel’s worst man leaning over Katniss. Incredibly, he seemed to be hitting on her, again and right in front of me. He was several inches taller than me and appeared to have been spawned by Vikings, but I was going to get him away from her or die trying.

But, as I should have expected, he had already switched gears and was pointing angrily at Katniss as he hissed, “Enjoy your nice boring life, but I promise that in a couple of days, a month tops, you’re going to be crying into your pillow that you missed your shot with me.”

Katniss rolled her lovely eyes and stared past him like he didn’t even exist. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love her more, but there it was, my heart near bursting with adoration and admiration. I placed the plate down between us as I leaned into tease her, “Here you go. Now, what was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me…no competition…best thing that ever happened to you…“

“I don’t remember that last part,” she said.

“Oh, that’s right. That what I was thinking,” I say, grinning at her. 

Without looking down, she skewered a slice of pineapple with her fork and responded, “You go ahead and keep telling yourself that.” Then, without breaking eye contact, her pink tongue slid out as she licked the juice dripping from the fruit before sucking it into her mouth. My body responded immediately, and I couldn’t stop the small moan that escaped my throat.

One side of her mouth quirked up in a seductive half smile as she went for another slice, this time with her fingers. Two could play this game. I grabbed her hand and brought it my lips. I drew the fruit and two of her fingers into my mouth, sucking the juice and caressing her sensitive fingertips with my tongue. She closed her eyes and her lips parted as she took in a slow breath. For one frenzied moment, I longed to shove everything off the table and lay her across it. I wondered if she’d like it. And now I was hard at the breakfast table surrounded by hotel guests. I was depraved for this girl.

With her fingers still pressed against my lips, we heard the sharp sound of a throat being cleared beside us. Effie Trinket, sheathed in a violently purple outfit today, stood next to our table with a slightly disapproving air. Katniss yanked her hand back and buried it in her lap. I almost laughed as she shot me an accusing look, her face flaming red. She was such a dichotomy of pure and reserved in public and an uninhibited sex-goddess in private. I loved it.

“Mr. and Mrs. Everdeen, I’m glad to see you’re enjoying your last morning with us,” Effie chirped. “I have a small parting gift for you both.” She took the two fragrant leis from where they hung on her forearm and placed them around our necks. She then produced a letter-sized leather portfolio that she handed to me. “We generally choose a more traditional commemoration, but it appears that you missed many of our recommended group activities during your stay.” She cleared her throat again, broadcasting her general disapproval of us shirking our social duties. “We hope you’ll return to relive your honeymoon experience with us in the years to come. I wish you a lifetime of happiness together.” You and me both, Effie, you and me both.

She nodded curtly and left the table. I lifted the cover of the portfolio to find a framed photograph from the luau. It must have been taken as we were entering the lanai. I was in full Little Mermaid regalia with a giant grin on my face, and Katniss was holding my hand peering up at me with what appeared to be pride shining in her silver eyes. I snorted out a laugh and handed it across the table to Katniss. She grinned at me and said, “Why, Mr. Everdeen, don’t you look lovely?” Then with a mischievous glint in her eye she added, “ I love that Effie had to frame this, it must have made her crazy.”

“You think I’m embarrassed? That’s totally going on the wall.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely.” I knew my brothers would have a field day with the image of me in drag, but it would be worth it to see that look on her face anytime I wanted. I shoved the picture into my bag.

She rolled her eyes at me then asked, “I know we’re packed up, but do you think we have time for one last quick swim?”

That sounded perfect. “I’ll go check us out to spare you another encounter with your favorite Ms. Trinket,” I offered. “Then I”ll meet you down at the beach.”

I made it through checkout without any Effie run-ins. I was walking past the front desk, when the small gift shop caught my eye. Realizing I still hadn’t gotten Marvel a thank you gift (other than the photo I’d taken that would hopefully function as “Glimmer-repellent” for the rest of his life) and wanting a pack of gum for the flight, I headed into the shop. I grabbed a tacky bottle of coconut rum for Marvel, which somehow seemed fitting, and went straight to the counter, not wanting to miss much of my remaining beach time with Katniss. And there, beneath the glass countertop, was a necklace with a solitary pearl the exact color of Katniss’ luminous eyes. I didn’t even hesitate.

Tucking the gifts into my luggage, I walked the long way down to the beach, by way of the cascading pool, and remembered Finnick and my flight down this path away from the scary pool-dwellers. It seemed ridiculous that I had ever been jealous of Finnick’s attentions towards Katniss, when he had so obviously found the love of his life in Annie. I felt my breathing become shallow as I hoped against hope that I would be as lucky.

Having surrendered the keys to the front desk, I tossed my bag, lei and shoes up onto the deck. From my vantage point on the beach, I took in the glass doors, opaque in the reflected sun. It was hard to believe that the little bungalow would go on housing other guests, oblivious to the fact that so many of my dreams had come true in that perfect little space. I missed it already.

I felt an overwhelming sense of panic clawing its way up my throat and I took a deep breath in through my nose, forcing it down. I closed my eyes and focused on grounding myself in this moment. I dug my toes into the warm, gritty sand. I felt the sun beating down on me, tightening the skin on my shoulders. I smelled the floral perfume and underlying tinge of decay on the breeze. I listened to the whisper of the waves on the shore, steady and repetitive like a heartbeat. And I felt myself relax as the panic dissipated like the petals in the surf. I was going to be okay. Whatever happened when we got home, we had had this time together. We had made a real connection. I hoped we’d be brave enough to take the next steps in our lives together, but I’d be okay knowing I had really tried. For the first time in my life, I’d had the balls to tell her how I felt about her. It felt good.

I saw Katniss out way past the wave break and took a moment to watch her form cutting through the water as she swam. I walked out into the ocean, feeling it’s cool embrace calm me further. When the water reached my navel, I laid back, letting the sea support me. That was another vast improvement in my life, I had, at least kinda, learned to swim. I closed my eyes and began to compose a painting in my mind. I was looking forward to getting home to my paints.

I felt the slight displacement of water more than I heard her approach, and I cracked open an eye to glance over at her floating next to me.

“Look at you, you’re practically Poseidon.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Practically.” I agreed, grinning, but not wanting to turn my head too far and upset the fragile balance I had struck with the sea.

She reached out and laced her small fingers with mine. And as we floated there together in quiet companionship, her hair gently caressing my shoulder, I felt that certainty settle into the hollow place somewhere deep inside me. I felt an overwhelming contentment blossom in my chest and spread like warm molasses to the very tips of my being. And I realized that no matter what happened next, this experience had been everything I could have dreamed.

She stood up next to me, casting a shadow over my face as she whispered, “It’s probably time to get going.” I could hear the reluctance in her voice and smiled as her lips met mine. I melted into the kiss, chasing her lips as she pulled away, but managing not to drown myself this time. That was a definite improvement.

We walked back to shore and as I watched her droplet-flecked back, perfect ass and long, sleek legs emerge from the water I felt that familiar throb of lust reverberate through me. I followed her up to the outdoor shower. She glanced up at me as we passed the hot tub and I hoped she felt the echo of my tongue on her clit. I had to have her one more time. Whatever being home meant for us, I wanted one more shot at convincing her she wanted more of me.

She pulled the canvas curtain closed and turned on the shower. When I stepped under the warm spray, pressing up against her, her eyes were molten. Despite it only having been an hour or two since our last shower together, I was hard and ready.

I peeled the wet bathing suit down her shoulders, tracing the newly exposed skin with my mouth, sucking on each of her taut nipples and appreciating her hiss of pleasure with each pull on her sensitive flesh. Her hands were sliding down my shorts, over my ass and I pulled away from her just long enough for both of us to kick off our suits.

“Peeta, we can’t,” she gasped between kisses. “It’s broad daylight.” She caught my wrist as I cupped her between her legs but then she ground down against my palm as I growled into her ear, “You’ll just have to be quiet.”

“Always so bossy,” she sighed as I spun her around. She groaned as I pressed her chest into the cold tile.

I couldn’t deny the extra thrill that coursed through me with the knowledge that we could get caught. I knew the chances of someone opening a closed shower curtain were slim, but we were outside and the possibility that someone could see me making her feel this good made my stomach clench in anticipation.

I widened my stance so I could nestle my cock between her legs. I didn’t have a condom so I was going to have to keep my head about me to make sure I didn’t get too enthusiastic with my thrusting. I had hooked up with a girl in college that had taught me the many uses for a good shower head. I sent her a mental wink as I detached this one from its cradle.

Using one hand I spread her open, I brought the shower head down against her clit. She moaned as the spray made contact, and she pushed her ass back, further sheathing my aching cock between her slick thighs. I moved the shower head in small, tight circles over her clit and she chased the stimulation, grinding against me deliciously in the process.

“Fuck, I’m close,” she said, her voice high and breathy, “Peeta, I need you inside me.”

“Can’t. No condom,” I ground out. The combination of the need in her voice and her begging for my cock was propelling me to the very edge.

“Fuck, please!” she gasped and with a grunt. I threw caution to the wind and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her ass back as I thrust into her. I pressed the shower head hard against her clit, knowing I couldn’t hold on for long. She sucked in a breath and bit down on her arm, her whole body convulsing as her orgasm ripped through her.

I thrust hard a few times to prolong her pleasure, a series of small plaintive cries escaped from where her face was still pressed against her arm, as she pulsed around me. She bent forward, resting her forehead against the cool tile and I couldn’t take anymore, so I pulled out and rested my throbbing cock just above her ass as I watched the white ropes of come bloom across the dark skin of her back.

Sucking in huge gulps of air, I wrapped both my arms around her stomach and kissed her between her shoulder blades as my heart rate ratcheted down. I kissed my way up her back to her neck as I pulled her pliant body against my chest and returned the shower head to its cradle so it could wash us clean. Her eyes were still closed and her stomach still clenching erratically as she twisted around and met my lips in a kiss.

“How the fuck to do you think of these things?” she asked. “How have I been showering my entire life and never known water could make me feel like that?” She looked almost pissed and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I have an active imagination and a great shower head at home if you’re ever feeling particularly filthy.” I couldn’t help putting in a plug for future opportunities.

Her eyes snapped open as she said, “Crap, what time is it? We’ve probably got to hurry. I’m not even sure we’re still allowed to use the shower.” She looked worried and I kissed the furrow between her eyes to soothe it.

“We should get dressed, but I’m sure we’re fine on time.” Reluctantly, I turned off the shower and handed her a towel from the shelf by the hot tub. She toweled off quickly and began to dress. Pulling on my khaki shorts and short-sleeved button up, I was dressed in less than a minute. I walked up behind Katniss as she was pulling her shirt over her head and slipped the pearl necklace around her neck, fastening it with shaking fingers. She reached up, grasping the pearl between her fingers. She looked over she shoulder, apprehension in her eyes. “Peeta…”

I cut her off, “I saw it and couldn’t help myself. It’s for you.” I saw the protest forming behind her eyes, so I added a quiet, “Please?”

She nodded and ran the pearl between her fingers. I turned away to grab our bags, afraid every line of my love and need would be etched across my face.

We walked down the back stairs of the deck and around to the front of the house. Finnick and Annie were sitting on the low wall that flanked the walkway holding hands.

“We told your driver we’d give you a lift to the airport. Hope that’s alright.” He grinned at us, then kissed Annie’s hand and stood.

I clasped his other hand and said, in a voice I hoped wasn’t too choked with emotion, “Thanks, man, we really appreciate it.”

Katniss walked past me and was embraced in a Finnick and Annie group hug, before Finnick slung his arm around her shoulders and began talking animatedly about something hunting related as they walked towards the car.

I took a deep breath and started slowly up the path behind them. I fought the urge to turn around and look back. I knew what was behind me. I had already started composing the picture I would paint when I got home. The question was, what was before me? I needed to stop fearing what was to come and embrace whatever unfolded. Because, whatever happened next, I had been true to myself. I threw my shoulders back, jogged the distance between us to catch up to my friends, staring determinedly towards my future.


	15. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss say goodbye to their new friends, fly home from Hawaii and experience their first relationship turbulence on home soil. (Sorry for the flight pun, I’m tired.) 
> 
> 'I didn’t get a chance to answer, because Katniss appeared silently beside me, making me jump. She was standing so close, my skin erupted in goosebumps as her warm breath hit my neck. She asked quietly, “Hey, Peeta, can you help me with something for a sec.”
> 
> I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the knot of longing that was thickening my voice as I answered, “Yeah, sure.” I couldn’t keep from staring into her magnetic eyes as I added, “Anything.”'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for the d12drabbles "Jealousy" prompt. Great prompt, @d12drabbles ladies! Thanks again for all of your hard work. And speaking of hard work, @xerxia’s excellent beta-ing this week kept Peeta from walking around work with his schlong hanging out. We both thank you for keeping us from embarrassing ourselves. *blows kisses*

When we got to Finnick’s car to make our way to the airport, we found Johanna lounging across the backseat. “Took you long enough,” she mumbled, but barely scooted over when Katniss slid into the seat so they were snuggled up against each other. Katniss elbowed Johanna in the ribs and Johanna yanked her braid before they looked at each other and broke into manic grins. As I settled in on Johanna’s other side, she slung an arm around me and I was relieved to find that I wasn’t the slightest bit distressed to have been separated from Katniss. In fact, this time, having Johanna between us felt like an acknowledgement that Katniss and I were a couple and equally important to our mutual friend.

I took a moment to appreciate the fact that we had made mutual friends! If she missed Annie’s otherworldly calm, I would be the only one who could really commiserate. Prim wouldn’t know how quickly Johanna could get Katniss’ goat. Gale wouldn’t know how frickin’ loud and infectious Finnick’s laugh was. The thrill that we shared something so basic, yet extravagant as mutual friends made me shiver.

The drive to the airport was full of laughter, stories shouted over Finnick’s ridiculously loud car, and far too short. I watched Katniss, perched on the very edge of the backseat, her arm slung over the front seat, loose strands of hair whipping around her beautiful face, head thrown back in cackling laughter as Finnick recounted our introduction to Johanna at gunpoint. I thought my heart would burst from the happiness of it. I felt my mind pull to anticipated pain of losing this and yanked myself back into this perfect moment.

When we parked at the departures gate, a solemness descended, despite our best efforts. Johanna presented Katniss with the most exquisite green and magenta orchid that was the size of a salad plate. “I seem to recall you speculating on what I was doing out in the boonies that required a shotgun. I grow orchids, brainless. But to be honest, the shotgun’s mostly for fun.” Johanna slid the freakishly beautiful flower behind Katniss’ ear and I took a picture of Katniss that I suspected I would treasure for the rest of my life. Then Johanna took the flower back explaining that they’d never let it through customs. She looked a little protective of it and I found myself loving the idea that she spent her days tending to exotic plants.

Katniss and I pulled our bags out of the car. I held out my hand to Finnick, which he batted away in mock exasperation and he pulled me into a tight hug. I spoke into his stupidly toned shoulder, “Thanks for being such a good friend. You and Annie are incredible people, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to know you. If you ever find yourself in District 12, promise you’ll visit.”

“We’re going to miss you too. And, I’ve got a good feeling about you two.” He pulled back, glancing over at where Annie was still hugging Katniss, “And, more importantly, so does Annie. And she knows things, man.” I chuckled, but honestly felt better knowing that Annie’s spooky intuition was on our side.

When I hugged Annie, she reminded me to “just breathe.” It sounded so easy when she said it.

After several air kisses and an entirely unnecessary parting view of Finnick’s bare ass as he mooned us goodbye, we checked in at the gate. Despite the fact that we were still engulfed in the oppressive humidity, it already felt like we’d started the trip home. Abruptly, Katniss pulled me away from the boarding queue to an alcove behind a plumeria tree. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply in through her nose as if capturing a breath full of Hawaiian air to take home with her. “Peeta, if I get weird and distant when we get home, ‘cause I can already feel myself trying to convince myself this isn’t real…” I resisted the urge to pull her to me, to kiss away her every doubt, forcing myself to be still, patient. She opened her eyes and took my hand, “I need you to know I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve had the best week of my life and… No matter what happens, I will always treasure this.”

“It has been pretty amazing, hasn’t it?” I want to talk about next time, about how we could come here on our real honeymoon and our fifth, tenth, fifteenth anniversaries, but stopped myself. “I understand that it’s going to be a transition when we get home, and I’ll do my best to give you as much space as you need. But know that it’s going to be really hard for me to keep my hands off you.” I ran a finger down the side of her face along her jaw until I could tip her chin up and place a petal soft kiss on her lips. “Nearly impossible,” I murmured.

She smiled against my lips. Wrapping her arms around my back, she nuzzled her face into my neck. I had to grit my teeth to keep from snapping at the airline employee when, staring directly at me, she loudly stated that it was the final boarding opportunity.

As we boarded the plane and took our seats, I resisted the panic that was threatening to constrict my throat. I closed my eyes and took those deep breaths Annie had suggested.

“Now look who’s nervous about flying,” Katniss bumped me with her shoulder. But as the engines whined to life, making the plane shudder, she grabbed my hand and squeezed.

“Hmmm, what should we make today?” Mentally preparing chocolate-chip cookies had done the trick of distracting her on the flight here, but I had something else in mind. “Or would you prefer a story?”

“Story.” Her eyes were wide with fear and she had gone monosyllabic.

I started with the first thing that jumped into my mind. I leaned over so I was speaking quietly in her ear and began, “Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy.” Katniss closed her eyes, a small smile playing against her lips as she rested her head against my shoulder.

When Katniss and I were in fifth grade, if our class was good and finished our morning lessons, our teacher, Mr. Blackwood, would read to us out of a chapter book every afternoon. One of the books he read to us that year, was C.S. Lewis’ “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.” It was one of the first books to have enthralled me. My dad had purchased me an illustrated copy at a garage sale. Most of the illustrations were small, simple black and white pen sketches nestled amongst the words. But every twenty pages or so, an intricate, full page color painting would appear. The first one in this particular version of the story depicted the White Witch and her snow-white reindeer drawn sledge driven by a fat, unhappy dwarf. In the caption accompanying the painting, the self-proclaimed Queen of Narnia was described as having skin so white that it was not merely pale, but “white like snow or paper or icing sugar” and I recalled my fingers itching to mix paints that captured such a magical thing.

Katniss’ father died that year and I remembered watching her transition from a lively, whip-smart girl, to a sunken, dull version of herself. When her father was alive, Katniss would scurry in from lunch and perch on the very edge of her seat, eyes wide as she leaned into every word of the story. After his death, she spent our storytime with her head on her desk, pillowed by her ever-thinner arms.

While I secretly identified the most with the brave, curious, kind-hearted Lucy, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Edmund. Being the youngest, I understood how it felt to have little power in your family, or anywhere really. I learned early on that I had to adapt, to move around obstacles like a stream around a boulder. One of the things I loved most about Katniss was how she met everything head on, refusing to go limp and move around things that stood in her way. I adored her unyielding fierceness. It terrified me to see her shrinking into herself that year. I recall longing to take her hand and disappear into Narnia together. I knew we could make it there. We’d get along famously with Mr. Tumnus and I’d figure out how to make her all of the Turkish Delight she could ever have wanted.

And that’s what this plane flight felt like: we were leaving Narnia, traveling through the ether back home. Would the rules change on that side of the wardrobe? Would the realities of our real lives tear us apart? I drew in a sharp breath and glanced down at Katniss. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder and the unintended parallel between this and our trip to Hawaii, heightened the fantastical feeling.

Very carefully, without jostling her, I maneuvered my sketchpad out of my bag. I worked on recreating that beautiful painting of the White Witch to pass the time. I relished the weight of her head on my shoulder, even though it made it challenging to hold the pad.

Several hours into the flight, Katniss startled awake, sucking in a sharp breath before her eyes focused and narrowed on me.

“Peeta, you should have woken me earlier,“ Katniss snapped.

“For what? Nothing’s going on here,” I said. “Besides, I like watching you sleep. You don’t scowl. Improves your looks a lot.”

This, of course, brought on a scowl that made me grin. But rather than jibing me back, she looked annoyed. She got up to use the bathroom, climbing over my seat without giving me a chance to move out of her way. The stewardess kneeled down in the aisle beside me. She asked about the drawing and was enthusiastically gushing over it when Katniss returned.

“Excuse me,” Katniss said, shards of ice grating her voice. The stewardess and I both glanced up at her, startled by her tone. The stewardess squeezed my arm and thanked me for sharing my picture. I felt oddly uncomfortable with the attention when Katniss flopped back in her seat, angling her body away from me.

“Everything okay?” I asked tentatively, not understanding why she seemed upset.

“Fine. I just shouldn’t have fallen asleep. I have to work at Abernathy’s tonight and it’s going to be hard enough to adjust to the time change without having taken a nap.” She tugged on the end of her braid and I longed to reach for her hand.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that Haymitch texted me this morning asking if I could cover Leevy’s shift. So…” I had been pretty excited when I got the text, thinking it would be nice to prolong our time together. Now it felt as if I should have asked her if she’d mind.

It felt like time was careening away from me. Something had shifted between us and I was desperate to gain that ground back. We were starting the descent towards landing. I glanced over at Katniss and she was staring out the window, chewing her lip in a way that made me think she was feeling something similar. I offered a stick of gum for her ears and she accepted it, but it didn’t bridge the gap. I reached for her hand and she took it, squeezing hard, without glancing away from the window. I had no idea what was going on in her head, but based on the set of her eyes, it was tumultuous.

Once we landed, I reached for her bag, but she had already hoisted it up on her shoulder. As I followed her out of the airport, I was further disconcerted to see that the sky was already darkening. I remembered that we lost five hours of our day traveling this direction and it exacerbated the feeling of displacement I’d been experiencing since we boarded the plane.

A moment later, I heard a shriek of excitement and caught the blur of blond hair as Prim launched herself into Katniss’ arms.

“Welcome home, you two! I can’t wait to hear every stinking detail about your trip!” I couldn’t help grinning at the onslaught of giddy excitement. The next thing I knew, Prim was hugging me too. “Thanks so much for helping my big sis have such an amazing vacation. She’s not very good at enjoying herself.” Prim winked an me and I chuckled.

“It was absolutely my pleasure,” I responded, rubbing the back of my neck. Katniss was having trouble meeting my eyes. I was desperate for some sort of reassurance from her, but it wasn’t forthcoming.

Prim, seeming to sense my discomfort, asked if needed a ride.

“Nah, my brother’s picking me up. Thanks though.” I looked over at Katniss and added, “I’ll see you later at Abernathy’s,” She gave me a tight-lipped smile as she nodded. Prim grabbed one of Katniss’ bags and slung it over her shoulder before lacing the fingers of their free hands together. I wish I had been brave enough to do that.

I made my way out to the bus stop. Of course no one was picking me up. But I felt like I would have been imposing to accept a ride with Prim and Katniss. It was better this way. I had promised to give her the space she needed. I just hadn’t expected it to be so much space so soon.

Our apartment above the bakery was empty when I got home. Part of me felt sorry for myself that no one was there to greet me, but a larger part was relieved to be able to get ready for work in peace.

I showered and dressed in my jeans and worn black Abernathy’s t-shirt. It felt weird to wear socks and shoes, rather than flipflops. I wondered what Katniss had worn to work. And I realized that even though things were tense between us, I was dying to see her.

She was already working when I arrived for my shift. Gale slapped me on the back a little too hard as he offered a less-than-heartfelt, “Welcome back.”

As I tied on my apron, Clove sidled up to me, bumping me with her hip. “So how was your trip?”

“Great.” Katniss had come up to the bar to put in her drink order and I added, never taking my eyes off of her, “It was amazing: warm sunshine, blue ocean… pineapples.” I saw her lip quirk up in a half smile as I echoed the unbelievably lame selling points I had used to convince her to come on this trip with me. That small smile was enough to fuel me with hope.

The night was non-stop busy. I felt like I was running the track between my tables and the bar. I had a table full of drunken bachelorette party girls who wouldn’t stop grabbing my ass. One of them ordered a high-end tequila shot and instead of licking the salt she licked my cheek before sucking on a lime. It was sort of disgusting, but they were having a great time and they tipped well.

At the end of the night, I was refilling the pretzel bowls trying to figure out how to approach Katniss, when Clove grabbed my hand. “Hey, I’d love to hear more about your trip. You want to come by for a nightcap? Tell me all about it?”

I didn’t get a chance to answer, because Katniss appeared silently beside me, making me jump. She was standing so close, my skin erupted in goosebumps as her warm breath hit my neck. She asked quietly, “Hey, Peeta, can you help me with something for a sec.”

I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the knot of longing that was thickening my voice as I answered, “Yeah, sure.” I couldn’t keep from staring into her magnetic eyes as I added, “Anything.”

As I rounded the corner into the kitchen, Katniss pulled me into the storeroom. I nearly tripped over the mop bucket as she spun me so my back was resting against the wall. Then she levered up on her tiptoes and kissed me. Relief washed over me like a tsunami. Thank heavens. Her kisses were fierce and possessive, her tongue stroking mine made my knees weak. And as much I wanted nothing more than to make out with her forever in this closet, I pulled away slightly and asked, “What’s going on, Katniss? I don’t understand what I did wrong.”

She looked down at her feet. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve had a bad day,” she said, chewing the inside of her lip. “I had a terrible dream on the plane, then woke up to you being manhandled by that stewardess.” It took superhuman strength not to roll my eyes.

“What stewardess?” I asked, nuzzling her neck.

She shrugged against me, obstructing my access to her neck. “Then I had to watch that horrible girl lick you.”

“What girl?” I smiled, breathing in the smell of her hair.

She stood rigidly, but I felt her lean slightly into me before she added, “Then Clove with her, ‘how about a nightcap’ routine.” So she had noticed. All of those nights I had looked for some hint of recognition, some glimmer of hope that Katniss didn’t want me to go home with Clove.

“Clove who?” I asked, meeting her eyes.

She planted her palm on my chest, pushing me back. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest and shook her head. “It really sucks, Peeta. This is one of the reasons…” I couldn’t let her finish with “why we wouldn’t work out.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I huffed under my breath. She glanced up at me sharply and I shook my head. “Katniss, you have to know by now… I’m one hundred percent yours.” She glared at me from the corner of her eye, mouth still set in a grim line.

Untangling one of her arms from where they were crossed against her chest, I took her hand and lifted it to my lips. I dragged her fingertips over my kiss-swollen bottom lip as I whispered, “Yours.”

She turned to face me, silver eyes meeting mine as I pulled her hand down to my chest until it was resting over my heart. “Yours.”

Her eyes were wide and her lips parted as she took a small step towards me.

I held onto her wrist, my fingers against her pulse point and I dragged her hand down to grasp my semi over my jeans. I held her hand there as I thrusted gently into her palm. “All yours. As long as you want me.”

Her grip tightened over my cock as she traced the outline of my growing erection. I breathed slowly out of my nose, feeling my nostrils flare with the effort not to react, to give her the time to decide for herself what she wanted without letting my own desires persuade her.

“Mine.” She levered up on her toes to bite my lower lip, running the tip of her tongue over it to soothe the sting. I grunted with the effort of holding myself still.

Her hot breath ghosted over my chest, until she pressed her lips against my sternum. “Mine.”

Her eyes were molten as she held my gaze and dropped to her knees. I immediately missed the press of her hand. But my breath caught and my stomach clenched hard as she ran her wet, pink tongue over the raised outline of my throbbingly hard cock.

I threw my head back and swallowed hard, digging my toes into the soles of my shoes hard enough to ground me.

And that’s when I heard the sound of my zipper descending and knew I was done for. As I watched her lick her way up the underside of my cock from balls to tip, I shuddered, nearly swallowing my tongue at the sensation. I couldn’t look away. It was physically impossible to tear my eyes away from her. I needed to see her, to touch her too, so I dropped to my knees in front of her.

She grabbed a handful of my shirt and pulled me roughly against her. I pressed myself against her spelling out every manic craving I felt for her with my tongue on her skin.

When I leaned back to look into her eyes, she chased my lips, her eyes still closed, her small hand still wrapped around my cock.

“Hmmm, definitely not just the pineapples,” she murmured. And I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Can I come home with you?” I asked, desperate to feel her naked against me.

She shook her head, “Prim’s home.”

I nodded, reluctantly tucking my still hard dick back into my pants. I was suddenly acutely aware that we were in the broom closet at work. I was bummed to stop, but willing to wait as long as it took for the stars to align for us. “We’re still on for dinner tomorrow?” I asked.

She nodded, “Make me something good, Mellark.”

I flashed her a devilish smile, before responding, “Just you wait.” I had plans for her. Lots of them. But I’d start with dinner.


	16. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta prepares dinner for Katniss and Prim. It's Everlark's first date on home soil, what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So this chapter was written (though woefully missed the deadline) for the d12drabbles "First Date" prompt. 
> 
> I appreciate all of you who have stuck with the story and sent me kind messages during my recent rl-induced writing hiatus. It makes all the difference in the world to hear that you're interested in more. 
> 
> Given the state of our world right now, it is a tough time to write fluffy stories. But it is also a vitally important time to embrace (actually to grab with both hands and hold on really tightly to) all that Everlark stands for: "the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.”  
> ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay 
> 
> Everlasting gratitude to Ms. Collins for her storytelling (I own nothing) and to Xerxia for her wisdom, good humor and impeccable beta skills.

Despite operating on only a few hours sleep, I popped out of bed Sunday morning full of energy. I plowed through my bakery work with ease, even messing around with a sweet bread recipe to see if I could recreate those incredible Hawaiian rolls. I was running on true love and it was obviously a renewable resource. 

My brothers could barely tolerate me. I wasn’t entirely sure what was annoying them so much, but as soon as they could, they sent me out to the counter. I didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t often that I got to man the counter, and it was nice to see our regular customers, most of whom asked about my trip and commented on my “moviestar tan” as I bagged their breads and boxed their pastries. The entire world looked sunnier, and I shook my head at myself for the urge I had to lean over the counter and grab old Mrs. Oliver’s liver-spotted hand and tell her all about my new relationship with Katniss. Around the time that I had to massage my cheeks because they were actually sore from how hard I was smiling, I started to get an inkling of what was annoying my brothers. I needed to get a grip before Katniss and Prim came over tonight.

As soon as my shift ended, I retreated upstairs to start the preparations. The realization of how important tonight was had a sobering effect. Having tonight go well was critical for Katniss and my relationship to move forward on the right foot. I forced myself not to start imagining all of the ways the evening could go wrong and instead put all of that nervous energy to work.

I started the marinara sauce from scratch and set it to simmer while I turned my attention to the apartment. 

My oldest brother, Bran, lived with us in name only, essentially living at his girlfriend’s house. He treated our apartment like pitstop, a place to change and shower, but not his home. Rye did the bare minimum of upkeep, but left most of the cleaning to me. So after a week away, the place needed some sprucing up. I put on some Vampire Weekend and began cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. 

By the time I was finished, I was stripped down to a sweaty undershirt and the place was spotless. I checked the sauce, added a bit more wine and cracked pepper and started prepping the rest of the lasagna. It was one of my dad’s old family recipes, and made the place smell like Italian heaven. The lasagna assembled, I turned my attention towards dessert. 

After sliding the cake pan into the oven, I checked the time. I was grateful to see that I had enough time to run through a quick mat workout. I was still buzzing with energy and scared if I didn’t burn some of it off, it would morph into anxiety. I wanted to be excited, a little excitement was good, nervousness was a disaster. I was having trouble identifying the feeling bubbling under my skin. 

I did extra reps of pushups and situps until my muscles were shaking, and my mind started to clear. I was giddy to see Katniss, fucking overjoyed that she was coming over for dinner and bringing Prim. Prim, lovely in her own right, somehow legitimized whatever I was to Katniss. The more I thought about it, the more perfect everything seemed. As I stretched out and the sweat started to cool, that’s when the anxiety started to set in. Actually picturing Katniss and Prim sitting at my dining table enjoying a meal seemed impossible. Family gatherings seething with suppressed rage were my wheelhouse. But a lovely evening at home with my dream girlfriend and her sweet sister felt like it was rife with potential disaster. I shook my head at my own defeatist attitude. I needed a shower. 

As the hot water of the shower washed over me, I wondered briefly if jacking off was a good idea. I did a quick pro/con list in my head. While I was more sexually satisfied since I’d been with Katniss than I had ever been, our interlude in the broom closet had left me buzzing. I was worried that I’d be sporting a boner all evening if I didn’t take matters into my own hands. I also knew that the brain-numbing relaxation effect would be a good call. Jacking off it was!

I ran my hand down my slick stomach and inventoried the vast library of wankable inspiration I had amassed over the past week. The memory of Katniss getting herself off had me instantly hard. The mouthwatering taste of Katniss’ lychee-sweetened pussy as she came against my tongue had me involuntarily groaning at the memory. Taking my rock hard dick in my hand, I braced my other hand against the shower wall as I pushed into my into my soap lathered fist letting my mind conjure the moment I first pushed into Katniss’ lithe body. The way the moonlight reflected in her quicksilver eyes as she stared into my soul. I forced myself to go slowly, teeth clenched and nostrils flaring at the effort not to go hard and fast, to prolong the sweet, tortuous pleasure as I mentally thumbed through my memories. 

When the telltale tingling in my balls announced that my orgasm wasn’t far off, I stopped. Breathing hard, eyes rolling up into my head, I forced my body to savor the electric pulses thrumming up the length of my cock. I made myself delay the pleasure as I would if I was focusing on her needs first. When I’d regained control, I started to move again and the memories scrolled through my mind like a series photographic images: juice pooling in her belly button, her beautiful face silhouetted against the clear blue sky as I floated beneath her, luscious breasts bouncing as she rode me on the private beach, the milky ropes of my come blooming across the dark skin of her back. Finally, I let my hand take over, fisting my rigid cock fast and relentlessly. I came hard to the memory of her gray eyes staring up at me as my cock slid into her hot mouth. I grunted in release, savoring that small window of blissful contentment that followed in the wake an orgasm. As I caught my breath, even as my dick was softening in my hand, I was overwhelmed with how much I wanted her. I shook my head at the relentless desire she had unleashed in me and promised myself that I would show her how much I wanted her every damn minute of every damn day from here on out.

I toweled off and dressed quickly in jeans and a short-sleeved, light blue button up shirt that I’d been complimented on for “making my eyes pop”. Padding barefoot into the kitchen, I pulled the cake out of the oven and replaced it with the lasagna. Just as I finished setting the table, Rye wandered into the kitchen wearing his usual uniform of basketball shorts and a sleeveless jersey, a basketball slung under one arm. 

“What’s going on here?” He asked, in a menacing drawl.

“What does it look like? I’m having some friends over for dinner.” I tried to make it sound as mundane as possible to get him to leave faster.

“You don’t have any ‘come over for dinner’ friends,” he added mockingly. “Wait a minute, is this a date?” He threw the basketball at me and I barely caught it before it hit the table.

“Look, Rye, can you just leave me alone and let me have the evening. Assume whatever scenario gets you out of here quicker.” I lightly tossed the basketball back to him.

“Whatever you say, bro. Have a good night with your imaginary friends.” He mimed whacking off and chuckled to himself as he sauntered out of the room. I stood at the table, apprehensively gripping a fistful of silverware until I heard the front door of our apartment slam closed. 

I hurried into the kitchen to pull the bubbling lasagna from the oven and threw together a simple green salad. The batch of french bread I had baked specially that morning was sliced and ready for the table. I was just surveying the table as I placed the open bottle of red wine in the center when I heard the knock on the door. I took a deep breath and answered it. 

She stood in the doorway, more beautiful than I even remembered. And that was saying something. She wore that peach sundress she had worn to the luau and a pair of brown leather sandals. Her hair was swept to the side in some intricate french braid. I’m not sure how long I stared at her before I registered I hadn’t actually said anything yet.

“Hi,” I whispered, wanting to sweep her up into my arms and never let go. 

She flashed me a small, embarrassed smile, before responding, “Hi. Are you going to invite us in?”

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling my face flush pink as I noticed Prim standing behind her. I hastily stepped back and motioned them in. “Sorry. Please. Sorry.”

Prim gave me a small one-armed hug as she walked in behind Katniss, a bouquet of flowers in her other hand. “Nice to see you again, Peeta. Thanks so much for having us.” She held out the flowers to me, before adding, “For you.”

I laughed, “Thanks, they’re lovely. I don’t think anyone’s ever brought me flowers before.” 

“Well, if whatever you made tastes anywhere near as good as it smells, I promise to bring you more flowers.” Prim grinned up at me and I realized that her nose crinkled up in exactly the same way Katniss’ did. 

I glanced over at where Katniss was standing against the wall and was overwhelmed by the fact that she was actually here, in my house. We stared at each other for a long moment, the air crackling with energy. I was dying to touch her, to kiss her, to feel her tangible and real under my hands. 

Prim made a small snickering sound that she tried to pass off as a cough before taking the flowers back out of my hand. “Why don’t I go put these in some water, while you show Katniss around?” 

I flashed her a grateful smile, feeling terrible that I was being a dismal host, but finding it increasingly difficult to think about anything other than touching Katniss. 

As Prim disappeared into the kitchen, I gestured for Katniss to walk through the living room. She glanced over her shoulder, nearly undoing me. I grabbed her hand and leaned down to whisper breathlessly into her ear, “You’re stunning. Absolutely stunning.”

She didn’t turn around, but leaned back against me as she responded, “You look pretty damn good yourself. Now where’s your room?”

I chuckled nervously, hoping my thoughts of all the things I was dying to do her in that room weren’t written across my face as indelibly as they were across my soul.

Katniss stood behind me at the threshold of my room, glancing around it, but not entering. I moved to the side allowing her to take her time. I took a moment to try to see the room through her eyes. It was small, and sparse. The bed, tucked into the corner, was all dressed in white; white sheets and my grandmother’s white quilt. My easel and painting supplies took up most of the side near the tall, narrow window. Paint tubes were scattered about the top of the bookshelf, the shelves of which were filled with a few art books, some of my favorite paperback novels and years upon years of sketchbooks. A tiny closet, which housed a few shirts on hangers, but mostly painted canvases stacked against the wall, was flanked by a worn dresser. 

She walked past me to to window and I breathed in the scent of her shampoo as she passed, closing my eyes to savor the hope that it would linger here. The image of her hair fanned out across my pillow was the stuff of dreams. 

I wanted to be closer to her, wanted it so bad my chest ached. 

She was staring out of my window, and I walked up behind her, trying to see what she saw, desperate to understand what the world looked like to her. 

"What are you looking at?" I murmured into her ear.

She shivered at the contact of my breath on her skin. 

"It's a nice view. This part of town is so much nicer to look at. And I love that you can see the meadow and woods in the distance. I live closer to the meadow, but my apartment faces away from it.” She sighed heavily, then added, “Why is the window so narrow? Were they afraid you'd escape?”

My chuckle was more bitter than I'd intended when I responded, "I think they'd have cut a door through if they thought that was an option.”

She glanced over her shoulder at me, curiosity, or maybe concern, creasing her brow. I smiled, “Or maybe it's because I was the youngest. The littlest kid deserved the littlest window.”

“Well, you’re not so little now,” she pressed her ass against my already semi hardness. Just being this close to her had that effect on me.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamt of having you in this room.” 

She pushed back against me more firmly, making me groan and grind against her. 

“I’m here now. What are you going to do with me?”

“Anything. Literally anything you want.” I was having trouble taking full breaths.

"I didn't hate it when you..." 

I focused in from the view beyond to her reflection in the window glass. Her eyes met mine. 

"When I what?" I dropped my hands down on the sill, boxing her in with the frame of my body.

She bit her lip and drew in a shaky breath, "Touch me, Peeta. Please?"

And it was the please that nearly undid me. How many nights had I fantasized those words from her mouth? I closed my eyes and swallowed thickly, my cock so hard now I could feel the teeth of my zipper through my boxers.

I started low, reaching down to her knees. And slowly ran my fingertips around to the back of her knees and up the back of her leg. I could feel the goosebumps rising in the their wake, as I skimmed my hands around to the front of her thighs. She exhaled a shaky breath as I raked my fingers up her legs, my thumbs ghosting over the petal soft skin of her inner thighs. As my fingertips found the lacy edge of her panties, she spun away from me. Before I could panic that I had done something wrong, she grabbed my hand and led me the few steps across my room. 

She hopped up on my dresser, toying with the hem of her dress, her hypnotic eyes never leaving mine. Sunlight was pouring in the small window, illuminating her in the last vestiges of warm afternoon light. I swallowed hard, forcing myself to come into this moment rather than framing the memory of her here. If I played my cards right, she’d be draped over every stick of furniture in this house under every type of lighting I could dream of: hot, blindingly sunny mornings; cold, gray rainy afternoons; colorless, full-moon light. I felt my cock swell at the prospect of sketching her naked, dark hair tangled against my sheets, lithe limbs sprawled out on my bed.

Opening her legs wider, she beckoned me with a come-hither gesture. “Do you need a written invitation?” she drawled, a teasing tone curling the edges of her voice.

I needed a minute to gather my wits and blathered idiotically, “What would that sound like? ‘Dearest Peeta, I cordially invite you to join me on the dresser…’”

“Probably something more like, ‘Get your ass over here and kiss me. Now.’”

“Yes, ma’am,” I breathed, closing the small distance between us slowly, like a predator stalking prey. Though there was really no question about who was the prey in this situation. And I was more than happy to be consumed by her. I stepped between her legs, appreciating the way the dresser made her nearly my height, allowing me to stare directly into the molten mercury of her eyes.

“What about Prim?” I asked.

“She’ll be fine. She can entertain herself for a few minutes, while you entertain me.”

“Ahhh, but how can I possibly entertain you?” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.

“Why don’t you put that smart mouth to good use?” she asked, a small smile quirking her lips. As if there was any confusion about this suggestion, she wrapped her hand around the back of my head and pushed down in that age-old “blow me” gesture. I licked my lips slowly, savoring the way her mouth parted at sight of my tongue laving my bottom lip. Then I obediently dropped to my knees. I grabbed her ass with both hands and with a quick jerk, pulled her to edge of the dresser. I pushed the light fabric of her dress up her thighs, savoring the small moan that escaped her throat as she stared down at me. Pulling a leg over each shoulder, I buried my nose in her lacy underwear, inhaling the scent of her. My mouth watered as I pulled the fabric aside and placed an open-mouthed kiss on her lips, groaning at the exquisite taste of her. Her hand threaded through my hair and pulled me roughly against her.

Using my thumbs to spread her open, I ran my tongue up and around her clit. She gasped, bracing her other hand on the wood behind her and lifted her hips towards my mouth. “Stop teasing me, Mellark,” she whined.

I chuckled against her and she moaned. And in that moment, I wanted nothing more in the world than to feel her come against my tongue. 

I heard the door slam from what seemed like miles away, muffled through Katniss’ breathy murmurs and a thick haze of lust that had filled my head with cotton candy. But then came the steady thump, thump, thump of a basketball being bounced inside, and that meant Rye. I faltered, turning towards the door to listen harder. 

“What is it?” Katniss asked, sitting up, her eyes were glassy and cheeks flushed dark pink. She looked magnificent and I instantly despised my brother for interrupting her pleasure. 

“Sorry, it’s just my brother.”

“Oh.” She started to lean back on one elbow before sitting up and asking suspiciously, “Which brother?”

“Rye.” I wasn’t sure what the right answer here was, but this was obviously not it. She groaned, sat up, and grabbed a tissue to clean herself up. She handed me one too and I wiped my face, hating leaving her unsatisfied.

She glanced up at me apologetically, “I don’t want to leave Prim alone with him. No offense, but he’s kind of a prick.”

I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck as I responded, “Yeah, I know.”

She hopped off the dresser and smoothed her dress down over her legs. My heart sank watching her turn to leave the room. I felt like I’d be counting the seconds until I could get her back in here and barricade the door. She was Beauty to my Beast. 

As she reached the doorway, I grabbed her hand. "Promise not to rat me out to the US Department of Agriculture,” I said pulling a lychee out of my pocket and slipping it into her hand. I'm not really an international produce smuggler, but I couldn't resist bringing one home..."

She bit her lip in that way that made my stomach clench and said, "Put that away, you're going to make me crazy." I slipped the lychee into her pocket, telling her to hold onto it for me, because I’d need it later.  


As we rounded the corner into the dining room, it was clear that Katniss’ concerns were justified. Prim was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at her phone, while Rye was perched on the edge of the table, looming over her. His cocky sneer made my heart sink.

The smirk slipped as he took in Katniss entering the kitchen. He glanced up at me, before an even wickeder smile spread across this face. 

“So you weren’t having imaginary friends over,” he slapped me hard on the back. “But I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were having the lovely Everdeen sisters over. You didn’t want to share with your favorite brother?”

Nudging Prim with her hip, Katniss slipped a chair between Prim and where Rye was still sitting on the table.

“Rye, can’t you just clear out for dinner? You must have something better to do other than ruin my night,” I hissed at him. 

“Nah, I think I’ll join you. You can’t possibly entertain both of these lovely ladies.” He met my frown with a confrontational glare and I knew I had lost. 

“Fine, just try to be less of an asshole than usual, please.” I glanced over at Katniss. Her face was unreadable, but I projected my disappointment and thought I could see it reflected back in her eyes. I mouthed “sorry” and she nodded once in response. I was so frustrated, I could hardly breathe. I honestly couldn’t understand why Rye would want to spoil this for me. But, as I placed the food on the table, I supposed it was just the Mellark way.

Most of my mother's abuse rained down on me with fists and fury and daily reminders of my general worthlessness. Her mistreatment of Rye came in a more insidious form. She continually implied that there was something off about him. Usually, it was his faulty masculinity. He was too sensitive, a pussy, or she subtly questioned his sexuality, hinting that his male friendships were somehow too friendly. 

As I quietly internalized her accusations of my inadequacies, Rye met her condemnation head on by becoming a douchey friend and shameless manwhore. Not that it helped. When he was caught fucking two girls in the bakery one morning, my mother shook her head sadly and commented to Bran that Rye was "obviously overcompensating for something". Rye, who had been a fun, happy, passionate kid that everybody liked, became a disloyal, smarmy ass. I still loved him, he was my brother, but I knew he was a dick. 

Bran was my mother's minion. In exchange for his complicity in her meanness, he was spared from being a target. But that hadn’t seemed to make him any happier than the rest of us. He had grown into a distant, duplicitous, shark of a man. If it weren’t for his long-time girlfriend and his retreat into her family, I feared he might have become a serial killer. 

Admitting defeat, I set a plate at the table for Rye, slipped on an apron and began serving the food. 

The conversation was stilted, carried almost entirely by Prim and me. And I tried not to let my fury at Rye ruining our dinner show, but it was seeping like poison through my veins. 

By the time Bran walked into the kitchen, a duffle bag slung casually over his shoulder, I was simmering with resentment. He stopped in his tracks, surveying the scene. His eyes slid over Rye and me like we didn't exist - he really was my mother's son - before they skimmed over Prim and landed on Katniss. He shook his head slowly and shot me a rueful smile before saying, "I hope you're not just doing this in the hopes that it will kill mother outright with a rage aneurism. She'd never let you off that easy for shaming her like this.”

His words settled like a poisonous fog, sucking all of the oxygen out of the room. I felt Katniss tense beside me as Bran kept walking through to his room. No one said anything. Bran was gone, there was no point in talking to him, but I couldn't summon anything to diffuse those awful words. Why hadn’t I said something?

Katniss' voice was quiet and pinched as she said, "We should just go. C'mon Prim."

"Wait, what?" My face was hot and I felt that prickling behind my eyes that told me I was dangerously close to tears. "Please," I beseeched, "stay?"

"I'm not really hungry." She wouldn't meet my eyes as a sad-eyed Prim appeared next to her. I appealed to Prim with pleading eyes and she leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "Another time, Peeta."

"Katniss," I started, but she cut me off with a sharp glance that was a lethal mix of hurt and fury. 

"I'll call you later," Katniss said. And then she was walking out the door with Prim in tow as I stood there paralyzed by the shocking rapidity with with which the evening had unraveled. 

I ran out onto the landing, but they were already headed down the stairs. I stood at the top calling down, "My brothers are idiots, please don't let them ruin the evening." Even as I said it I knew it was a lost cause. 

Prim grabbed Katniss' shoulder on the stair and turned so I could see around her. Katniss looked over her shoulder, not even turning around as she shook her head and said, "It's not your fault, Peeta. I just need to go home." 

I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the knot of misery blocking my airway, then croaked, "Can I at least send you home with some dinner?" What I really wanted was to beg her to take me with her.

Prim glanced hopefully at Katniss. But Katniss replied, "Nah, we're good. I'll call you later, okay?" 

I nodded and Prim shot me one more apologetic look before they pushed through the alley door and disappeared into the night.

When I trudged back into the kitchen feeling completely defeated, Rye was standing at the kitchen island, eating lasagna out of the pan.

I rounded on him, feeling the rage that I'd mistaken for resentment earlier rear up. "What the fuck, Rye?"

"What?" he asked, his voice muffled around a mouthful of food.

"Why were you acting like such an ass?"

He shrugged, "You're just such a douche around that girl. I mean look at you," he continued, licking red sauce off the corner of his mouth, "you're wearing an apron." He gestured with me derisively with his fork before plunging it back into the lasagna.

Something in me cracked. I dropped my shoulder down and rammed into him, knocking him onto the kitchen floor. 

"What the-" But he didn't get a chance to finish because I pounced on him, struggling to pin him to the ground. We hadn't wrestled in years, but it all came rushing back. And unlike the high school wrestling finals, I didn't go easy on him. 

Once his face was satisfactorily smashed against the linoleum, his arm held tightly in a half-nelson hold and my knee planted securely in his back, I rasped out, "What I am, is in love with her." 

All of the fight went out of me then and I rolled off of him, collapsing against the cupboard doors. 

Rye rolled over slowly, rubbing his shoulder and shooting me a hostile look. "Jesus, Peeta, do you hear yourself? You're proving our mother right, you sound pathetic."

"But that's just it, Rye, she doesn't know how wrong she is. About both of us. She is the human equivalent of the saying, "misery loves company". Katniss makes me happy, man. Happier than I ever thought I could be. You deserve to be happy too. So screw our mother, I'm gonna try to be happy." Something settled inside of me. For the first time in my life, happiness, real happiness, seemed like an option. 

“What the fuck does that even mean… is happy really a thing?” He shot me one of his signature cocky smirks, but I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“Yeah, believe it or not, it is.” I reached up into the drawer above me and felt around until I grabbed a fork. I stood up and offered him a hand, which he took and pulled heavily on as he stood up.

“Damn, Peet, you didn't need to hulk out on me,” he said rubbing his cheek, but I could detect a shade of respect in his tone, which was definitely new. We both leaned on the kitchen island and started eating lasagna out of the pan. 

“I think I kinda did,” I responded, smiling ruefully. But as I said it, Bran walked back into the kitchen and I realized that it was really him that I was pissed at. 

He nodded, saying, “That's more of the scene I was expecting. Have a good night, you two.”

“Wait,” I said, stabbing the air with a fork, “Why? Tell me why you would you do that.” I was overwhelmed with anger. And if I was honest, hurt. By not only having an older brother who wasn't protective, but who didn’t seem to care about us at all.

“Do what?” He looked over at Rye as if searching for a clue to my idiocy.

I shook my head, swallowing down the rage, “Why did you say those horrible things to Katniss?”

“What are you talking about?” He looked truly puzzled.

“Jesus, Bran, you made her feel like trash! Talking about how shamed our mother would be by her.”

He nodded like he'd finally put it together, like he'd made sense of my babyish gibberish. “I wasn't saying Katniss was trash, though our dear mother most certainly would. I was referring to how pissed she’d be that you had Lily Everdeen’s daughters in our kitchen. You know,” he glanced back and forth between Rye and me like we were epically dim witted, “since dad had proposed to Lily before she ran off with Everdeen. Mother doesn't like any reminders that she was sloppy seconds.” 

This sounded strangely familiar. With startling clarity, the memory of my dad telling me something similar as he dropped me off on my first day of school came rushing back. That same day Katniss had sung the Valley Song at the assembly and I had lost my heart to her.

“Don't tell me that's news to you? I always figured that was the reason you had such a hard on for that girl. As a way to spite our mother.”

I shook my head at him incredulously.

“Nope, it's a genuine hard on,” Rye grinned at me before stuffing another massive bite of lasagna into his mouth. 

“It’s more than that. But, yeah, it's seriously fucking genuine.”

“Well, then it sucks that she took that comment the wrong way.” He shrugged, then added, “I'm sure you can fix it. She's got to be pretty fucking grateful that you're interested in a girl like her.” He held up his hands placatingly as I stood up abruptly and dropped my fork on the counter.

“Careful, bro, Peet here finally found his backbone and he's in a fighting mood,” said Rye, chuckling as he rotated his shoulder.

“Whatever. I'll leave you two to your hen party. I actually have a girlfriend waiting for me. Later losers.” Bran hiked the strap of his bag up on his shoulder and strolled out of the apartment. 

I hung my head down, trying to let the frustration flow out of me. When I lifted my head, I was met by Rye’s curious eyes.

“What?” I demanded.

“So you really think you love her? Don't be mad, I just always thought your thing for her was like the opposite of my behavior. While I bang anything that moves, I figured your one-sided devotion to her was just another, though admittedly less fun, way of not getting hurt.” When I met his eyes it was the first time in recent memory that I could see the version of my brother that I had loved as a kid and always hoped was buried somewhere under the jerk he had become.

“Bran doesn't understand that I'm the one who's grateful for her. She's an amazing woman and I'm not going to let him, or our mother, or anyone else ruin it.”

“Well what the fuck are you still doing here? I'll clean up. Go.”

I grinned at him and clasped his shoulder. I grabbed my wallet, keys and the pineapple upside down cake I'd made for dessert, and went after her, silently cursing myself for ever letting her get away.

And vowing to never let her go again.


	17. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloha! So we've finally reached the end of this Holiday. I hope you've enjoyed reading it half as much I've enjoyed writing it. I want to express my gratitude to the District12Drabbles moderators over on Tumblr who inspired this story with their weekly prompts and for creating a platform for new and experienced writers alike. And to Xerxia, I owe you more than I can ever adequately express for your time, your incredible support, your excellent humor and genius assistance. And most of all for your friendship. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Shannon17 who has been so encouraging and prodded me along in the best possible way.

After placing the cake carefully on the passenger seat, I jumped into the driver’s seat and tried to jam the key into the ignition several times before it finally slid in. I couldn’t get the damn seat belt on either and realized that I was essentially fighting against every inanimate object I came in contact with because my hands were shaking so hard. I beat my palms against the steering wheel in abject frustration before giving up and resting my forehead against it. I slumped against the wheel and let the full impact of how much I'd blown it settle around me. I had exposed the fragile soufflé of our relationship to a drafty room, the delicate bud of our love to a hard frost, the spun-sugar confection of us to enough pressure for it to crumble and slide through my fingers. Whatever cheesy metaphor you chose, I had totally fucked up.

I forced myself to take several deep breaths. Being a total wreck wasn’t going to help me right now, I needed to get a grip before I got to Katniss’ house. I took a moment to hate myself for letting the evening go so tragically downhill. For not standing up for her in the way I should have. For letting her believe for even a single second that she wasn’t perfect. 

I fought back my mother’s voice telling me I was a lost cause, that I should just tuck my tail between my legs and crawl back inside before I embarrassed myself further. But whether it was a lost cause or not, Katniss deserved to be fought for. So I sat up, started my car and drove to her apartment. 

I had never been in her building before. The Seam was on the border between town and the forest. The woods were privately owned by an international logging company, so not many people had reason to go there. Though over the years, I had heard snippets of Katniss and Gale’s conversations about hunting trips beyond the fence. Imagined her there, walking silently among the trees, arrow notched, but bow loose at her side. There were so many things to learn and discover about Katniss, I needed more time. Hell, I needed a lifetime.

The light on the front of the building was out and the dark street felt perilous. I hated the idea of Katniss and Prim having to feel unsafe, particularly at their own house. I grabbed the cake and double-checked that the car doors were locked. The entrance buzzer didn’t seem to work, but an older lady weighed down with plastic handle-bags pushed her way through the front door with a grunt and I grabbed it and held it open for her. She eyed me suspiciously as she passed, and asked in a voice raspy with disuse, “Cake?”

I nodded, holding it in front of me for her inspection and she nodded, apparently deciding that a guy holding a cake didn’t pose enough concern to warrant further discussion. I nudged through the door, feeling like I’d make it through the first trial of my quest. I made my way to Katniss’ ground-floor apartment, wondering if the old lady would have let me in if she knew that the only reason I had Katniss' address at all was from surreptitiously peeking at her paychecks.

I took a moment as I stood at her front door and ran my free hand through my hair, hoping it wasn’t too messy. Taking a deep breath and making a quick prayer to Clementia, the goddess of forgiveness and redemption, I knocked. 

I heard footsteps approach the door and stop at the threshold, presumably to peer out the peephole. I held my breath, hoping Katniss would let me in, let me explain. My heart was in my throat as the door swung open and I was met with Prim’s blue eyes instead. 

“Hi Prim, is Katniss home?” I asked, brandishing the cake in offering.

“Hi Peeta, she’s not. Would you like to come in?” She sounded apologetic and I tried not to look disappointed. 

I walked in feeling like a deflated balloon. I hadn’t really stopped to consider that she might not be home.

“I’m not sure when she’ll be back. She’s at the Hawthorne’s.” My expression must have shown my devastation as visions of Gale’s hands undressing Katniss, his lips sliding over her neck or worse, him whispering soft comforts into her ear as he wrapped her in his arms, made me feel faint. “To see Hazelle,” Prim added hurriedly. “She’s kind of a second mother to us.”

I nodded, unable to trust my voice and knowing that this information was still somehow a check in the Gale column of the imaginary ledger I assumed Katniss kept. A lovely mother was not something I had to offer. It was difficult to imagine that Hazelle Hawthorne would counsel Katniss to give me another chance. The realization that I could really lose her, maybe had already lost her, slammed into me so hard I nearly staggered backwards. 

Prim reached out and took the cake from my hands and placed it on the kitchen counter. “Can I make you a cup of tea?” 

I cleared my throat and nodded, “Yes, thank you.” 

As she prepared the tea, I took a moment to take in the apartment. Katniss’ description had not been wrong. It was shabby and small and I could detect a slight smell of damp, but it was tidy and homey. It was also a treasure trove of Katniss-related information. There was a small bookshelf populated with various field guides (mushrooms, native plants, birds), some outdated medical textbooks that I assumed were Prim’s, a couple of cookbooks as well as a number of paperbacks by Whitman, Thoreau, Cather, Dostoevsky, Atwood, and Krakauer. I wanted to touch each one, run my fingers over the dog-eared pages and broken spines, to worship any object that had captured her attention and imagination. 

The formica countertop that divided the living room from the tiny, dark kitchen was a horrible pink-beige with several prominent cracks scarring the surface. I couldn’t help wondering how many times Katniss had run her fingernail along those cracks as she scarfed down some insubstantial meal standing at the counter. I peeked down the dark hallway carpeted in dingy gray carpet that I assumed must lead to the bedrooms. 

Prim slid a steaming mug of mint tea across the countertop to me. “Do you take anything in your tea?” she asked.

I shook my head and thanked her before blurting out, “I’m so sorry for what my brother said tonight. He didn’t mean it like it sounded, but I can’t believe I let you both leave thinking it did. I’m so sorry.” I had meant the apology for Katniss, but owed it equally to Prim. 

“I know, Peeta. And I think Katniss does too, deep down. He just said exactly what she was afraid your family would think.” She shook her head giving me a small smile. “I’m having trouble figuring out what to say. Katniss is such a private person, I don’t want to say anything that will upset her.”

I nodded, completely understanding her conundrum, but desperate for anything, any crumbs of insight or information she could offer me on what Katniss might be thinking. I blew into my cup and waited while she sorted it out. 

“I don’t know how much you know about us, but Katniss is a survivor. She kept our family alive, literally, after our dad died and our mom succumbed to depression. She hasn’t given herself much room to enjoy life. I don’t think it is a betrayal to tell you that she has trouble trusting anything good.” She grinned up at me over the rim of her cup as she added, “And you, Peeta Mellark, seem too good to be true.”

I sputtered out an incredulous laugh and she shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “If I hadn’t spent years watching you stare at Katniss from afar looking utterly smitten every time, I’d be skeptical too. Did I mention that Katniss is also completely blind to the obvious?”

Despite still feeling sick with worry that I’d blown it, I found myself smiling back at Prim. She really was as sweet and lovely as Katniss said she was.

“So what can I do?” I asked, feeling like the entire world rested in Prim’s response. 

She shrugged and took a tentative sip of her tea. “You give her some space. You leave her messages letting her know how you feel, but not pushing her to respond until she’s ready. You leave her that amazing-smelling cake, minus a piece for her sister.” She winked at me, then continued, “I know it sucks, but a lifetime of living with Katniss has taught me that giving her time to sort out her feelings is the only way. She processes her emotions at a glacial pace, but she usually comes to the right decision for what she needs. And I honestly think that you're what she needs, Peeta. I hope she allows herself to give things with you a chance. I think you’re just what the doctor ordered.”

I took several scalding gulps of tea to keep myself from begging Prim for the Hawthornes’ address and tracking Katniss down to plead her forgiveness and her favor. But I knew Prim was right and that I was lucky to have gotten her advice. 

She picked up my empty cup and placed it in the sink before turning and adding, “I’m sure she would hate that I’m telling you this, but I’ve never seen her like this before, Peeta. I’ve caught her scrolling through pictures of you two on vacation more than once. She’s talked about your adventures and your friends and you practically nonstop, which is unprecedented.” 

Relief and hope coursed through me and I offered Prim a shaky smile as I assured her, “I promise not to tell. And I can’t thank you enough.”

“I’m heading back to school tomorrow. Just give Katniss a couple of days to sort through things at her own frustratingly slow pace.” She squeezed my arm, before adding, “I promise I’ll put in as many good words for you as I can. It might not seem like she listens to me, but I swear she does sometimes.” 

“Are you kidding,” I asked grinning, realizing that maybe even Prim didn’t know all of Katniss’ feelings, “You’re her very favorite person in the world.”

She laughed, “It’s a pretty short list, but I’d wager that you’re near the top too.”

Impulsively, I leaned over and hugged her, feeling a thousand times better than I had an hour ago. “Have a safe trip back to school, Prim. Promise to come into the bakery next time you’re home, I owe you big.” She laughed and promised she would. 

Walking back out to my car, I couldn't help wondering what my life would have been like if I’d had a sister as wonderful as Prim.

When I got home, I texted Katniss that I was desperately sorry about how our night had gone, and that I hoped she’d give me a chance to explain. And that I missed her and wanted to see her whenever and wherever she would allow. I stared at my phone, gripped tightly in my fist, willing it to light up with a response from her. It didn’t. Sighing heavily, I plugged it in to charge and closed my eyes. 

Despite my exhaustion, I knew sleep would be elusive tonight. I followed my exhausted brain down into the depths of my worst fears and anxieties. All the dark, dank chasms with slimy walls and perilous pitfalls that assured me that I would never be happy, never be able to make anyone else happy, that I would always be alone. I knew these labyrinthine tunnels by heart, but there was no way out until the sun came up. So I tossed and turned until morning, extraordinarily grateful for first gray rays of morning light.

There was still no response from Katniss the following morning. After the twentieth time I had obsessively checked my phone, Rye asked, “Did you talk to her?”

I shook my head miserably. 

“So it’s not over, you may still be able to fix it?” he asked.

I shot him a withering look, expecting to find his signature cocky smirk, but finding a cautiously hopeful one instead. I didn’t trust him, but I could feel myself wanting to, wishing that I could. I shrugged and he clapped me on the shoulder as he pushed past me into the walk-in.

There was still nothing from Katniss as my shift ended. The thought of hanging out in the apartment made me feel like the walls would crush me. Despite my exhaustion, I pulled on my running shoes and headed out for some fresh air. The relief once I got outside was immense and immediate. I took several deep breaths, feeling the constriction in my chest lessen as I took the first few jogging steps. 

I started out on my usual route, past Katniss’ building, with equal parts hope and worry that I would run into her. I knew I couldn’t force things between us, and that she would likely attribute a chance encounter in front of her building as more stalking than fate. So instead of turning east to stay within the boundary of the town, I kept going north towards the meadow.

As my feet rhythmically slapped the pavement, I felt my muscles relax into movement and the tight knot of my thoughts untangle a bit. The burn of my lungs was demanding enough to pull my attention from the repetitive cycle of anxious thoughts. As my feet marked the transition from the taut slap of the pavement to the quiet thud of the packed earth of the park trail that snaked through the meadow on the border of the woods, the one thought that I worked so hard to suppress came bubbling up out of nowhere. Okay, not nowhere, from that deep, dark place where every insecure, self-loathing thought dwelt. And that shameful truth was this: No one had ever truly loved me. And even worse, maybe no one ever would. 

I realized something I had always known but never consciously acknowledged, I had always hoped that if Katniss, the epitome of strength and beauty and self-sufficiency and defiance could love me, it would override all of the other loves I'd been denied: my mother's kindness, my father's loyalty, my brothers' kinship. It would make those missing pieces matter less. It would redeem me.

But the truth was, the lack of all of those things sucked. Their absence had stunted me, deprived me of a sense of security my entire life. But I didn't have to keep letting it. A light went on somewhere deep inside me. It was small and dim, but it illuminated a place where some of my nightmares lived and it wasn't as dark and ghoulish as I would have thought. I wasn't irredeemable and Katniss wasn't my savior. I still wanted her more than anything in this world, but even if she didn't want me, I wasn't worthless. Maybe this just wasn't our time yet, maybe I just needed to give her the space I had promised, but never really understood the need for.

And while it was true that no one had ever truly loved me, for the first time in my life I realized how fucked up that was. Everyone deserved to be loved. I deserved to be loved. I looked out over one of my favorite views, over the misty pond and woods beyond, and let that sink in. I realized that’s what it must feel like to love yourself. To be outraged on your own behalf for the unfairness of your life, to feel a blazing recognition that you deserve more. 

I slowed my pace to a walk, hands on hips, breathing hard. I stood at the fence line and stared into forest beyond. As my heart rate slowed and my breathing evened out, I let my eyes blur the riot of green and imagine the Hawaiian forest speeding by Finnick’s car window. I closed my eyes and imagined the perfume of overripe earth, of tropical blossoms, of the sea. I let the memories wash over me - the silkiness of Katniss’ hair as it slid through my fingers, the throaty sound of her laughter, the exact color of her eyes with the technicolor sunset reflected in them. I pulled up the picture of her on my phone that I had taken at the airport on our last day, that incredible orchid tucked behind her ear, her eyes luminous as a small smile played on her lips. I clutched the screen to my chest letting all of those precious memories overwhelm me. I would've given anything to have any one of those days back. Her smile, her sun-kissed skin, her eyes like wisps of smoke. I wanted to fall head first into the past. But even as that hypnotic pull of the gilded past beckoned, I recognized it for the trap it was. It was time to fight for a future. 

I took a deep breath and allowed the smell of pine forest and sweetgrass flood my senses. Those experiences had existed, we had shared them. And whatever came next, good or bad, they had meant something. But we were here now and as much as I wanted to give up and crawl under the covers and daydream horrific punishments for my brothers’ behavior, this wasn’t hopeless. The fat lady had yet to sing and I still had time to become the man Katniss Everdeen deserved.

Maybe it was the runner’s high and the sunshine or the infusion of hope, but I felt some of those raw, empty places inside of me fill up and heal over. I felt a foreign resilience flood through me. Certainty was its own kind of strength. I loved her. I’d be here, waiting for her when she was ready. But I would live my life the best I could until then. 

I jogged home, feeling fortified and knowing what I would do when I got there. I would do the things that made me feel like my best self. I would paint. I would experiment in the bakery and take whatever I baked to the Boys and Girls Club for their after school program. I would hold on to this hopeful feeling with both hands for as long as I possibly could. Because, after all is said and done, hope is all any of us really have. 

I spent the afternoon making various types of cheese buns. The one with the swirl of pesto was the most promising one. I imagined that this would be a perfect morning treat to try out on Katniss given her preference for savory breakfasts. I loaded up the truck and headed over to the Boys and Girls Club to drop off my the best batches. 

Vic, Gale’s youngest brother worked there and was shooting hoops with a bunch of kids as I pulled the trays out of the truck. He broke off and grabbed a couple of the older kids to come over and help me unload. 

“Hey, Peeta, it’s been awhile. What’d ya bring us?” he asked, inhaling deeply over a tray that a tall, dark-haired girl had grabbed from me.

“Hey, Vic, good to see you. I hope you guys like cheese buns.” I handed the next tray to him. Despite my initial aversion to him due to the uncanny resemblance all of the Hawthorne brothers shared, Vic had always been a good guy. And if anyone understood about not being judged by their brothers’ actions, it should be me. 

“If they taste anywhere near as good as they smell, I do now!” He handed the tray over to another one of his charges before grabbing a bun and shoving it into his mouth. He let out an exaggerated, “Mmmm,” shaking his head in appreciation. My heart swelled. 

I grabbed a box of day-old bread to leave for any of the families that needed it, and Vic and I walked in side by side. 

He finished chewing and said, “I heard you and Katniss had a really good time in Hawaii.” 

I nodded, not sure what to say. “It was an amazing trip.”

He nodded, clearing his throat, “Yeah, Prim told me.” I glanced over at him and caught the flush in his cheeks at the mention of her name. I knew that look. I knew it very well. It was surprisingly companionable to see Vic visibly smitten. Seemed I was in good company.

I bumped his arm lightly with my shoulder and said conspiratorially, “Those Everdeen sisters are something else.”

He shot me an equally sly half smile and said, “Yeah, they sure are.”

I stuck around long enough to see the kids devour the cheese buns in a delighted feeding frenzy. It felt good. There were very few things that were more satisfying than feeding a throng of ravenous teenagers. My mind flashed back to Katniss throwing her arm around Konani’s shoulder and comparing her appetite to that of a teenage boy’s. Before my mood could turn wistful, I grabbed the empty trays and headed out. 

Walking back to the truck, I glanced up and saw Marvel across the street. Though we’d texted a couple of times, it was the first time I’d laid eyes on him since the night I’d helped him into his town car and accepted the tickets that would change everything. As I raised my hand to wave to him, a gorgeous dark-haired woman stepped out from behind him. I watched, my hand frozen mid-wave as he leaned over and kissed her before slapping her ass and ducking into a waiting town car. 

I don’t know why I was so surprised. Glimmer had been the worst fiancee imaginable, running off with Marvel’s best man was beyond shitty. She didn’t deserve mourning or wasted regret. But I couldn’t help the indignant shock that he could have moved on so quickly, not to mention looked so carefree about having done so. I thought about how you can stand next to someone, you can share experiences with them, hold their hand through parts of their lives, letting them skim across the surface of your heart without really sinking in, and then change partners and start over. That’s how most people lived their lives. 

Every relationship I had ever been in before I left for Hawaii had been like that, temporary and insubstantial. But I understood in that moment, or maybe I’d always known, that I wasn’t really built like that. I had just been booking time until Katniss noticed me. A life with Katniss was my only real option. Now that I understood how good it was possible to feel with the right person, how complete I could be with her, there was no going back. She had germinated in my heart that fateful kindergarten day and her love had grown like Maleficent’s thicket of thorns around my heart. I had tended those thorn bushes, weeding, watering, sharpening their thorns. There were no other choices now. I would have to figure out how to make this work or accept a lifetime alone. 

Despite the nagging exhaustion from my bad night that made my limbs feel leaden and clumsy, I loaded a ladder on the truck and headed back over to Katniss’ building. I worked fast to change the lightbulb over the front entrance. I had a sneaking suspicion that Katniss would consider this overstepping my bounds. The old lady from last night sauntered by with her plastic bags and gave me a nod of approval. I couldn’t do anything about the streetlight, other than put in a call to the City, but I felt better knowing that I had chased away at least a little of the darkness in Katniss’ life.

The sun set on my drive home, coloring the sky a soft peachy-orange amidst the wisps of gray clouds. A pale imitation of a sunset by Hawaiian standards, it was lovely all the same. I fought the creeping anxiety that set in as the sky darkened into night. 

I couldn’t bring myself to eat the leftover lasagna for dinner, so I scrambled a couple of eggs and ate them with one of the pesto cheese buns I’d made that afternoon. It was good, but I had to force myself to taste it. My incessant yawning announced that this long day was coming to an end, and despite the fact that I had kept busy enough all day stay a few steps ahead of the despair that was licking at my heels, I was dreading the moment when I would run out of road and have to be still with my thoughts. When I would have to go to bed alone.

There was still no word from Katniss at bedtime, so I sent her another text wishing her sweet dreams and begging her to call me. Despite being nearly incapacitated by fatigue, I dreaded closing my eyes. I tried to take some deep breaths, to assure myself that I was being ridiculous, that maybe tonight would be better. But I couldn’t help worrying about what was awaiting me in the depths of my subconscious.

Bolting upright, I found myself momentarily blinded by the sharp glare of the sun reflecting off of the water. I quelled the panic surging into my throat. As the world came into undulating focus, I understood that I was suspended over the water by some sort of platform. Some twenty yards away there was a metal walkway leading to a metallic sculpture where a battle was raging. 

Katniss! I knew she was there, but couldn’t see her. Terror ripped through me when I took in the mayhem unfolding around me and realized I couldn’t find her. Spotting her on the walkway, I was overcome with relief that she appeared to be safe and intact. Finnick was swimming out to me and I went limp as he towed me to Katniss. She kissed me and handed me an arsenal of weapons I wasn’t sure what to do with, but that I tucked into my belt.

Once we reached the beach, I just wanted to collapse into the sand and hold Katniss until this mayhem stopped. But I knew we couldn’t, we weren’t safe, the only option being to head into the jungle. The foliage was thick and the earth beneath our feet black and spongy. Despite the tree cover, the heat was relentless and I was drenched in sweat as we climbed. 

Monkeys appeared as if from nowhere, a shrieking mass of orange fur that converged on us, fangs bared, hackles raised, claws shooting out like switch blades. I hacked and slashed, trying to reach Katniss.

But she was lying on the ground, an unbreakable glass wall between us as she screamed and writhed, tormented by winged demons disguised as birds. I slid down the wall, pressed my face next to hers and prayed for it to end. 

I woke up sweating and shaking, the sheets balled in my clenched fists, her name lodged in my throat. I was in agony without her. I missed her terribly, achingly. I said a prayer into the darkness that she was alright, that she’d talk to me today. I grabbed my phone off the floor beside the bed and sent her a quick text telling her so. It was all I could do right now. 

Feeling completely wrung out, I forced myself out of bed. I groped my way down the hall in complete darkness. I was used to starting my day in the dark, but this was early even for baker’s hours. After a long, hot shower that made me feel at least halfway human, I dressed quickly and headed down to the bakery to get a headstart on the morning chores. I preheated the ovens, turned out the dough that had proofed overnight and began to knead it. The warmth from the ovens and the rote activity loosened my mind and muscles and I felt a little better. I loved these peaceful moments when I had the bakery to myself. Maybe someday I’d open my own bakery and do something I loved in a place that wasn’t built on a foundation of pain and bad memories. 

My mind began to run with ideas about how to get myself unstuck. I needed to move out. It was so obvious, I was shocked I hadn’t realized it earlier. I would probably need to take on another night at Abernathy’s to afford it, so I added talking to Haymitch to my mental to do list. Before I knew it, I’d formulated a plan and had several sheets of cheese buns that I slid into the hot oven to bake. Maybe if I just went ahead and got my life together, then by the time Katniss was ready to talk with me I’d be ready to share it with her. 

Trudging out to the dumpster in the predawn light, I almost walked right past her. She was huddled on the bench outside the bakery peering out at me from under a knit cap. She looked so adorable and so miserable, I instantly wanted to pull her into my arms. 

As soon as I had convinced my sleep-deprived brain that she was not a mirage, I ran the few steps that separated us, reaching for, but not actually grasping her shoulders as I knelt in front of her, afraid of what could have brought her here at this ungodly hour of the morning. “Katniss, what are you doing out here? What’s wrong?”

I took in her messy braid snaking out from under her hat, the dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes. I ran my thumbs over her cheeks and asked softly, “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”

She tipped her head forward, pressing her cold nose into my neck before mumbling, “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I’m sorry.” I said, meaning so many apologies at once. I waited for her to continue but she just sighed into my skin. Then, because I couldn’t help myself, I added, “And I’m so happy to see you.” 

Though mostly healed, the the cut on my knee hurt as the sidewalk asphalt dug into it, so I pulled away to sit on the bench next to her. I could feel the frustration rolling off of her in waves and wasn’t sure what she needed from me. I reached for her hand and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She let me take her hand, but didn’t look at me or say anything. I took the opportunity to say what had been eating at me since she stood up from my dining table. "Katniss, I'm so sorry about dinner. My brothers were horrible. And I was a coward and an idiot. I should have fought for you while you were there. I was so shocked, I just froze. I don't even know what to say." I hung my head, too ashamed of my failings to meet her eyes.

She shook her head dismissively, like that wasn't what she wanted to talk about, but she said absently, “I've seen your mother, her pinched face and mean words, I always figured she was the worst of it."

"Oh, she is. My brothers aren't the best, but... Let's just say we were forged by the same hammer."

"Your dad?" She looked so perplexed. 

"He's an incredibly kind man. He's just never really been able to stand up to her."

"So he's never stood up for you." 

"Ah, no, not really." I cleared my throat, willing my voice not to crack. No one had ever talked to me about this before. And as humiliating as it was on the one hand, the relief of Katniss caring was almost overwhelming.

"And both those big brothers who should have protected you, not only didn't, but made things worse." She wasn't asking and I was too choked up to answer. The whole sorry story of my life was laid out before her. How each of my family members had appraised me and found me wanting. Worthless. 

"You've been let down by so many people." She wove her fingers with mine. "And yet, you're so kind."

I looked over at her, tears of relief gathering in my eyes, making the world shimmer. That she didn't lump me in with them, that she could see me differently, that she was holding my hand. My heart felt as if it was trying to reach her too, and would beat through my chest if necessary. 

She shook her head. "I always figured you had it so easy. But really, we just had it hard in different ways."

"Makes your apartment seem like less of a big deal, right?" I tried for levity, but the tears were still blurring my vision and my voice fell flat.

"It certainly puts it in a different perspective,” she said ruefully. “I've always known your mother was awful. But even though my mother was awful in a different way, I've always had Prim. We're a unit. She's the cornerstone of my family. Having her has made everything else bearable. Worthwhile, even. It kills me to think about how alone you've been." 

The lump in my throat kept me from responding, but I squeezed her hand. She continued, “I’ve had depend on myself for most of my life. I’ve had Prim, and she’s great, but that isn’t really what I mean…” She huffed out a frustrated breath, then continued, “And I figured I always would be. Alone. It’s safer that way. I’ve figured out how to keep my head above water and that was the best I could hope for. But since I’ve gotten to know you.... Well, I’ve started to hope for more. I can’t seem to help myself. I want to be with you.”  


I was stunned, afraid to move and shatter the perfection of this moment. The perfection of her saying these words to me. She glanced up at me, searching my eyes, looking for all the world like she was worried about how I’d feel about this confession. 

In that moment, I had never been more grateful or loved anyone more. I couldn't help myself, I pulled her into my arms. I felt like every conversation, for the rest of our lives, should happen with my arms encircling her and her head resting on my chest, so she could hear my heart as plainly as my words. She scooted up tightly against me and allowed herself to be swallowed in my embrace before pulling back slightly. She met my eyes and there was still a question in hers. 

“I gotta be honest, I’m not really seeing a problem here,” I offered, sniffing a little and clearing my throat. “That’s actually kinda the best news I’ve ever heard.”

Scowling, she stared at our clasped hands. “The problem is, I can’t sleep without you. I miss your arms, your warmth, your heartbeat, your,” she huffed out a breath and gestured towards me, “You.” She looked upset as she finally met my eyes and said defeatedly, “I miss you.”

My heart felt like a sparrow caught in the rafters and I wanted to spring off this bench and break into song, but she still looked so miserable. Instead I asked, “Why is that a bad thing?” I couldn’t keep the joy exploding within me off of my face much longer, my eyes felt squinty with the effort to keep from grinning like a manic fool.

“I hate wanting things.” She scowled and my heart sang.

“You really want me?” I asked teasingly, nudging her with my nose. 

“It isn’t funny, Peeta,” she murmured, her scowl deepening.

"I'm not laughing. Honest." But I couldn't keep the grin off my face. “These,” I held out my arms to her, “are yours anytime you want them.”

“You can’t promise that.” She looked so sad and uncomfortable, I was dying to gather her to me and hold her forever just to prove how possible it was. But I took a deep breath and tried to quell some of the elation that was filling my chest at the knowledge that Katniss missed me, had wanted me when I wasn’t there. At the possibility that she would want me tonight. She pushed me back a few inches and looked straight into my eyes. "What if you change your mind. What if you leave."

I barked out a laugh, I couldn't help it, it was such a preposterous proposition. "That's impossible."

She pulled away, scowling. Not understanding that I was as serious as a heart attack.

I grabbed her hand to keep her facing me. Running my fingers down the length of her braid, I whispered, "Katniss, It’s not like that for me…” How could I explain this to her? Simply seemed best. I shrugged and continued, “I'm here for as long as you'll have me."

“I’m not easy. I’m grouchy and demanding and solitary in my ways,” she warned.

“I don’t want easy.” Taking my life in my hands, because she still looked as prickly as a porcupine, I kissed her nose. “I just want you. Snarling wildebeest and all.” 

She sighed, "You say that now..."

"I don't know what to say to make you believe it, but I want this. I want you. Always."

"How can you know that?" she demanded, looking upset.

"Because I know” I said, shrugging. “I've always known. I guess you're just going to have to trust me."

"I'm scared." It was almost a whisper. I tipped her head up so she'd meet my eyes. 

"I'm gonna do everything I can to make you understand every day just how much I'm not leaving." It was all I could say right now, all she was ready to hear. I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face. 

"You're ridiculous, you know that right?" Her mouth was still trying to scowl, but her eyes were smiling.

"Yeah. I can't help myself around you. You're just gonna have to get used to being adored." I shrugged, it really was out of my hands. “And while you’re right, I don’t know what the future has in store exactly, what I do know is that I just want to spend every last minute of the rest of my life with you.”

Her eyes softened as she looked up at me. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She fell into my arms and pressed against my chest. Nothing had ever felt better than her arms wrapping around my back as I pulled her snugly to me. I buried my nose in her hair, inhaling the heavenly scent of her.

“So,” I asked, trying to keep the naked hope out of my voice, “your place or mine tonight?”

“Mine,” she mumbled into my shirt, “less brothers.”

“Good point. See I knew you were more than just a pretty face.” She pulled away to shoot me a scowl before burrowing back into my neck and inhaling deeply. “If only you were good with a bow, you’d be the whole package,” I joked.

She pushed away from me before pulling my arm back around her. “Don’t make me show you my bow skills, Mellark.”

I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. I was literally on the verge of tap dancing. And I had no idea how to tap dance.

I heard the relentless chime of the timer from inside as if it were a mile away. Finally, my mind grasped the meaning of the incessant noise and I cringed.

“What?” she asked, concern etched around her tired eyes.

“Oven timer,” I groaned, hating to move a muscle for fear I would break the magical spell that had allowed me to dream this up this reality. “The cheese buns will burn.”

Her stomach growled audibly. “Can we go in?” she asked, her eyes sleepy. “I’m cold and tired. And now I’m hungry.”

“Absolutely. That’s one of the perks of dating a baker. And since we generally fall asleep by 8:30 at night and get weirdly competitive about baked goods, you have to take advantage of whatever perks you can.” I waited to see what she would say about me casually slipping in a dating reference like it was no big deal. 

She stood up and grabbed my hand, leading me back toward the alley door, “Speaking of falling asleep early, what movie do you want to watch?”

I squeezed her hand, “Whatever you want.”

As if on cue, the sun lit the sky and the first pink rays of morning light streaked across the sky, echoing off the gray clouds and gilding her in a golden glow. As she reached for the door, I stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. She glanced up at me, her eyes like silver mirrors reflecting the rosy blush of sunlight.

"Let me get that," I said, clearing my throat to cover the rasp in my voice. I reached around her, grasping the door handle in one hand and lacing my fingers through hers with the other.

"Okay." Her smile was small and a little shy, but it was mine. It was passion fruit cocktails and technicolor sunsets and Narnia all rolled into that magnificent quirk of her lips. And I was willing to work for another one every day for the rest of my life.

She stopped just before she stepped through the door, her eyes luminous as they met mine. “So we’re really gonna do this?”

“Yes,” I said, “we really are.”

~Fin~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never finished a WIP before, so I'm pretty nervous about this chapter. Comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated. Seeds have been planted for an epilogue, proving that even when I finish something, I don't actually finish it. *Sigh*. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and joining me on this Holiday!


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